the poison of guilt and doubt

[Gossamyrrh]

Hi all! ive been lurking this forum for a while now, and I love the group we have here. I have been wrestling with some issues today and I would love some opinions. I am a Christian universalist of the mystic persuasion and have only been able to find a home in the emerging church. I was raised in a fundamentalist home and left the faith for New Age philosophies in my teens. Recently I have been able to reconcile my longing for mystical experience and my love of tolerance and freedom with the Gospel of Christ, but there is still some lingering doubt and guilt from my fundamentalist upbringing. I hate feeling like this and want to know how I can get rid of this stupid feeling that I'm not pure enough. I feel judged by fundies even though they don't know my theology, like they can sense I am not one of them. Help!

 

[jacks]

Hi Gossamyrrh:

Don't be so hard on yourself. God is not limited in how he reaches people. Some people need a very pragmatic no nonsense approach to be brought to Christ. Others are reached through a more mystical style. I'm sure you notice how in the Gospels Jesus uses various methods to reach people. If you are being drawn closer to God through your current journey, rejoice! God is working with you in the way that is best suited to your place along the path.

 

[Gossamyrrh]

I know I'm making it harder on myself and beating myself up. I go back and forth from being confident and ready to take on the world to afraid and doubtful. I'll get over this eventually, I've just got alot of internal stuff to work out.

 

[lismore]

Hi all!
!

Hey there!

Welcome

I feel judged by fundies even though they don't know my theology, like they can sense I am not one of them. Help!

I agree, seen that too, but it's foolish for them to judge someone without listening to what they have to say!

I like listening to celtic style music, something that really winds up a lot of fundies. Celtic is the devil's music apparently.

 

[Avonia]

Gossamyrrh, don't tell anyone on this forum, but I too have mystical inklings - to say the least. That path has been the most meaningful of my life.

What I've learned is that you don't have to share everything with everybody. Especially things that trip them up.

One of the best pieces of advice I've ever been given is, "follow your heart."

You are going to be just fine. Enjoy the path you walk - you have a lot of support and guidance at a lot of levels. If you need a course correction, you will be given one loudly and clearly. No guessing required.

 

[Merlin Athrawes]

Hi Gossamyrrh, and welcome. I can empathize about coming from a fundamentalist background and trying to transcend one's pain from experiencing such. They can "sense you're not one of them" because they're never sure even their own are 100% one of them. And they often tend to mistreat you so you'll stay one of them at least emotionally. "Train up a child in the way s/he should go" and all that.

I can't say it won't be difficult, but as you progress it will get better. I promise. You will become freer and stronger.

 

[Merlin Athrawes]

I like listening to celtic style music, something that really winds up a lot of fundies. Celtic is the devil's music apparently.

Sure, and it must be all those antiwar battle songs. "An ye hae seen what I hae seen on the braes of Killecrankie-o" and all that.

But seriously,

1) I'm Scots-Irish and my wife is primarily Scottish, and we listen to Celtic music, so we must be of the devil too.

2) Most seriously, what music precisely ISN'T of the devil to them?

 

[lismore]

Sure, and it must be all those antiwar battle songs. "An ye hae seen what I hae seen on the braes of Killecrankie-o" and all that.

But seriously,

1) I'm Scots-Irish and my wife is primarily Scottish, and we listen to Celtic music, so we must be of the devil too.

2) Most seriously, what music precisely ISN'T of the devil to them?

Hey there

You have an awesome taste in music then!! I play mandolin and some banjo myself, love Celtic music.

Things have been labelled satanic so much, that I think I'm immune to it now. Just about every inoffensive thing was Satanic. I had a Christian woman visit my house, she saw flowers on the wallpaper. That was apparently a big no-no! The pattern looked like a fleur de lis which is apparently in league with the devil.

 

[lismore]

"An ye hae seen what I hae seen on the braes of Killecrankie-o" and all that.

Whaur hae ye been sae braw lad?

Great song!

 

[Supernaut]

Hi all! ive been lurking this forum for a while now, and I love the group we have here. I have been wrestling with some issues today and I would love some opinions. I am a Christian universalist of the mystic persuasion and have only been able to find a home in the emerging church. I was raised in a fundamentalist home and left the faith for New Age philosophies in my teens. Recently I have been able to reconcile my longing for mystical experience and my love of tolerance and freedom with the Gospel of Christ, but there is still some lingering doubt and guilt from my fundamentalist upbringing. I hate feeling like this and want to know how I can get rid of this stupid feeling that I'm not pure enough. I feel judged by fundies even though they don't know my theology, like they can sense I am not one of them. Help!

Howdy! I too am a recovering fundie with mystic leanings. My transformation happened a little more than a year ago....and is still continuing.

In regards to not feeling pure enough, you must remember that you have a unique and personal relationship with God. There is no other like it. Your purity is only what you choose to make of it. You are a child of God....no one can say any different.

 

[Gossamyrrh]

thanks a bunch guys! i had a meeting with a very on point pastor earlier, he told me i need to stop focusing on the people and just focus on God... so i feel affirmed that what I'm believing in is A-okay and not heretical at all.

 

[Supernaut]

thanks a bunch guys! i had a meeting with a very on point pastor earlier, he told me i need to stop focusing on the people and just focus on God... so i feel affirmed that what I'm believing in is A-okay and not heretical at all.

Awesome! Thanks for the update. Glad you are ok spiritually. Do not be worried that your beliefs are "heretical." We are all heretics in the eyes of our peers. Imagine how much of a heretic Jesus was in the eyes of the Pharisees and Sadducees!! Focus on the message of Christ and you will always be on the right track.

 

[scraparcs]

God's too big for guilt and a million rules.

 

[Izdaari Eristikon]

Welcome, Gossamyrrh! (cool name btw)

I'm another "emerging church" Christian with mystical leanings. I have no fundamentalist background, but I am Pentecostal, not by upbringing but because that's what the best church I've ever found is. My mysticism is of the traditional Christian variety, mainly from Celtic and Catholic sourcesa.

 

[Gossamyrrh]

im just lucky enough to be able to attend a bonafied emerging church, my pastor is one of the spearheads of the Voice bible translation project, and an all around glorious human being. He will go from mentioning microbrewed beer in his sermons to weeping over human suffering. My church is wonderful BUT I am in an internship program at a kidn of Rehab place for teens that is very staunchly conservative fundie (but loosenign a bit) and the guy i take my theology classes from denies that he is a fundie, but has already said the word heresy like 15 times and ive only taken 2 classes haha...

im so glad this section of the forum exists...id be lost without it....