The Rut

[JeffofGallifrey]

My partner has been under a lot of stress over the last few months. She is finishing her last semester of graduate school, and afraid she'll fail a class. It's been a hard semester for her. Meanwhile, we've been pretty busy and I've ended up being a "support person" for a lot of the people in my life lately.
For most of our relationship, my partner and I have traded places with needing vs. giving support. However, I've been the main supportive one lately... it isn't bad, because I owed her one. But it's getting really hard.
I'm beginning to feel drained and stuck in a rut. I'm afraid for her health and everything I have done hasn't helped. What do you do in a relationship when you need someone to lean on, and your partner can't be it? When your friends can't be it? How do you create balance in a relationship so that the person (edit) gets what they need?

If this is in the wrong place, please move it... I don't know where to post.

 

[PloverWing]

Yeah, that's really hard, when you're the one who has to to be strong and keep giving strength to the other person, and you're starting to run out of strength yourself.

My own best strategy is to carve out some time for myself, if I can, when I'm not around people, so that I can totally relax. Take a walk, or sit by a lake, or something like that, away from the house where no one can ask you for anything. It doesn't fix things, exactly, but it helps me catch my breath before going back into the storm.

Her semester's almost over, right? If the two of you can hold on for another couple of weeks, maybe you can both go sit by that lake.

 

[JeffofGallifrey]

Yeah, that's really hard, when you're the one who has to to be strong and keep giving strength to the other person, and you're starting to run out of strength yourself.

My own best strategy is to carve out some time for myself, if I can, when I'm not around people, so that I can totally relax. Take a walk, or sit by a lake, or something like that, away from the house where no one can ask you for anything. It doesn't fix things, exactly, but it helps me catch my breath before going back into the storm.

Her semester's almost over, right? If the two of you can hold on for another couple of weeks, maybe you can both go sit by that lake.

That makes a lot of sense, and sounds really relaxing to an introvert, lol.

I like to stop and smell the flowers (not literally, because I have hay fever, but metaphorically.) I think it's the only thing that's been keeping me sane lately. My partner goes into serious-mode when things get hard, and it is really hard to pull her out of that at times. It is hard to get her to eat, go outside, etc. But, I'm trying. I think things get even more crazy when the semester ends, because then she graduates, we get married, and we move. Maybe tomorrow is the best day to sit by the lake.

I feel less overwhelmed today. She's coming out of the probably-lupus flare, and her huge paper is turned in, so that's nice. Maybe she'll have time to relax.