The sweet face of suicide from bullying

[Zoii]

Cyber-bullying campaign launched after suicide of 14yo face of Akubra

I posted this thread for two reasons. Firstly the vulnerability of young teens. When your 12-14 you are starting to want some independence, yet they still hold to childhood fears and the need for security. Their identity is emerging and can easily be threatened. Their resiliency can be low when attacked constantly and when you’re a teen you cannot or do not see the long term outcomes of your actions but are instead impulsive. My heart breaks for this sweet girl as the bullying attacked her self esteem, eroded her resiliency, and her teen impulsiveness made a decision to stop the torment.

My thoughts then also come to adults and social media and even this website. This child has made me remember that people here too have low resiliency and are vulnerable to insensitive words we use. I've been guilty of it when I perceive some offense against me or my principles and have responded carelessly. This sweet child has reminded me of consequences of careless words.

 

[mukk_in]

Cyber-bullying campaign launched after suicide of 14yo face of Akubra

I posted this thread for two reasons. Firstly the vulnerability of young teens. When your 12-14 you are starting to want some independence, yet they still hold to childhood fears and the need for security. Their identity is emerging and can easily e threatened. Their resiliency can be low when attacked constantly and when you’re a teen you cannot or do not see the long term but are instead impulsive. My heart breaks for this sweet girl as the bullying attacked her self esteem, eroded her resiliency, and her teen impulsive made a decision to stop the torment.

My thoughts then also come to adults and social media and even this website. This child has made me remember that people here too have low resiliency and are vulnerable to insensitive words we use. Ive been guilty of it when I perceive some offense against me or my principles and have responded carelessly. This sweet child has reminded me of consequences of careless words.

Truly sad. My prayers and condolences.

 

[timewerx]

This is why I plotted a surprise attack at my bully with a rock when I was a kid. Knocked him down, changed him that day, never bullied anyone again.

It's easy for me to forgive but I just cannot let anything bad rule the day.

It is much simpler back in the days, when you were kids ofc. But as adults, it's much harder to stop someone without getting the attention of our badly broken justice system. Get bullies on camera is the best I can do these days.

Something must be done to bullies not just kids but adult bullies too, like many who tend to be rich and powerful.

 

[Zoii]

This is why I plotted a surprise attack at my bully with a rock when I was a kid. Knocked him down, changed him that day, never bullied anyone again.

It's easy for me to forgive but I just cannot let anything bad rule the day.

It is much simpler back in the days, when you were kids ofc. But as adults, it's much harder to stop someone without getting the attention of our badly broken justice system. Get bullies on camera is the best I can do these days.

Something must be done to bullies not just kids but adult bullies too, like many who tend to be rich and powerful.

In some ways its easier when the bully is in front of you. Like you said you can fight back. But when its cyber bullying, its in writing for all to see and repeat over and over and over again. Comments telling you "why don't you just go kill yourself so we can all have a good laugh...etc etc" - that's harder to escape. And then you arrive at school and everyone there has seen the words and it continues. After a while you feel that the world has closed in on you and you just want it to stop.... and that's what she did.

 

[“Paisios”]

In some ways its easier when the bully is in front of you. Like you said you can fight back. But when its cyber bullying, its in writing for all to see and repeat over and over and over again. Comments telling you "why don't you just go kill yourself so we can all have a good laugh...etc etc" - that's harder to escape. And then you arrive at school and everyone there has seen the words and it continues. After a while you feel that the world has closed in on you and you just want it to stop.... and that's what she did.

The other problem with cyber-bullying is that it permeates even into the home, and makes it more difficult to escape. With a bully in front of you, many can find refuge at home; but with social media and the Internet being so much a part of modern life, the bullying can encroach that refuge, taking away any safe space.

 

[OldWiseGuy]

The other problem with cyber-bullying is that it permeates even into the home, and makes it more difficult to escape. With a bully in front of you, many can find refuge at home; but with social media and the Internet being so much a part of modern life, the bullying can encroach that refuge, taking away any safe space.

This is so true. My older brother bullied my younger sister for years. Later when both were grown he tried to make it up to her in various ways, but it was too late. His bullying destroyed their relationship and both died without resolving it.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

Online it's tough to tell who you are talking to, and bullying kind of makes it worse. Sometimes the bullies online are police officers.

 

[Dave-W]

Why does it seem that bullying today seems to elicit a more violent response than it did 50 or 60 years ago?

Bullies beat up kids, put them in the hospital, and made their lives living hell. But no one ever considered blowing up the school or shooting the bully or committing suicide.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

Why does it seem that bullying today seems to elicit a more violent response than it did 50 or 60 years ago?

Bullies beat up kids, put them in the hospital, and made their lives living hell. But no one ever considered blowing up the school or shooting the bully or committing suicide.

50 or 60 years ago people didn't talk about problems, it was a different culture.

 

[Dave-W]

50 or 60 years ago people didn't talk about problems, it was a different culture.

True - but not talking about problems usually means you "stuff" them which makes them more intense and more likely to explode in bad ways. But that did not happen.

 

[Gregory Thompson]

True - but not talking about problems usually means you "stuff" them which makes them more intense and more likely to explode in bad ways. But that did not happen.

Perhaps they were desensitized because of some type of hardship that we simply do not have to deal with today.

 

[timewerx]

In some ways its easier when the bully is in front of you. Like you said you can fight back. But when its cyber bullying, its in writing for all to see and repeat over and over and over again. Comments telling you "why don't you just go kill yourself so we can all have a good laugh...etc etc" - that's harder to escape. And then you arrive at school and everyone there has seen the words and it continues. After a while you feel that the world has closed in on you and you just want it to stop.... and that's what she did.

This is one thing I'm trying to figure out from an IT perspective.

Eventually, the goal is to diminish opportunities to people who display harmful behavior to other people. Opportunities like employment and in online activities.

It can succeed with a well-thought out strategy and a well-made application without even pulling an arm. Like an app that would benefit companies, profits, and even social media sites at the expense of people who display harmful behavior like bullies

 

[Albion]

This is so true. My older brother bullied my younger sister for years. Later when both were grown he tried to make it up to her in various ways, but it was too late. His bullying destroyed their relationship and both died without resolving it.

That I can understand. But on the bigger issue, it seems as though our society has created a suicide subculture along with dozens of other examples of us having recently made bizarre anti-social behavior into thinkable 'alternative lifestyles' or personal preferences that must be respected.

When I was a boy, you can believe that there was bullying. Yes sir. But none of us thought of suicide as the way out. Not for a moment. We might plot to get even or something else, but not suicide, because we knew that this was something adults occasionally did because of some sort of mental disorder; it never was seen as a solution to the problem--which of course it is not.

 

[mathinspiration]

Bullies are messagers from Satan. This sweet child is in hell because she committed suicide.

 

[Sketcher]

Why does it seem that bullying today seems to elicit a more violent response than it did 50 or 60 years ago?

Bullies beat up kids, put them in the hospital, and made their lives living hell. But no one ever considered blowing up the school or shooting the bully or committing suicide.

The copycat effect.

 

[hedrick]

That I can understand. But on the bigger issue, it seems as though our society has created a suicide subculture along with dozens of other examples of us having recently made bizarre anti-social behavior into thinkable 'alternative lifestyles' or personal preferences that must be respected.

When I was a boy, you can believe that there was bullying. Yes sir. But none of us thought of suicide as the way out. Not for a moment. We might plot to get even or something else, but not suicide, because we knew that this was something adults occasionally did because of some sort of mental disorder; it never was seen as a solution to the problem--which of course it is not.

Here's data from 1950 to 2010 by age. Death Rates for Suicide, 1950–2010 The overall rate hadn't gone up until 2000, but teenagers had increased and older people decreased. This paper Understanding Recent Changes in Suicide Rates Among the Middle-aged: Period or Cohort Effects? notes that the baby boomers were the first generation to show this increase in adolescent suicide, an increase that has followed that generation as it aged. There's been a general increase since 2000, not just teenagers. This is the first period in which suicide among middle aged people has become a major concern. That appears to be a mix including both economic factors and the tendencies of baby boomers, Suicide Rates Strongly Influenced by State of the Economy, Rutgers Study Finds | Rutgers Today. So the recent increase isn't just for adolescents.

The following chart gives adolescent data from 1950: Suicide Rates For Teen Boys And Girls Are Climbing. There's been an increase since 2010, but it still hasn't reached the levels of the 1990's. Any ideas that the current generation are snowflakes has to deal with the 1990 data, and the recent increase among middle aged.

 

[Albion]

There may be some misunderstanding here. When I referred to a suicide culture, I wasn't talking statistics. The statistics don't tell the story. It's the fact that something that once, not long ago, was almost unthinkable has become thinkable...and even elicit feelings of empathy from some people in society. That is what has happened, but I have no doubt that many people who have considered suicide in recent years have not gone through with it--for obvious reasons..

 

[Zatek]

Why does it seem that bullying today seems to elicit a more violent response than it did 50 or 60 years ago?

Bullies beat up kids, put them in the hospital, and made their lives living hell. But no one ever considered blowing up the school or shooting the bully or committing suicide.

Bullying seems more impactful today because of bad of parents. So many neglectful and mentally abusive parents out there who pay little or no attention to their kids.

Bullying is not good, obviously, but it is largely inconsequential when the person being bullied has close relationships with their friends and family. Why would someone care what some stranger on the internet thinks if they have a mom, dad, sister, brother, cousin, grandmother, grand father, aunt, uncle, and friends that love them? They don't, of course. People who respond to bulling are already people who have low self-esteem, and in the case of kids it is the parents responsibility to make sure they know they are loved.

It's easier and more politically palatable to blame the bullies instead of acknowledging the parent's neglect. "I didn't know" is not an excuse. They your kids, they live in your house, they can't do anything without your permission, and it's your job to know. Parents should have bonded with their kinds by the time they are 5 or so, but that doesn't happen if you're off at work all day, or on your phone when you're supposed to be playing with them.

People kill themselves because they feel alone and that no one loves them, so the obvious answer is why doesn't your own kid know you love her? A 14yo girl doesn't care if a bully doesn't love her, but she sure does care if her father and mother love don't love her. Instead of answering that question, people just blame the bullies.

 

[Zoii]

Bullying seems more impactful today because of bad of parents. So many neglectful and mentally abusive parents out there who pay little or no attention to their kids.

Bullying is not good, obviously, but it is largely inconsequential when the person being bullied has close relationships with their friends and family. Why would someone care what some stranger on the internet thinks if they have a mom, dad, sister, brother, cousin, grandmother, grand father, aunt, uncle, and friends that love them? They don't, of course. People who respond to bulling are already people who have low self-esteem, and in the case of kids it is the parents responsibility to make sure they know they are loved.

It's easier and more politically palatable to blame the bullies instead of acknowledging the parent's neglect. "I didn't know" is not an excuse. They your kids, they live in your house, they can't do anything without your permission, and it's your job to know. Parents should have bonded with their kinds by the time they are 5 or so, but that doesn't happen if you're off at work all day, or on your phone when you're supposed to be playing with them.

People kill themselves because they feel alone and that no one loves them, so the obvious answer is why doesn't your own kid know you love her? A 14yo girl doesn't care if a bully doesn't love her, but she sure does care if her father and mother love don't love her. Instead of answering that question, people just blame the bullies.

she was very loved and the parents are beside themselves with grief

 

[Zatek]

she was very loved and the parents are beside themselves with grief

Loved on what basis? Feelings don't mean anything. Did they eat dinner together most nights and talk about each other's day? Did they have one-on-one time and have mother-daughter or father-daughter days? Did they talk about things her peers were doing and why or why not those things were good or bad?

It's easy to say you love someone, but it actually takes some effort to show it. Being off your computer and off your phone when you have planned time to spend together. Kids don't go from happy and loving life to suicide over night. It happens over time and it happens because the people who matter in their life the most aren't showing them love, not because some random strangers on the internet said mean things.

Blaming suicide on bullying is done by politicians if it serves their agenda and by parents who refuse to accept responsibility for the neglect of their child.