"The talk"

[ovjumper]

Hi,

I am just wondering, how long into the dating process did you wait before you had "the talk" about being boyfriend/girlfriend...if the idea of having "the talk" is still relevant in this day.

Also, if you don't have "the talk", do you believe there is any chance of your SO losing interest?

 

[epiclesis]

Hi,

I am just wondering, how long into the dating process did you wait before you had "the talk" about being boyfriend/girlfriend...if the idea of having "the talk" is still relevant in this day.

Also, if you don't have "the talk", do you believe there is any chance of your SO losing interest?

7 years.

the second didnt happen in my case.

 

[sbvera13]

Hi,

I am just wondering, how long into the dating process did you wait before you had "the talk" about being boyfriend/girlfriend...if the idea of having "the talk" is still relevant in this day.

Also, if you don't have "the talk", do you believe there is any chance of your SO losing interest?

I don't get it. If you're going out, you're going out. "The talk" means either talking about marriage or breaking up to me.

 

[ovjumper]

Sorry, let me clarify. For the new relationships, "the talk" would be that you're interested in becoming exclusive boyfriend or girlfriend. I'm not at the stage of marriage yet. For me, it's trying to figure out if he has a romantic interest in me.

 

[kitkatsnarepadpen]

The "talk" only needs to happen so you know to change your status on Myspace

In all seriousness... I'm not sure a talk really needs to happen unless you are having real trouble reading the other person. If it seems necessary then it can happen anytime. You are the only one that can decide when it is the right time.

 

[ovjumper]

I guess my main worry is that either he is not ready or he doesn't share the same feelings...or that I have waited too long or sent the wrong signals and he has lost interest.

 

[kitkatsnarepadpen]

The above poster is incorrect.

When I started dating Jordan, we weren't exclusive, meaning we weren't "boyfriend/girlfriend". And we did have to have the talk, because I personally started to become confused about our status and where we were headed at the time. Sometimes, people just need clarity, and that's ok.

We had the talk about a month in. And in our case, at the time my now-fiance said he wasn't quite ready to start being exclusive with me. Did our feelings change? Absolutely not. And it was actually only shortly after that we -did- become exclusive.

Basically, if you're talking about a non-exclusive dating relationship or a close friendship where you're looking to start talking about taking things to a more exclusive level, there is no wrong time to have the talk. "The talk" is just about expressing your true feelings to the other. By talking about it, it shouldn't "change" anyone's feelings or scare them. It should make them confident that you are an open and honest person.

However you do have to be prepared that the other person may not be ready (I was fairly prepared, because I knew my fiance had relationship apprehension at the time), and remember not to take this as a necessarily negative sign. It certainly wasn't in our case.

Remember that it's less about giving a speach, it's not about convincing them to be with you and only you, it's just about expressing your feelings and seeing if they feel the same.

~ Lynn

HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT I AM WRONG!!!!

Hehe.... I kid. We all have different experiences. I had to have the talk with my current GF but didn't have to with my ex. Thats why I didn't say it was completely unnecessary. I personally hate it because it seems awkward to me.

 

[saki]

My bf and I was friends for 7years before we start going out, I think that it took us about hmm, a month or so to figure out if we want to be a boyfriend/girlfriend, but we were scared cos if we break up, chances are we will never talk or see again so we didn't want to loose our friendship or relationship. We never thought that we would ever go out because of friendship was involve too much.

 

[puddleoffaith]

We had to have "the talk". It was about 5 months from when we were going out to having "the talk" and being exclusive.

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

One day after we met, we had the talk.

Two weeks after that we had the other talk (should we get married)
One week after that we were officially engaged.

 

[Teufelhund]

Does proposal as having the talk? We were dating before hand, but we never actually officially had this discussion prior to the engagement.

 

[BeanMak]

umm the third date... I wanted to be clear that we were dating and not just old friends going out to dinner every weekend.

 

[Blank123]

its different for each couple. for us it was about 3 weeks after we admitted we had feelings for each other.

 

[MilitantSheep]

Me and my boyfriend didn't so much have 'the talk' as it just happened. We met, we hung around together with our mutual friends then, two weeks later, the night before I had to go home for the weekend there was a load of us that went to the fair then the pub. We went and sat on our own and I started rolling a cigarette (my only vice... I swear! *cough*), he asked if he could roll one and said "Well if I'm going to date you I need to know how to do this..." and that was that. I went home the next day, he text me and said to check my Facebook and there it was, "C has added himself as your boyfriend, please click to confirm" or something along those lines, I can't quite remember now. I don't think I even read it then, I just went through the whole thing at a million miles an hour then spent the rest of the weekend grinning like a Cheshire Cat and counting down the hours (and possibly minutes) til I got back to university. And who said romance was dead?

 

[dobieman0488]

imo, a "talk" about whether or not you're an official couiple isn't really necessary if you're seeing each other exclusively, and like one another, i think that's all you really need

 

[dawnsday]

My BF, before he was my BF sent me a text message saying he doesn't want me to text any other dates...that was three weeks in...then about a week later he changed his myspace profile status. we didn't need to talk, the fact that he was over every day all the time was how I knew he wanted more.