The Quote Mine Game

[PsychoSarah]

(game rules: using the most recent post, use quote mining to alter the meaning of said post as much as possible without making it complete nonsense. This first post shall start it off, but do not use any of the words in parentheses).

In 8th grade, I had a classmate that didn't know plants grew from seeds. When I asked her what she thought they grew from, she replied "I don't know, the leaves?" This seemed incomprehensibly stupid to me at the time. I couldn't imagine how someone could reach the age of 13 and not know that plants grew from seeds. This was the first time I was exposed to stupidity so immense that it caused me physical pain. Sadly, it would not be the last time I had such an experience.

The next year, I started having other students come to me for advice in their life. It was silly, given that I could barely hold my own life together, but I did my best. One particular request for relationship advice still stands out in my mind. A friend of mine wanted to know if he should break up with his girlfriend. He claimed that she had threatened to commit suicide if he left her, and she proceeded to start slicing up her arm with a paper clip. I told him to leave this crazy person, but apparently, that wasn't the answer he wanted to here. Why he thought anyone would recommend he stay in a relationship with this girl, I don't know. Yes, a few people came to me for advice from time to time, but that doesn't mean that they all took my advice.

 

[Chesterton]

Are we allowed to use ellipses to chop it up?

 

[PsychoSarah]

Are we allowed to use ellipses to chop it up?

(yes)

 

[Tanj]

There's an issue on CF (for which I have previously been warned) about quoting someone then changing it. This entire thread might be trouble.

 

[Chesterton]

There's an issue on CF (for which I have previously been warned) about quoting someone then changing it. This entire thread might be trouble.

I'm thinking it would be okay with the OP specifically asking for that for fun, but I'm a little unclear how to go about it. @PsychoSarah Like, if you pull out parts of it, it will be shorter than the original, and quickly get down to nothing, so does each poster add their own original content also?

 

[Tanj]

Having said that,

"I had a classmate that didn't know plants grew from seeds."

becomes

"I ... didn't know plants grew from seeds. "

 

[Chesterton]

"I...grew from seeds."

"...she had threatened to commit suicide...with a paper clip."

 

[sfs]

I had a classmate that didn't know plants grew from seeds. I couldn't imagine how someone could reach the age of 13 and not know that plants grew from seeds. She proceeded to start slicing up her arm with a paper clip. This was the first time I was exposed to stupidity so immense that it caused physical pain.

ETA: A proper quote mine don't use no stinkin' ellipses.

 

[PsychoSarah]

I'm thinking it would be okay with the OP specifically asking for that for fun, but I'm a little unclear how to go about it. @PsychoSarah Like, if you pull out parts of it, it will be shorter than the original, and quickly get down to nothing, so does each poster add their own original content also?

(They will periodically get shorter, to which I will have another starter post, when needed. sfs's post should be the next to be mangled through quote mining).

 

[Chesterton]

I...could reach...13...plants... She proceeded to start slicing up her arm with...paper...
I was...so immense that it caused physical pain.

ETA: ...use...ellipses.

 

[driewerf]

plants [didn't] grew from seeds.

Plants grow from seeds now. That's clear evidence that Dad's different state past is true.

 

[driewerf]

A friend of mine wanted to (...) break up with his girlfriend. He (...) proceeded to start slicing up her arm with a paper clip.

 

[PsychoSarah]

(hehehe, a lot of these are pretty funny. Here's some new material to quote mine).

During middle school, I thought of myself as a creative writer and started to write short stories. In hindsight, most of them are pretty bad, with the best being homages to the writing styles of other authors. However, the worst of these actually has to be one of the first ones I wrote, titled "Bound". The reasons for this title are actually a mistake, as at the time I thought that was what the name Rebecca meant (to be fair, one of the meanings is "to bind"). It was a pretentious story about a serial killer with multiple personalities. I actually laugh a little bit at what was the "most horrifying deaths" my 12 year old mind could come up with. The most common method of killing for the main character was to tie victims up for days while rubbing them with poison ivy leaves, and then to progressively nail them to the chair they were tied to. Now that I think of it, why wasn't that the reason it was called "Bound"? I'm sure this would be an extremely painful and horrible way to die, but it is just so weird and written so badly. It's conclusion is perhaps the worst I have ever read in my life, in which all 3 personalities are reborn into different bodies separately after the death of the murderer. Why? There were absolutely no supernatural elements to the story at all, why is reincarnation a part of the ending? Why did I think I was clever writing this? This story was only 10 pages long and it managed to get that bad. Thankfully, the computer I used to write these stories had it's motherboard fry and was thrown out, so no copies of any of these short stories exist outside of my memory.

However, I am proud of one story in particular that I wrote prior to college. It was an homage to Edgar Allen Poe, in which a man is hired to guard a paranoid man. Eventually, his patron turns on him and buries him alive. Apparently, my description of suffocation was detailed enough that some of the people that read it will begin to hyperventilate. In fact, I could tell whenever someone was reading that part just by watching them, since their body would tense up a bit. It's ending is still a bit silly, but I am still pleased with the fact that I managed to write even a couple of paragraphs that could incite such a strong reaction from readers.

I have since moved on from horror. Instead, whenever I feel like writing, I generally produce comedic works. I was taking myself far too seriously before, and if I am going to laugh at myself for my writing problems, why not bring other people along for the ride?

 

[quatona]

I couldn't imagine how someone could reach the age of 13.
This was the first time I was exposed to the last time.
It was silly that I did my best.
A friend of mine wanted to break his girlfriend.
He claimed that he proceeded to start slicing up her paper clip.
I told this crazy person the answer he wanted to here [sic!].
Why, I don't know.
Yes, few people came to me for advice.

 

[Chesterton]

During middle school, I thought of myself as...short...pretty bad...the worst...
I...was a pretentious...serial killer...
I actually laugh...at...horrifying deaths...
The most common method of killing for the main character was...rubbing them with...a chair...

I'm...horrible...so weird
...I think I was clever...
I used to...fry...
Thankfully,...I...was thrown out...of my memory.
...reincarnation...? I am proud....that I...was Edgar Allen Poe...
I feel like...produce... [Here, Sarah is admitting she feels like cabbage and lettuce and such.]
I am going to laugh at...other people...

 

[Ygrene Imref]

Why don't you make a thread for your blatant sarcasm and hatred for Edgar Allen Poe? Here, you say

I am proud... that... Edgar Allen Poe... is.. a patron... of suffocation..

Clearly he only supports bear hugs, and your silly attempt to connect the squeeze to suffocation is disingenuous of you.

 

[quatona]

Clearly he supports your attempt to connect the squeeze to suffocation.

 

[Ygrene Imref]

This is exactly what you said:

Clearly he supports suffocation.

Now you want to change it?

 

[quatona]

This is exactly what you want

Don´t tell me what I want.

 

[Ygrene Imref]

Tell me what I want.

You want the secrets to the universe, beef wellington and merlot?

Or, maybe that is what I want...

I dunno... u mad bro?