The Only.

[Frocus]

Okay so I just came back from a mission trip with my youth group and of course me being the only black person there. I've always been the only black guy in almost everything I do. I'm in all Honors classes and two CP and where I live a lot of black people aren't in the classes (as in 0-1) and where I go to youth group is a "white" church. In my classes I'm always being called an oreo (as in black on the outside white on the inside.) or the "the whitest black guy ever" and having to deal with stupid racist jokes (some are light-hearted some are not). I have friends but they're all white (which I'm completely fine with), and most of the black people at my school act like the stereotypical ones and I don't get along with them that well.

So where I'm going with all this rambling is that I'm just looking for advice. I just always feel so lonely and I feel like if there was a surgery where they could change my pigment gene and my hair gene I would get it in a heart beat.

Thanks for the advice.

 

[IisJustMe]

The least important genetic trait we have is skin color, and yet we all manage to make a big deal out of it. It is the way society has chosen to divide itself, because it is the easiest thing to identify about someone else. I have tried all my life to ignore skin color and identify others by their character. Yet even I have a tendency to see someone of a different color than I am and make some stupid assumption about them based solely on that feature. No matter how quickly I push that thought out of my mind, I nonetheless feel guilty about having such stupid emotional reactions.

You're fighting a battle that has been going on in this country for as long as it has been a country, and longer. There isn't an answer. No, I did not say there is no "easy" answer. There is no answer. Period. People are going to act as they act no matter what. Some will act worse than others. Some will act better. But everyone will have automatic responses that we can neither rid ourselves of or explain. I was raised by parents who taught me that skin color means nothing, but what is underneath, and what comes out of the mouth and the heart are what is important. That was not an easy attitude to foster in north Missouri farm country where the nearest black person (up until the mid 1990s) was 70 miles away in Maryville or St. Joseph. Still, I've managed to develop some deep inner feeling that triggers those stereotypical responses before I even realize they are there.

I know its frustrating for you. Other black people expect you to act a certain way, which is ironic since they are angered by white people who expect you to act a certain way. White people expect you to act a certain way as well, whether they admit it or not. The only thing you can do is pray that God leads you to understand it all, help you to work through the confusing emotions that you are having on top of the regular confusing emotions all teens have at your age and works to change everyone's heart, yours and those of your friends on both side of the color barrier, to the point, I pray, that it ceases to exist. God bless you, my brother, and may the Lord be with you.

 

[Philothei]

Hey Frocus

I agree with Justme. Our society is a bit messed up for sure and has lots of problems as we all interact NOT in the same basis. Unfortunately for one reason or another humans as we are we act a bit off the mark at times. Some more than others. I have been in company of all walks of life. Smart people like yourself are always looked at strange. Do not stress about your color please...not to add more into the mix... My daughter is an honor student and she is discriminated sometimes for being Greek...ah...what is new! Please do not fret just stick it out and ignore the ignorant (my way of putting it). Just go after excellence and put your trust in God not people

prayers for you to continue to shine

P.

 

[seeingeyes]

Okay so I just came back from a mission trip with my youth group and of course me being the only black person there. I've always been the only black guy in almost everything I do. I'm in all Honors classes and two CP and where I live a lot of black people aren't in the classes (as in 0-1) and where I go to youth group is a "white" church. In my classes I'm always being called an oreo (as in black on the outside white on the inside.) or the "the whitest black guy ever" and having to deal with stupid racist jokes (some are light-hearted some are not). I have friends but they're all white (which I'm completely fine with), and most of the black people at my school act like the stereotypical ones and I don't get along with them that well.

So where I'm going with all this rambling is that I'm just looking for advice. I just always feel so lonely and I feel like if there was a surgery where they could change my pigment gene and my hair gene I would get it in a heart beat.

Thanks for the advice.

This is a tough one. You just can't win for losing. Not black enough for the black kids and not white enough for the white kids. But I'll tell you what, you are exactly the right shade for God.

I don't have any direct experience walking in your shoes, but I can tell you that it will get somewhat easier once you get get out of high school. People aren't artificially herded by age group and address in the real world, so you have a lot more freedom when choosing your friendships. That isn't to say that there is no racism, but that you will be freer to have friends that like you for you, and not some arbitrary way you 'should be'.

God bless

 

[motherprayer]

Isn't it nice that God said let us all be of the same MIND, not the same skin! You are a member of the human race, no greater or less than I, and because of that, God loves you and you are beautiful just the way you are!
Please don't misunderstand, my husband is black, and I have learned well from him the evils of racism, and I won't discount how awful that can be. But God made you WHO you are, just the WAY you are, for a reason, and that is something to rejoice in right there!

Jeremiah 1:5 KJV Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord , "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Wow how these two verses mean so much to one who is unsure about his identity! God has a plan for you! God wants you to come just as you are, and lay your emotions regarding this on His Holy altar for Him to heal!

 

[hedrick]

I'm white, which means I'm going to be missing key parts of your perspective. But part of the answer seems to be: why bother to have the civil rights movement if all black people have to live some special black life?

But knowing what is right doesn't make you feel better, I'm afraid. It sounds like you've got some friends. I don't know your friends, but surely at least some of them are accepting of differences. (I realize not everyone your age is.) You might want to talk to them about this, so they know how you feel. Sometimes people think jokes don't matter. But decent kids will support you if they realize how you feel about it. I'd also talk with both your parents and youth leader. God can certainly help you, but having some friends and leaders on your side is a good idea as well. When you're under continual emotional attack, even just stupid, not very serious attack, it can be draining. Just having a few people you can hang out with to get away, and even yell at when you can't take it any more, should be a help.

 

[Echetus]

This is the most important lesson to learn. People are sinful. In the land of the blind the man with one eye is King. Conformity to the World for a Christian is enmity with God. Seek to Serve God, He will Call you, and you will enter the Promised Land. The Lord does not Will for us to be normal, we are His Chosen People in a Fallen World. He has promised to Bless us with every Blessing, if only we have Faith, and if you have Faith everything is given to you, John: 14, 1 Corinthians: 2

 

[parsley]

I can see how that would be awkward. The US is so culturally mixed, it seems unusual to have that imbalance.

According to your profile age, you only have a few years of HS left. Once that is past, you have your pick of cities, regions, and neighborhoods.

Are there any hobbies that would take you out of your school and into the community? Our town has lots of meetup groups for indie filmmaking, Etsy, skate-and-shoot hockey, rugby, writing, debate, book discussions, airsoft... anything you can dream up. You are not completely stuck with your school and church friends.

Another thing to consider -- most larger cities have alternative options for high school. Besides charters, there are arts and technical schools, and custom curriculum options. When people make the choice to attend a specialized school, they are usually more motivated, and come from a broader base of neighborhoods.

 

[Ark100]

You should just get comfortable with who you are regardless of color.
I don't think you should be thinking about whether there is a surgery that turns black skin white.
God made you who you are for a reason. Appreciate it and live with it.
When people understand that they cant change the way they are (black or white), and they decide to actually enjoy the way they are and feel comfortable and confident in the way they are. That is when life begins to make sense.
You re not pleasing anyone, just living as you.
No matter what color you are, some people will still dislike or like you. No matter what color you are, you will still run through life problems like everyone else once in a while.
The utmost thing is to live your life happy, and confident in yourself.

 

[LilLamb219]

High School is such a difficult time to get through! Kids pick on other kids...JUST BECAUSE. There doesn't even have to be a real excuse. They will single out others on a whim and too many hop on that bandwagon. They find one fault in a kid who has it all and again gang up on that student to belittle him.

Just remain yourself and enjoy who you are. If some people don't like it, too bad, that's their problem NOT YOURS! You cannot change your color but who says someone of a different color HAS to act a certain way? That's ridiculous!

Try to ignore the comments and jokes if you can. It's hard to do. I mean if you comment back, then you're the one who has the problem, not them (according to them), which is dumb, right.

And you know, there could be times when your close friends even forget about your skin color and make an off joke without thinking about it. It happens. They still love you for who YOU are Hang in there! High School doesn't last forever and the teenage years as difficult as they are, aren't really as long as they seem.

 

[Pal Handy]

Okay so I just came back from a mission trip with my youth group and of course me being the only black person there. I've always been the only black guy in almost everything I do. I'm in all Honors classes and two CP and where I live a lot of black people aren't in the classes (as in 0-1) and where I go to youth group is a "white" church. In my classes I'm always being called an oreo (as in black on the outside white on the inside.) or the "the whitest black guy ever" and having to deal with stupid racist jokes (some are light-hearted some are not). I have friends but they're all white (which I'm completely fine with), and most of the black people at my school act like the stereotypical ones and I don't get along with them that well.

So where I'm going with all this rambling is that I'm just looking for advice. I just always feel so lonely and I feel like if there was a surgery where they could change my pigment gene and my hair gene I would get it in a heart beat.

Thanks for the advice.

Choose your battles...

Most of what goes on sounds like the normal nit picking
that kids do so laugh it off and don't let a chip develop on your
shoulder that will sit there just inviting others to knock it off.

I have learned to laugh with those who laugh at me on occasion and
this disarms their humor at my expense and when they see that
they can't get me to react negatively, they move on.

I have learned see the joke they are making and laugh at myself
through their eyes.

I am of course not talking about those who are not trying to bully and torment.

For those that are malicious, I call them out on the carpet and point
out their cruelness and their own lack of self esteem.

People are the same no matter what race.
If you had black friends they would find your weaknesses and joke about them too.

People are the same.

Don't make this a big issue about race when it is human nature (fallen)
to make jokes about others and try to get them to jump and jerk.

Oreos?

Oreos are a treat and most people love the dark chocolate outside
with the sweet inner filling so if I where you I would take
the Oreo comments as a high complement.

Don't think the worse of people, try to see the humor and the good and realize
if people did not like you they would not feel as if they could joke
with you without you getting upset.

Pray for your enemies and give grace to your friends and be thankful
that you have people who care about you and want to poke at you
as their way of saying I like you and so I want to interact with you,
even if it is immature and on the edge of poor taste.

 

[BFine]

There's a book by John Howard Griffin titled "Black Like Me"
--synopsis: Deeply committed to the cause of racial justice and frustrated by his inability as a white man to understand the black experience, Griffin decides to take a radical step: he decides to undergo medical treatment to change the color of his skin and temporarily become a black man. After securing the support of his wife and of George Levitan, the editor of a black-oriented magazine called Sepia which will fund Griffin's experience in return for an article about it, Griffin sets out for New Orleans to begin his life as a black man. He finds a contact in the black community, a soft-spoken, articulate shoe-shiner named Sterling Williams, and begins a dermatological regimen of exposure to ultraviolet light, oral medication, and skin dyes.

I read the book when I was 10, it is a story that stays with you long after you
have read it...I would recommend that you check this out.

The real problem you are experiencing is sin...in the form of prejudice.
It's been a problem since Genesis (in the bible.)

*Excerpt taken from got questions org--
James 2:4 describes those who discriminate as “judges with evil thoughts.”
Instead, we are to love our neighbors as ourselves (James 2:8).

In the Old Testament, God divided humanity into two “racial” groups: Jews and Gentiles. God’s intent was for the Jews to be a kingdom of priests, ministering to the Gentile nations. Instead, for the most part, the Jews became proud of their status and despised the Gentiles.
Jesus Christ put an end to this, destroying the dividing wall of hostility (Ephesians 2:14). All forms of racism, prejudice, and discrimination are affronts to the work of Christ on the cross.

John 13:34
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

Ephesians 4:32 declares, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
Those who practice racism/prejudice/discrimination need to repent. “Present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God” (Romans 6:13).