The Stories We Tell Ourselves

[aiki]

2 Corinthians 10:3-5
3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:
4 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;
5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;​

Have you ever imagined a conversation between yourself and another person where every word you say is genius, where your logic is irrefutable, your position right and just, beyond criticism, and you win the day, sweeping aside all opposition, vindicating yourself utterly? Usually, we have these inner conversations against somebody who’s annoyed us, or slighted us, or abused us. These imagined dialogues (that are us just monologuing, really) involve imagined scenarios, fictional offenses that serve as grounds for our majestic refutations, fantasy exchanges between us and our enemy where we win every time. But these stories we work up touch us emotionally very powerfully, exaggerating the offenses and resentments we already feel toward so-and-so. There is great danger here, for these added feelings of hurt have come from our imagination; they aren’t real. But they have a real effect, expanding and deepening our bitterness and wounds.

Sometimes, we tell ourselves things about ourselves that aren’t true: I am alone; no one cares about me; if I disappeared in the next moment, no one would miss me; my life is meaningless; I’m a failure; etc. False though they may be, rehearsing these things brings us inevitably into conformity to them. “The me I see is the me I’ll be.” If I wasn’t actually alone, telling myself I am over and over again is sure to make me feel I am alone; if my life isn’t actually meaningless, saying to myself that it is will guarantee that I feel – and feel very strongly – that it is; if I’m not truly a failure, confirming repeatedly within myself that I am is sure to cause me to believe it. The effects of embracing and massaging such falsehoods can be devastating, leading to depression, anxiety, physical ailments and even death.

At other times, we speculate about the motives of the other person, psychoanalyzing them, suspecting them of this and that, conjuring up in our minds a picture of the inner workings of the other person that, as often as not, is completely false. But the more we imagine what is true of the other person, the more we go over our stories about them, the more established in them we become, the more certain we are – without any real (as opposed to superficial) evidence – that they are so:

Sally was so rude this morning, ignoring my “Good morning!” and stalking away in a cloud of anger. What did I ever do to her to deserve such treatment? Is she angry at me? She acted like she was. But why? I didn’t get that report to her as soon as she would have liked. She’s so impatient. What a rotten person Sally is.

And so on. In this way, we create an entirely false idea of what is going on with Sally; and the more we invest thought and feeling in it, the more real it seems. What we don’t know is that Sally’s mother just died and she is preoccupied with, and grieving over, her loss. This is the real reason she passed us in the hallway, oblivious to our greeting. But we have our story about her and we’ll build it up out of all proportion - if we don’t follow Paul’s command in the passage above.

Whenever the believer is tempted to do the things described above, God’s command is that they examine the truth of the thing they are cooking up about themselves, reality and the other person. Is the person who says, “I am all alone,” truly alone? No. God is always present, wherever that person may be, and always available to them. We know this is true because God’s word says so (Psalms 139; Hebrews 13:5-6). Can the life of a believer be meaningless? Not ultimately, according to God. We are made, not for time, but for eternity; the “Big Show” begins when we leave this "mortal coil" and enter eternity; everything we do this side of the grave is preparation for what comes next. And God Almighty Ruler of Heaven and Earth is our Father, who loved us and gave himself for us. He doesn’t think us useless and insignificant but His precious child and co-heir with Christ (Psalms 139; Genesis 1:27; John 3:16; Romans 8:31-39; Revelation 3:20-21) Is our enemy at work or at home a wretched rat wholly deserving of our malice and wrath? Are we justified in treating them with contempt, and anger, and spite? Absolutely not. The believer is called by God to love their enemies and do good to them who hate them (Matthew 5:44). We are to be “kind, tenderhearted, forgiving one another” (Ephesians 4:32), not bitter and resentful. When Sally is cold and distant, as ambassadors of Christ, we are to extend grace, patience and love to her.

Every thought and imagination we have is to be brought immediately into obedience to Christ, into submission to his will and way, and into conformity to the truth of God’s word. Our inner narratives and fantasies are to be tested, examined for their truth, and made subject to what God says and commands rather than merely reflecting our own self-interest. We are to “speak the truth in love” – as much to ourselves as to others (Ephesians 4:15). When we do, we are conformed to the truth, blessed, strengthened, and purified by it. If we do not, we will be drawn further and further into self-pity, self-loathing, deception, anger, contention, hatred, discontentment, lust and bitterness – the destructive things of the Flesh that are always, in the end, the only alternative to the Truth we have.

Proverbs 4:20-23
20 My son, give attention to my words; Incline your ear to my sayings.
21 Do not let them depart from your sight; Keep them in the midst of your heart.
22 For they are life to those who find them And health to all their body.
23 Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.

 

[mama2one]

Dr. Maya Angelou once said, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”

 

[mama2one]

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[Bruce Leiter]

First, I suggest that you use a more up-to-date version than the American Standard Version for your Christian walk with God.

Second, in 2 Corinthians 10, Paul is defending his apostleship against false teachers attacking him. The word "stronghold" is the key to understanding who the real enemy Paul is talking about, not a human enemy.

Third, he is saying that his real enemy is Satan, who is using the false teachers to attack him. Why do I say that? Context with his other writings is important. Ephesians 6:10-20 is crucial; Paul says that God's spiritual armor will defeat the devil and demons, not humans, with their strongholds they have established to attack you.

Fourth, in understanding this meaning, you must use persistent prayer to your heavenly, all-powerful Father claiming Jesus' victory over Satan and his troops in order to overcome the people who attack you.

 

[aiki]

First, I suggest that you use a more up-to-date version than the American Standard Version for your Christian walk with God.

Thanks for the suggestion. We've all got an opinion on the best translation of the Bible. Mine is that the NASB does a very good job of properly rendering the text of the Bible - as good as any other and much better than most. Of course, I also consult my Bible lexicons, my Greek-English interlinear New Testaments, and several trusted commentaries.

Second, in 2 Corinthians 10, Paul is defending his apostleship against false teachers attacking him. The word "stronghold" is the key to understanding who the real enemy Paul is talking about, not a human enemy.

I don't think you've understood my OP. It wasn't about a "human enemy" but about the stories we tell ourselves that are often highly-deceived, destructive versions of reality. In any case, I think Paul makes it clear what he meant by "strongholds" when he wrote in the very next verse of "destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God." These are the "strongholds" Paul had in mind. Whether these things are insinuated into the believer's mind by the demonic, or erected by the believer without demonic involvement, they ought all to be brought into subjection to the authority and will of Christ.

Third, he is saying that his real enemy is Satan, who is using the false teachers to attack him. Why do I say that? Context with his other writings is important. Ephesians 6:10-20 is crucial; Paul says that God's spiritual armor will defeat the devil and demons, not humans, with their strongholds they have established to attack you.

If you have to resort to another Pauline letter entirely to make your case for what Paul meant in 2 Corinthians 10:3-5, you have not really understood Paul's words in their immediate context.

What's more, Paul doesn't say anything in Ephesians 6:10-20 about "strongholds" and casting them down. And you appear not to have understood that the "spiritual armor" is Christ, not some actual armor a Christian can put off and on at will. To "put on the armor" is to put on Christ (Romans 13:14), to be saved, and in him, submitted to him, resist the devil (James 4:7). Christ is our salvation (1 John 5:11-12); Christ is the Way, the Truth and the Life (John 14:6); Christ is the believer's righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:21); Christ is the Gospel we preach (John 3:16; John 3:36; John 1:1-12); Jesus is the Source and object of our faith (Romans 12:3; 2 Timothy 2:25; Galatians 2:20); Jesus is the Living Word, sent from God to save us (John 1:1). It is for this reason, Paul prefaces his description of the armor with an injunction to "be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might." It is God's power, given to us in the Person of the Spirit of Christ (Romans 8:9-11; Titus 3:5), that defeats the Evil One, not our carefulness to be wearing all of the armor, as though we might leave some off when we "put on Christ."

Fourth, in understanding this meaning, you must use persistent prayer to your heavenly, all-powerful Father claiming Jesus' victory over Satan and his troops in order to overcome the people who attack you.

Uh huh. Well, thanks for your observations. They were...interesting.

 

[Bruce Leiter]

You're welcome! Paul makes it clear that our enemies aren't people but instead the devil and his demons. We need constant prayer to overcome them because we aren't always aware of their attacks and influences from our culture. Would you consider yourself a separatist like the Amish?

 

[aiki]

You're welcome! Paul makes it clear that our enemies aren't people but instead the devil and his demons.

Bruce, the believer has three Great Enemies: the World, the Flesh and the devil. Paul indicated this very plainly in his letter to the Ephesians:

Ephesians 2:1-3
1 And you were dead in your trespasses and sins,
2 in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience.
3 Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest.

We battle against all of these foes every day, sometimes in the context of our relations with other people. I don't dismiss the reality of spiritual warfare against the demonic, of course, but not every spiritual battle a believer will have is against a demonic foe. Just as often, they will wrestle with their own fleshly impulses and habits, and against the temptations, philosophies and values of the World.

Would you consider yourself a separatist like the Amish?

This is a peculiar question. Is there something in what I've written that would lead you to believe I am?

 

[Bruce Leiter]

Bruce, the believer has three Great Enemies: the World, the Flesh and the devil. Paul indicated this very plainly in his letter to the Ephesians:

Ephesians 2:1-3
1 And you were dead in your trespasses and sins,
2 in which you formerly walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, of the spirit that is now working in the sons of disobedience.
3 Among them we too all formerly lived in the lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest.

We battle against all of these foes every day, sometimes in the context of our relations with other people. I don't dismiss the reality of spiritual warfare against the demonic, of course, but not every spiritual battle a believer will have is against a demonic foe. Just as often, they will wrestle with their own fleshly impulses and habits, and against the temptations, philosophies and values of the World.



This is a peculiar question. Is there something in what I've written that would lead you to believe I am?

Your first post seemed a little separatist, but I completely agree with this latest answer!