The problem with people

[memoriesbymichelle]

OK what do you think about this? I think the "problem" with alot of people is that we don't tell the truth to each other.

I know that there are times when we should not be so blunt and there are times we have to put on our "happy face" even if we don't feel like it, that's not exactly what I am talking about.

Me....I have a tendancy to be too blunt or honest sometimes, and my friends have gasped at times when I speak my mind. My thing is that you never have to "guess" how I'm feeling and maybe people would be more successful in relationships if we could be more honest.

Sometimes I wish I could do a little candid camera thing where you go in a room full of several guys and talk with them and then you leave and listen to what the guys say about you (cuz that's the only way you get the truth) but wouldn't it be fascinating if we could actually tell someone..."you know I don't want to go out with you because of XYZ" or something like that?

 

[Tigger45]

Matthew 5:37 "But let your 'yes' be 'yes' and your 'No,' 'No.' For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.

Ephesians 4:15 but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head-Christ-

1 Timothy 4:12 Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity.

Titus 3:2 to speak evil of no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing all humility to all men.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Matthew 5:37 "But let your 'yes' be 'yes' and your 'No,' 'No.' For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.

Ephesians 4:15 but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head-Christ-

1 Timothy 4:12 Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity.

Titus 3:2 to speak evil of no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing all humility to all men.

I agree, but my point is that IRL we don't necessarily tell the whole truth to one another. It would save time, energy and hurt feelings in the long run IMO

 

[dayhiker]

Ya, I don't tell people all the things I should IRL either. I admit it. I do better than I used to, but I think I have a long ways to go.

 

[Lone Wolfe]

Well, I have been accused more than once, that I am honest to a fault and I actually take that as a compliment rather than an insult. I have always told people if they really don't want my honest answer about something, please be very careful what you ask me because... you may not want to hear my answer and it has cost a friendship or two already.

My late wife never asked me if something made her look heavy because I had told her the same thing back when we first met and she never tested me on that, lol.

Some folks feel it's alright to tell a little white lie and I have always battled with that idea because, a lie is a lie no matter the context. So, does that mean rather than hurt someone's feelings by saying they look just fine in that outfit (just an example) that, it's better to lie to them by saying they look just fine when you know that isn't true? I would rather someone told me I looked bad in something or, I couldn't sing that particular song or whatever the case, rather than to find out later from someone else that it wasn't cool and then I would not only be hurt, but now I would have lost confidence in the one person I trusted to be honest with me. Does that make sense?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Makes perfect sense and I'm the same way. I'm not mean about it, but why shouldn't I say what I feel? I would want someone to tell me the truth even if it hurt, even if they said I was too fat to date rather than try to sugar coat it and lie to me. I would like it if someone told me my makeup looked like chit rather than not say anything or lie to me.
I just think there would be less communication problems if we spoke our minds (gently) more often. But more often than not, PEOPLE CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

 

[Lone Wolfe]

Too fat to date? I never heard of such insanity? Is there a size scale I'm unaware of for dating? LOL

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Too fat to date? I never heard of such insanity? Is there a size scale I'm unaware of for dating? LOL

Just using that as an example. If someone told me that, I wouldn't believe them anyway, because I know it's not true. Just sayin'

 

[Lone Wolfe]

Ahh, I just wasn't sure of things changed in the dating world in the last couple of years? LOL

Things seem to change so fast anymore that if we don't keep up as single folks, people accuse us of living in caves! LOL

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Ahh, I just wasn't sure of things changed in the dating world in the last couple of years? LOL

Things seem to change so fast anymore that if we don't keep up as single folks, people accuse us of living in caves! LOL

not in caves, it was under a rock but anyway.......

 

[blackribbon]

I think that what a lot of people say at "just telling the truth" is really "just telling my opinion"...and then needs to be weighed on the merits of what my opinion is.

For example: A woman shows up to some group you are in wearing what you consider the most hideous and unflattering dress you've ever seen. First, if she never asks, do you tell her your opinion...remembering that SHE obviously likes it and someone liked it enough to design and sell it...or is it only your opinion and it should be kept to yourself.

Next: Suppose she asks you what do you think?...again, does it MATTER that you think it is hideous...is it honest to say that you think it is hideous or is it just unkind? Saying something like "I have never seen a dress with that unique color scheme!" with a big smile on your face...saves her feelings and is not a lie.

This is something I have addressed in Girl Scouts...just because I don't like something, does not mean that someone else won't. My likes and dislikes don't determine the standards for "taste"..they are not truth but rather my opinion.

Now, if I am turning someone down to meet up with because I really don't want to spend time with them for whatever reason. Am I a better person or a more honest person if I say "No, I'm really not interested in building a relationship with you"...or could "I am so sorry, but things are really busy in my life and as much as I with things were different, I'm not sure that I'll have time for a little while" work just as well and not send the person home to doubt their value as a human being. (and I don't mean using this excuse if you really do spend most evening at home twiddling your thumbs trying to think of something to do...but rather are like me and only the important things in my life actually can make it on the schedule).

I do this at time with my daughter's schedule if she has friends that I'd rather her not spend large quantities of time with. Do I tell her that Valerie is a jerk (again..."my opinion")...or is it okay if I make sure she has lots of other activities to fill her life with and give her the time to determine that Valerie is a jerk on her own or maybe give Valerie a chance to prove herself otherwise.

If I tell a man who asks me out on a second date that "I sorry but I am busy"...why is it lying or being dishonest? I probably am busy...even if it is catching up on my favorite book or making sure I have clean underwear for tomorrow. Is it really better to say, "Sorry Bub, but you are boring and your cologne makes me a little bit sick to my stomach. Not interested." <--- again just my opinion.... How exactly do you say "not interested, don't bother to call back" to someone who really is a nice guy but not a good fit for you?

 

[brinny]

OK what do you think about this? I think the "problem" with alot of people is that we don't tell the truth to each other.

I know that there are times when we should not be so blunt and there are times we have to put on our "happy face" even if we don't feel like it, that's not exactly what I am talking about.

Me....I have a tendancy to be too blunt or honest sometimes, and my friends have gasped at times when I speak my mind. My thing is that you never have to "guess" how I'm feeling and maybe people would be more successful in relationships if we could be more honest.

Sometimes I wish I could do a little candid camera thing where you go in a room full of several guys and talk with them and then you leave and listen to what the guys say about you (cuz that's the only way you get the truth) but wouldn't it be fascinating if we could actually tell someone..."you know I don't want to go out with you because of XYZ" or something like that?

hahaaaa yes, that's sooooo true...the more i think on this the more i'm convinced that the only friends to have are those who are honest.....it takes a bit o' courage, but it builds character.....

 

[renewed21]

OK what do you think about this? I think the "problem" with alot of people is that we don't tell the truth to each other.

I know that there are times when we should not be so blunt and there are times we have to put on our "happy face" even if we don't feel like it, that's not exactly what I am talking about.

Me....I have a tendancy to be too blunt or honest sometimes, and my friends have gasped at times when I speak my mind. My thing is that you never have to "guess" how I'm feeling and maybe people would be more successful in relationships if we could be more honest.

?

I agree Michelle. I find straight talk refreshing and welcome it. The superficial and plastic gets so tired. But I find most people cannnot operate in the "real" so I have to deal with them in the appropriate superficial manner. It gets so old.

 

[exitstageright]

I think that what a lot of people say at "just telling the truth" is really "just telling my opinion"...and then needs to be weighed on the merits of what my opinion is.

For example: A woman shows up to some group you are in wearing what you consider the most hideous and unflattering dress you've ever seen. First, if she never asks, do you tell her your opinion...remembering that SHE obviously likes it and someone liked it enough to design and sell it...or is it only your opinion and it should be kept to yourself.

Next: Suppose she asks you what do you think?...again, does it MATTER that you think it is hideous...is it honest to say that you think it is hideous or is it just unkind? Saying something like "I have never seen a dress with that unique color scheme!" with a big smile on your face...saves her feelings and is not a lie.

This is something I have addressed in Girl Scouts...just because I don't like something, does not mean that someone else won't. My likes and dislikes don't determine the standards for "taste"..they are not truth but rather my opinion.

Now, if I am turning someone down to meet up with because I really don't want to spend time with them for whatever reason. Am I a better person or a more honest person if I say "No, I'm really not interested in building a relationship with you"...or could "I am so sorry, but things are really busy in my life and as much as I with things were different, I'm not sure that I'll have time for a little while" work just as well and not send the person home to doubt their value as a human being. (and I don't mean using this excuse if you really do spend most evening at home twiddling your thumbs trying to think of something to do...but rather are like me and only the important things in my life actually can make it on the schedule).

I do this at time with my daughter's schedule if she has friends that I'd rather her not spend large quantities of time with. Do I tell her that Valerie is a jerk (again..."my opinion")...or is it okay if I make sure she has lots of other activities to fill her life with and give her the time to determine that Valerie is a jerk on her own or maybe give Valerie a chance to prove herself otherwise.

If I tell a man who asks me out on a second date that "I sorry but I am busy"...why is it lying or being dishonest? I probably am busy...even if it is catching up on my favorite book or making sure I have clean underwear for tomorrow. Is it really better to say, "Sorry Bub, but you are boring and your cologne makes me a little bit sick to my stomach. Not interested." <--- again just my opinion.... How exactly do you say "not interested, don't bother to call back" to someone who really is a nice guy but not a good fit for you?

I do not mind,if a woman did not want to see me,and she told me so. I would go to a massage parlour to feel better. It would be justified,because if the nice woman was spending time with me,then I would not have the time to be going to a massage parlour.
It is better for me to go to a massage parlour,than for me to go to a bar and get drunk. Besides,I do not drink.

 

[blackribbon]

I'd only say, I'm not available once. If he didn't get the hint, the second time I'd be a little more straight forward. ... actually, I'd probably be straightforward the first time...but haven't had the opportunity to try this out since I've only dated one guy since my hubby and that lasted a year.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

OK blackribbon, for ME, if someone asked me what I thought about a dress or outfit that I thought was hideous, I probably wouldn't say exactly what I thought, but I would be honest still. I would say something like "It's really not MY style because it's too bold (or whatever) but you must like it because you're wearing it". Now if she asked me "how does it make me look?" I probably would look her straight in the eye and ask her "do you really want my opinion?" and if she knew me, she would already know I would tell her my opinion so.....
I go up to complete strangers sometimes and tell them they have something stuck to their shirt or on their shoe or even if their zipper is down, because I would want someone to tell me, and when someone has pointed out something like that, I am always grateful, and then I am left wondering why no one else told me?
So maybe "the truth" is not the right phrase, but I still think people should give honest "opinions" or answers when asked.
If I was asked out by a guy (hasn't happened in a loooooooooong time ) and I was not interested, I would say "no thank you" and if they pressed me for an answer, if it was because I thought they were not my type, I would tell them exactly that. But that's just me, I guess.