What should actually be at the top of your list? Everyone seems to be missing it. I know I have.
I've been thinking about this lately and come to a major realization. It may seem obvious but it's actually not as much as one might think.
From looking back on my past experiences as well as reading about various similar experiences on cf, I see some common themes.
Everyone seems to have this list of qualities or "must have's" that they require in a mate. That is one major theme I see on here.
The other predominate factor in the majority of the posts is dissapointments stemming from rejejections. More often than not the case is unrequited love or affection. You meet someont that you think has ALL of the most important qualities you look for in a mate, therefore; they must be the ONE and RIGHT for you! You go over the list and tick, tick, tick; everything lines up. . . . . Except for one (not so) minor detail: They don't like you!(or they stoppe liking you, such as a former relationship) So either people pine after someone for endless periods of time, or try to to convince the person and others that they are right for them. Or perhaps the individual simply feels cheated by that person and maybe even by God. Because it seems if only this person in question would return the affections, everything would be great because they match the internal "list" of requirements.
But that is not so, the MOST important quality (and this is not a theological debate about Godliness being most important, that is besides the point, and in this example considered a given) But before one gets all hung up on how well this person "seems" to match with their list (though they probably overlook a couple things and invent a few things in their head also to MAKE it fit); the person should have a big check mark to tick off at the top of the list. This should be:
Does this person like me?!!!
Because if they don't, then they are NOT perfect for you, right for you, good for you, blah blah blah. That's the most important thing. You are created in God's image and are a wonderful human being. God's best is NOT someone who you have to work to convince of their like for you. Nor is it someone you have to convince yourself to like and ignore red flags or flaws that are incompatible with you just because a few things line up. God adores you and of course he wants the right person for you to be someone that adores you also. Many people will not recognize the things in you that God sees. (most in fact) And most will not recognize the amazingness in you to the extent that they will want to be in an exclusive relationship with you. But that is for a good reason because if they did it would distract you from the RIGHT person, who would recognize this awesomeness in you.
So if someone doesn't like you, cut your losses and walk away. Sure it can be hard. But its especially painful if you allowed yourself to get all wrapped up in the fantasy and idea of being together without first having clear evidence that the other person actually wanted that with you. If they didn't, you shouldnt let your mind go there. And if they don't, it's not poor, woe is me, you are actually LUCKY, BLESSED because you have been spared from someone who was NOT right for you; and who would have prevented you from meeting the person that was.
The right person will like you. You won't have to try and convince them to or do anything or be anything other than who and what you already are and already do.
So all those people that you liked who rejected you in one form or another, do more than just forgive them, be thankful to them. Because they did you a huge favour by recognizing what you were not able to in whatever state of emotion or infatuation you were under, they were able to see that you weren't right. And perhaps, just perhaps God gave them that insight because he loves you THAT much.
Sure it may feel like a stingray in a bullet wound. But if you trust God, one day I believe everything will work out for your good.
So, next time you begin to fancy someone, find out if they are on the same page sooner rather than later and don't sit around building up affections for someone who doesn't have the most important quality on your list.
And next time you make a "List" please don't forget that most important thing. They need to like you. They need to be sure of it and you need to be sure of it. No head games. If they don't, they werent' even close to right for you because that is soooo important. You are better off as cliche as that sounds, but you really are. You don't want to be with someone who isnt sure how they feel about you or is leaning in the direction of no.
God loved us first before we ever entered relationship with him. He didnt have to wonder how he felt about us nor did we have to convince him of His love for us or convince ourselves. We may have trouble believing how great and big God's love for us is sometimes, but that is besides the point.
It may be a bit of a stretch to say this but it sort of ties my point together; the most important quality in God to be in relationship with us is that he LOVES us. "For God so Loved the world that he gave his one and only begotten son that we would not perish but have everlasting life." That act that saved us was first birthed out of love. God didnt decide to love us after the fact. If he did, maybe he would be no different than the false Gods which require one to earn their love and favour and affection by changing one's self or doing things a 'right' or certain way.
No God's love is constant and sure. And we can be absolutely certain that God loves us beyond a shadow of a doubt. We have his son, Jesus as proof of that. No mind games required.
I've been thinking about this lately and come to a major realization. It may seem obvious but it's actually not as much as one might think.
From looking back on my past experiences as well as reading about various similar experiences on cf, I see some common themes.
Everyone seems to have this list of qualities or "must have's" that they require in a mate. That is one major theme I see on here.
The other predominate factor in the majority of the posts is dissapointments stemming from rejejections. More often than not the case is unrequited love or affection. You meet someont that you think has ALL of the most important qualities you look for in a mate, therefore; they must be the ONE and RIGHT for you! You go over the list and tick, tick, tick; everything lines up. . . . . Except for one (not so) minor detail: They don't like you!(or they stoppe liking you, such as a former relationship) So either people pine after someone for endless periods of time, or try to to convince the person and others that they are right for them. Or perhaps the individual simply feels cheated by that person and maybe even by God. Because it seems if only this person in question would return the affections, everything would be great because they match the internal "list" of requirements.
But that is not so, the MOST important quality (and this is not a theological debate about Godliness being most important, that is besides the point, and in this example considered a given) But before one gets all hung up on how well this person "seems" to match with their list (though they probably overlook a couple things and invent a few things in their head also to MAKE it fit); the person should have a big check mark to tick off at the top of the list. This should be:
Does this person like me?!!!
Because if they don't, then they are NOT perfect for you, right for you, good for you, blah blah blah. That's the most important thing. You are created in God's image and are a wonderful human being. God's best is NOT someone who you have to work to convince of their like for you. Nor is it someone you have to convince yourself to like and ignore red flags or flaws that are incompatible with you just because a few things line up. God adores you and of course he wants the right person for you to be someone that adores you also. Many people will not recognize the things in you that God sees. (most in fact) And most will not recognize the amazingness in you to the extent that they will want to be in an exclusive relationship with you. But that is for a good reason because if they did it would distract you from the RIGHT person, who would recognize this awesomeness in you.
So if someone doesn't like you, cut your losses and walk away. Sure it can be hard. But its especially painful if you allowed yourself to get all wrapped up in the fantasy and idea of being together without first having clear evidence that the other person actually wanted that with you. If they didn't, you shouldnt let your mind go there. And if they don't, it's not poor, woe is me, you are actually LUCKY, BLESSED because you have been spared from someone who was NOT right for you; and who would have prevented you from meeting the person that was.
The right person will like you. You won't have to try and convince them to or do anything or be anything other than who and what you already are and already do.
So all those people that you liked who rejected you in one form or another, do more than just forgive them, be thankful to them. Because they did you a huge favour by recognizing what you were not able to in whatever state of emotion or infatuation you were under, they were able to see that you weren't right. And perhaps, just perhaps God gave them that insight because he loves you THAT much.
Sure it may feel like a stingray in a bullet wound. But if you trust God, one day I believe everything will work out for your good.
So, next time you begin to fancy someone, find out if they are on the same page sooner rather than later and don't sit around building up affections for someone who doesn't have the most important quality on your list.
And next time you make a "List" please don't forget that most important thing. They need to like you. They need to be sure of it and you need to be sure of it. No head games. If they don't, they werent' even close to right for you because that is soooo important. You are better off as cliche as that sounds, but you really are. You don't want to be with someone who isnt sure how they feel about you or is leaning in the direction of no.
God loved us first before we ever entered relationship with him. He didnt have to wonder how he felt about us nor did we have to convince him of His love for us or convince ourselves. We may have trouble believing how great and big God's love for us is sometimes, but that is besides the point.
It may be a bit of a stretch to say this but it sort of ties my point together; the most important quality in God to be in relationship with us is that he LOVES us. "For God so Loved the world that he gave his one and only begotten son that we would not perish but have everlasting life." That act that saved us was first birthed out of love. God didnt decide to love us after the fact. If he did, maybe he would be no different than the false Gods which require one to earn their love and favour and affection by changing one's self or doing things a 'right' or certain way.
No God's love is constant and sure. And we can be absolutely certain that God loves us beyond a shadow of a doubt. We have his son, Jesus as proof of that. No mind games required.
