The small things

[HelpingHand]

I have a question for everyone who is dating, married, etc..
In my past relationship, something that really stuck out was the small things. A lot of times in a relationship we miss doing those small things, or we just don't even realize the importance of these small things. I have found that in many was they can make or break a relationship. Am I right? What do ya'll think. Do the small things your partner, or bf/gf do matter to you? They did to me. Actualy it made a big deal. He did certain things, but in all the small ways it was like he was saying that it wasn't working. That he wasn't willing to try..... Anyone know what I mean?

I'd like to know what the small things are like for ya'll.

 

[Maeyken]

umm... I'm not exactly sure what you're asking here. Do you mean little things like opening the door, holding your hand, giving you flowers, that sort of thing?

I'm currently in my first relationship so I can't say about past experience, but I definitely appreciate things that my boyfriend does for me. He's very considerate and gentleman-ly, and he's kept it up this whole year we've been together.

 

[SirKenin]

Small things are very important. The other day my g/f came over to candles, wine and classical music. We dance to music in the middle of the livingroom. One day I sent a bouquet of carnations with a rose in the middle to her work. I buy her roses at the club. I tell her all the time how much she is wanted and appreciated. I always tell her how I feel about her. We spend time cuddling together. She gets lots of affection. I hold doors open for her. I help her into the car before I myself get in. I hold her and she rests her head on my chest. We watch movies together.

All these things matter and make a huge impact on her self-esteem, confidence and self-worth. They should matter to you too. You deserve to be treated like a queen. Don't settle for anything less.

 

[HelpingHand]

lol yea you've said so before your right, it is very important.

Maeyken, sirkenin kinda answered for me.


Another Question: Do ya'll think that the small things are more important than the big things? Just want to know ya'lls opinions on the matter.

 

[SirKenin]

lol yea you've said so before your right, it is very important.

Maeyken, sirkenin kinda answered for me.


Another Question: Do ya'll think that the small things are more important than the big things? Just want to know ya'lls opinions on the matter.

Nooo. Absolutely not. They are equally important. Picture it like this. Imagine a juggler juggling his bowling pins or whatever. The object is to keep all of them in the air. So it is with a relationship. If you let one drop, they all drop.

 

[Saviot'Valuan]

Small things and big things run together, just because of the intention for me. With my current status, I can't afford too much. I buy her flowers when I can, dinner and movies a few times a month (we're in school). I write her letters all the time, and a few poems. She is especially good to me though. She makes me dinner A LOT, lunch sometimes. She definitly takes care of me. ...I'm so blessed. I'm going to go call her now.

 

[HelpingHand]

I agree sirkenin.

Saviot'Valuan, you don't always have to buy or take a girl out to make her feel good. That is some what, what I meant by the "small things", but there is more to it to me. Like if I am anywhere near his house, even if I don't have a second to waste, I'll stop by, just to give him a kiss....If I get in late and I know he's alseep,I'll call his voicemail, and leave him a message just to tell him goodnight and that I love him, or I'll just leave him a verse (read it out loud for him on the answering machine), knowing that he'll get it in the morning, so if he didn't have time to read his bible that morning, he'll at least get to hear a verse to help start his day. Things that take caring, and thoughfulness.... Not always money.

Anyone else care to comment?

 

[Pope Gonzo]

I don't know if I'm completely missing the point, but I've always seen the small things as just that: small. Yes, they're important, but I think of it in terms of food. The relationship is the big steak, and the small things are the steak sauce or the spices you use to give it extra flavor.

I hardly consider the small things to be nearly as important as the big things, but it may be a matter of definition. Here's how I break it down:

Big things: relationship with God; putting food on the table; always resolving arguments
Small things: holding hands; little notes that say "I love you;" leaving her a voice mail for no reason other than to say "I love you"

If I were to have to choose between any one of the big things and all of the small things, I would take the big thing any day of the week, and I sure hope all of you would too.

And as long as I'm posting, I'm just going to mention one word, and I won't say anything beyond it: age

 

[gweneviere]

I think that the small things are important for more than one reason. Yes, they make you feel happy and satisfied with your mate, but they are so much more. When someone thinks to do those small things, most of the time, it comes from a bigger desire. For example, a man bringing you flowers shows that he thought about you, and thinks that you are worth taking the time to pick them up. This is also an indication of where the relationship is. If your man doesn't do anything but the basics for you, you may have a problem.

It's what's behind those little things that really matters, and that is why they are so important.

 

[bornagain-053184]

small things big things.. all the same they make or break a relatinoship... some smallthings seem they mean more then bigger ones but they are just as important none the less

 

[HelpingHand]

I completely agree with you gweneviere.
pope gonzo, what do you mean by age?

 

[IAMSANGEL]

In a way, I dont think there is any suh thing as 'small' things in relationships; does anyone think that a small thing (like, say leaving an 'i love you' note) only ever happens because of big reasons like because you actually do love the person. So in a way its not small at all, its totally huge because it is joined to a big thing. Know what i mean?

 

[Pope Gonzo]

At 16, it's harder to have a grasp of the big things. How can you compare getting a random love note to putting all your income together with his just to pay for rent, food, and insurance? To me, the latter is a much greater show of love than the former.

 

[HelpingHand]

Oh I agree gonzo, but please do be careful not to judge me by my age.
I'm not saying that the small things are more imortant b/c I don't think they are, but I think that in a way they are of equal importance. You are a man. Most men look at things different from most women. Doing something like putting a roof over her head, can show love, but you can be in a relationship living with this person,and have lost all love for someone, and yet still be in it because it is comfortable. I know many people who have told me that sometimes it's the only reason. *I personaly wouldn't do that but know people who are doing it...and yes they are older than me, and as a matter of fact older than you.*
Men want to deal more with the facts*I'll provide for you, live with you, have children..* women want more of the details* give me flowers for no reason, surprise me by taking me to a nice place out to eat,but making me think we are just going to a movie....etc...*
It's kinda like what IAMSANGEL said: It's all one huge thing. We can categorize it, but in reality it all fits together. Both are part of a relationship, but both have their seperate parts.

 

[princessellie]

i find that the little things are those that mean the most, when he shows up at my house to pick me up . . . with flowers, that he picked himself when he takes me to lunch, opens doors, reads me a devotional b4 i go to bed it is those sort of things that make me realise how blessed i am to have him in my life

 

[aGiRliNnEEdoFhElP]

i agree with you.... i just broke up with my b/f of 5 years and we use to go to this restuarant all the time and now i have to go alone and its not the same. then when we were together he would always be on the computer and i would complian all the time, now i wish i could sit here and watch him play on the computer. relationships are hard.

 

[Inperfected]

I find it's the big and small things. The small things are definately noticed if they are missing for a while, but the big things are noticed immediately. Big things for me at this point are going home rather than seeing me first (he's living an hour away 5 days a week, and weddings in 5 weeks), saving money, and general helpfulness with my busy schedule, and in turn I help him with things, and things like saving etc.