If i may I'll share a little on grieving the Holy Spirit and at least what it means to me.
Psalm 78:40-41 (KJV)
40 How oft did they provoke him in the wilderness, and grieve him in the desert!
41 Yea, they turned back and tempted God, and limited the Holy One of Israel.
Ephesians 4:29-32 (KJV)
29 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.
30 And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.
31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
Seems like more things grieve God than what I had previously thought. Our speech for sure, but anything that exalts itself against God is grieving.
I can recall services where there is resistance to God, in a way there is sort of a mass resistance to what God wants to do. Religious traditions can be the culprit. We always think we know so much but in reality are knowledge of the move of God is far more limited.
Matthew 9:24-26 (KJV)
24 He said unto them, Give place: for the maid is not dead, but sleepeth. And they laughed him to scorn.
25 But when the people were put forth, he went in, and took her by the hand, and the maid arose.
26 And the fame hereof went abroad into all that land.
Yes, we too can scorn the very thing that God wants to do. Jesus had to put those people out before he brought this woman back to life. There are a lot of do's and don't s in some churches too concerning the gifts of the spirit. I always feel like the leader in charge is an orchestra leader. They have to control things but not so much as to stifle them. Most I think lean to limiting anything unusual or outside their own understanding. But Jesus ministered sometimes in unusual ways.
I once was in a really free church and a woman would go around the congregation waving a banner during worship. I kind of thought it was distracting and one service I basically had a scornful attitude concerning it. In this state of mind I tried see if God too thought it was out of order. Interestingly, the next time she passed by the presence of God just hit really hard. I might question unusual things again, but I will try to do it in a way that is not judgmental and negative. I think it is best to shelve our own preconceptions and let God rule in every service and extend grace to those trying to do what God has asked them. Sure some things fall flat and seem to be of the flesh, but I think those are helpful learning experiences.
A church leader does have to stop distractions whenever possible because Satan will try and bring someone forward that will shut down what God wants to do. An example for this occurred when I was at a downtown mission church that was basically set up in a homeless shelter. The speaker that day was wrapping things up and just starting to offer salvation. The Holy Spirit was moving, when suddenly a man went up and told the preacher that the U.S. President had been shot. So, he immediately shut down the salvation appeal and went straight to praying for the President ( I think it was as far back as the second Bush). When he tried to switch back to salvation, the message was now totally flat. The shift of gears to the false report hampered what God was going to do. The minister should have listened and discerned but I am sure he is more careful since then. Flowing in God requires some risk taking, some trust of other believers, and total dependence on God. Our own ambitions need to be checked.
Other grieving is personal sin. like our speech or other characteristics that are mentioned in the scripture above. We do not have to feel condemned though, God does use imperfect vessels. he seems to shun human confidence and self image and will sometimes chooses the weak things of the world to confound the wise. (I Cor 1:27). Those that especially think they can not do what God is asking, are often the one's being called to do something.
i once attended a Phil Driscoll concert. his message was along the lines of allowing God to move and expecting the things of God, even if they are unusual. After the message he was playing some songs and I felt led to swing dance. Even I thought how unusual, but given the message I just said Ok, God but I can't do this alone. So I asked a woman I brought there is she felt Ok to swing dance right there in the aisle of the service. She amazingly said yes, and we danced well enough, but I could feel the brakes of the audience at least to some extent. No one asked us to stop, but even Phil Driscoll seemed a bit surprised. I still believe it was God though I am sure that some would object to it as improper. I suppose a weak conscience though will not permit most things. Sort of like I might try to judge a Christian cover of a secular song used during a church service. The rock song lyrics are just changed to Godly one's. If it brings additional people to the seats, is it worth it? I think so. No one should go so far as to alter the word of God but God uses lots of unusual things and actions sometimes. You have to love freedom in Christ.