The Reason For Marriage

[mkgal1]

I thought this article (a letter from father to son) made a lot of great points. Here is an excerpt that gives the gist of it, in case you didn't want to read the entire letter:

There are beautiful marriages. But marriages don’t become beautiful by seeking happiness; they become beautiful by seeking something else. Marriages become beautiful when two people embrace the only good reason to get married: to practice the daily sacrifice of their egos.


Ego. You may be hearing that word for the first time. It probably sounds foreign and confusing to you. This is what it means to me:

Your ego is the part of you that protects your heart. You were born with a good and beautiful heart, and it will never leave you. But when I was too harsh toward you, or your friends began to make fun of your extracurricular choices, you started to doubt if your heart was good enough. Don’t worry, it happens to all of us at some point.

And so your mind began to build a wall around your heart. That happens to all of us, too. It’s like a big castle wall with a huge moat—it keeps us safe from invaders who might want to get in and attack our heart. And thank goodness for your ego-wall! Your heart is worthy of protection, buddy.

At first, we only use the ego-wall to keep people out. But eventually, as we grow up, we get tired of hiding fearfully and we decide the best defense is a good offense. We put cannons on our ego-wall and we start firing. For some people that looks like anger. For other people, it looks like gossip and judgment and divisiveness. One of my favorite ego-cannons is to pretend everyone on the outside of my wall is wrong. It makes me feel right and righteous, but really it just keeps me safe inside of my ideas. I know I’ve fired my ego-cannons at you from time to time, and for that I’m truly sorry.

Sometimes we need our cannons to survive. Most of the time we don’t.

Both men and women have ego-walls with cannons. But you’re going to be a man soon, so it’s important to tell you what men tend do with their ego walls—we justify them by pretending they are essential to being a “real” man. Really, most of us are just afraid our hearts won’t be good enough for the people we love, so we choose to stay safe and protected behind high walls with lots of cannons.

Can you see how that might be a problem for marriage?

If you fall into the trap of thinking your ego-wall is essential to being a man, it will destroy any chance of having an enduringly joyful marriage. Because, in the end, the entire purpose of marriage is to dismantle your ego-wall, brick by brick, until you are fully available to the person you love. Open. Vulnerable. Dangerously united.~A Dad’s Letter to His Son (About the Only Good Reason to Get Married) | UnTangled

 

[mkgal1]

Oh! I should have added this as well:

Many people are going tell you the key to a happy marriage is to put God at the center of it, but I think it depends upon what your experience of God does for your ego. Because if your God is one of strength and power and domination, a God who proves you’re always right and creates dividing lines by which you judge everyone else, a God who keeps you safe and secure, I think you should keep that God as far from the center of your marriage as you can. He’ll only build your ego-wall taller and stronger.

But if the God you experience is a vulnerable one, the kind of God that turns the world upside down and dwells in the midst of brokenness and embraces everyone on the margins and will sacrifice anything for peace and reconciliation and wants to trade safety and security for a dangerous and risky love, then I agree, put him right at the center of your marriage. If your God is in the ego dismantling business, he will transform your marriage into sacred ground.

 

[Inkachu]

Good stuff, Mkgal! I wish there'd been a bit more about God and faith in there, but it was still very good advice. And very true. Men and their ego's... whew... on one hand, they seem like insurmountable walls, but if you tap it in the wrong place, oh lord, watch out, the whole thing crumbles lol.

 

[Romanseight2005]

Yes! I asked my son to read this.

 

[LinkH]

I heard a preacher saying not to long ago that we are supposed to get married to glorify God, and for the man, to lay down his life for the woman like Christ did for the church.

 

[hijklmnop]

Love that mkgal.

 

[mkgal1]

I heard a preacher saying not to long ago that we are supposed to get married to glorify God, and for the man, to lay down his life for the woman like Christ did for the church.

Right. This article is giving an explanation as to what that can mean. It glorifies God when two become one---that takes vulnerability and acceptance.

 

[Autumnleaf]

The reason for marriage is to create and raise Godly children to glorify God.

Its not about romantic love or getting good health insurance. Although, it might be about sex too...

1 Corinthians 7

New International Version (NIV)

Concerning Married Life

7 Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.
8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

 

[musingsofacac]

Removed by OP.

 

[musingsofacac]

Removed by OP.

 

[mkgal1]

The Biblical reason for marriage:

Just as Christians are called to sacrifice for Christ and just as Christ sacrificed for us, so to marriage requires sacrifice, but never the sacrifice of following God, we follow God no matter what.

Are you suggesting this article presents an "unbiblical" reason (did you even read the article)? No one is suggesting that we leave behind following God (in fact....this article--IMO---presents maybe the best way we *can* follow God and produce the fruit He desires for us to produce). I don't know why you're bringing that up.

I don't have the time (nor motivation) to respond to each and every one of your points, but this article (and concept) *is* a Biblical one.....all based on Genesis 2:25.

 

[ProudMomxmany]

I don't think I'd be taking any advice about marriage or scripture from Muse.

 

[Romanseight2005]

The Biblical reason for marriage:

There are several reasons given for marriage in the Bible, one set of reasons are temporal, for this place and time God has placed us in before we go on into eternity. By “temporal” reasons I mean for this time and place in God’s design before we go to heaven.

Christ told us in the New Testament that marriage and gender would no longer exist in heaven.

Luke 20:34-35(KJV)


The reasons for marriage in this age are:

God did not want man to be alone, so he made him a helper.

Genesis 2:18(KJV)


1 Corinthians 11:9(KJV)


God wanted man and women to marry and have children:

Genesis 1:27-28(KJV)


1 Timothy 5:14(KJV)


Sexual desire within marriage was given to facilitate having children as well as fostering intimacy between a man and woman:

Proverbs 5:18-19(KJV)


So those are the reasons for marriage in this world. There is another reason for marriage found in Ephesians 5 and it is a spiritual one:



Marriage symbolizes Christ’s relationship with his church. So an exploration of all the aspects (not just some of the aspect) of Christ’s relationship with his church should be mirrored in the relationship between a man and woman in marriage.

This is a tall order, for both the man and woman.

So the man needs to ask himself regularly throughout his marriage – “Am I doing for my wife what Christ does for the church (in all its aspects)?

A woman then needs to ask – Am I acting toward my husband the way God calls the church to act toward Christ?

Just as Christians are called to sacrifice for Christ and just as Christ sacrificed for us, so to marriage requires sacrifice, but never the sacrifice of following God, we follow God no matter what.

2 Corinthians 4:15-18

15 For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God.

16 For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.

17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;

18 While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal .
KJV
1 Corinthians 13:1-14:1
3:1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love , I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love , I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love , I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12 Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love . But the greatest of these is love .


NIV
Galatians 3:26-29

26 You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, 27 for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. 28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. 29 If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise.
NIV

Galatians 5:22-6:1

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

23 Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

24 And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.

25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

26 Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.


KJV

 

[ProudMomxmany]

There is ONE overarching reason for marriage...

God did not create man to be alone. He created the woman to be man's companion. It is really that simple. Now, what that looks like in each individual marriage is up to the couple. There are many expressions of marriage that are God-honoring and within the framework of scripture. However, the overarching is that God did NOT create a man to go through life alone. His wife is his companion, his partner, his mate and the other half of a whole.

 

[Hetta]

There is ONE overarching reason for marriage...

God did not create man to be alone. He created the woman to be man's companion. It is really that simple. Now, what that looks like in each individual marriage is up to the couple. There are many expressions of marriage that are God-honoring and within the framework of scripture. However, the overarching is that God did NOT create a man to go through life alone. His wife is his companion, his partner, his mate and the other half of a whole.

 

[mkgal1]

The idea that this is "the reason for marriage" seems to be a distraction from (what I believe is) the main point---with great walls of defense we aren't going to be able to get close to our spouses.

Is that something debatable?

Just like ProudMom said..."However, the overarching reason is that God did NOT create a man to go through life alone. His wife is his companion, his partner, his mate and the other half of a whole." That can't happen with a fortress around one or both spouses (especially with cannons firing all the time).
__________________

 

[ProudMomxmany]

The idea that this is "the reason for marriage" seems to be a distraction from (what I believe is) the main point---with great walls of defense we aren't going to be able to get close to our spouses.

Is that something debatable?

I don't think so. If someone has those "walls of Jericho" up, they won't ever be able to have true intimacy with their partner. Marital intimacy is based on being vulnerable, open and honest with the spouse. If someone does not feel they can have that level of trust, then they will never discover what marriage is meant to be.

Its sad though that there are many who do not feel they can do that.

 

[mkgal1]

I agree (it *is* sad) and if that's the case (I also agree) they'll never discover what marriage is meant to be.

We can't have spiritual maturity (I don't think so, anyway) without being able truly love others (even those that remain single need to have close friends they are honest with). There are two parts to Christ's summary of the commandments......and He said they're equally important (recorded in Matthew 22:36-40).

 

[mkgal1]

I think that article is basically saying what C.S. Lewis said:

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”


― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

A heart that's preserved in a casket (or fortress, whichever metaphor you prefer) isn't going to be in line with the Scripture that Rom8 posted---especially "the inward man being renewed each day".

 

[Observer]

My husband's only priority in life and our so called marriage is his ego. So that means if I'm ever upset, if he ever does anything hurtful, if he's lazy.. it's all justified and he never has any duty to see anything from my point of view or provide me with any care whatsoever because he's all that matters, and he's unreachable like talking to a brick wall because of his ego