The marriage bed- is there a wrong way to make it?

[LinkH]

I've heard there are Christian owned companies that sell this stuff without selling porn.

One thing I've thought about is how raunchy condom ads can be. You don't see them on TV in this country, but I actually saw one or two in Indonesia. There was one where a woman kind of 'meowed' at her husband. It was a weird commercial, but kind of funny. I don't remember any other TV commercials for condoms after that one aired for a little while. That one seemed to be in the context of marriage. The government there has promoted condom use, but I think they are a little careful about how they do it. In that culture, even sex jokes tend to be made about sex in the context of marriage.

Some of the Durex print ads I've seen seem to be fornication oriented. I wonder if there is a market for a more family friendly condom company. The Roman Catholics wouldn't support it. But Protestants not wanting to support porn and fornication might want to buy from a company that is less raunchy than some of the others.

 

[bluegreysky]

BlueSky, it looks like you're talking about a wedge or a body pillow. You can get those from Wal Mart, too, and no one needs to know you use it for sex rather than elevating your head when you sleep. Or if you like, you can hide it under your bed. But don't go and spend all kinds of money....you can get them much cheaper elsewhere.

Well, you're half right. It's like a temperpedic pillow but much larger... large enough to hold two uhm horizontal people lol
A temperpedic is $99 but only $30 for the Bed Bath and Beyond version, but if it was made about 5x bigger, that would make it $150 which is right in the ballpark of the smaller of the three objects I saw on an adult store wedsite... but that doesn't include a protective cover. The objects have a sanitary cover obviously. The pillow you have to buy one for extra $.

 

[ParentofChildren]

Every morning I get up and pull up the sheets and duvet and place the pillows that match the duvet in front of the ones I sleep on and then top it all off with some flashy throw pillows, one of which has sequins on it.
And once married, I will still make the bed that same way.

But that's not what I'm talking about here.

My question is about "making the Christian marriage bed" as in..... the sex life.

"Sheet Music", the Christian lifeystyle book about marital intimacy, and others like it, would put alot of emphasis on a couple using the tools God gave them (so their own bodies) to create a "symphony" in the bedroom.

Modern secular society would suggest that for something like that to be "exciting and fulfilling", you need some special outfits, some "toys", some things in bottles that create sensations, maybe a special (overprieced) piece of "furniture"... and all these items are sold in a place that you must be ID'd to enter because of all the "naughty adult content"..

I posted a thread on the single's forum last year asking if they would go to one of such stores only to buy things that would enhance their marriage, and boy was it a controversial but exciting topic on there!

What do you, as experience married folks, think about it?
did God only intend you to do what you can do naturally or is it "ok" or "wrong" to add some man-made "spice" to it? (costumes, toys, flavored goodies...)

*sorry for any lewd mental pictures I accidentally created just now

God wants us to enjoy the intimate married relationship. Variety and play would fit that description. Talk about what your interests are, and see what is shared, and what is not. Respect boundaries. If you want pictures for personal reference, and he does not, then don't. If you both enjoy the taste of whipped cream, go for it! Making love is different for every person, and every couple, so be ready to explore. Make that part of the fun.

 

[LinkH]

Every morning I get up and pull up the sheets and duvet and place the pillows that match the duvet in front of the ones I sleep on and then top it all off with some flashy throw pillows, one of which has sequins on it.
And once married, I will still make the bed that same way.

But that's not what I'm talking about here.

My question is about "making the Christian marriage bed" as in..... the sex life.

"Sheet Music", the Christian lifeystyle book about marital intimacy, and others like it, would put alot of emphasis on a couple using the tools God gave them (so their own bodies) to create a "symphony" in the bedroom.

Modern secular society would suggest that for something like that to be "exciting and fulfilling", you need some special outfits, some "toys", some things in bottles that create sensations, maybe a special (overprieced) piece of "furniture"... and all these items are sold in a place that you must be ID'd to enter because of all the "naughty adult content"..

I posted a thread on the single's forum last year asking if they would go to one of such stores only to buy things that would enhance their marriage, and boy was it a controversial but exciting topic on there!

What do you, as experience married folks, think about it?
did God only intend you to do what you can do naturally or is it "ok" or "wrong" to add some man-made "spice" to it? (costumes, toys, flavored goodies...)

*sorry for any lewd mental pictures I accidentally created just now

There is a part of town that has shops that advertise adult material, including 'toys'. But they usually advertise video. It's probably not a good idea to go into a store that sells and displays porn to buy something for your marriage. You may also be supporting that industry.

There are places to buy things online. I've heard of Christian themed sites selling the stuff. Somewhere up the supply chain there is bound to be a supplier that supports the 'adult' industry. But at least a few decades ago, you could buy crackers and support a tobacco company. I heard someone say she didn't want to buy a drink with 'halal' on it out of fear of supporting Muslims. At some point, it starts to get ridiculous, not buying things because you might support someone whose into something wicked because most of the world is into something sinful.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I think when your first married you should enjoy just the two of you with no "devices" to use. Because sometimes you may end up needing the device more then using your spouse. When your older or if you have health issues maybe its more ok to use that stuff. Or in cases where things are getting stale.

As for buying stuff. That is hard to do since most place are usually pornographic in nature when looking for things. I'd never step foot in an adult store. I do see why people feel it would support an industry even if you buy from a christian site but thing is its sex related in nature so you may not have a choice in what your supporting. Not to mention alot of what we buy supports things we probably don't like. Sex is sex. Its something God wants us to enjoy with our spouse.

In regards to furniture, having seen it at sites like Amazon, its essentially what the same thing that you can buy at any normal store. Or just be creative with pillows and so on. Wheres theres a will theres a way.

 

[Angeldove97]

Please note that a few posts were deleted from non-married members. Please only respond to threads in this area if you are already married.

 

[tenderheart1]

I'm not going to continue reading any more of these responses because I feel some of them are absolutely ridiculous and very prudish!

Whatever you and your husband decide to do in your own bedroom, is up to the two of you. Obviously, there are things that God would not approve of such as pornography, bringing in a 3rd party, etc... But if you and your husband are in agreement, I say you have the right to get as kinky as you want. I don't understand why Christians are so prudish when it comes to exploring their fantasies and the fantasies of their partner. I assure you, your partner HAS fantasies. And at some point, if you are not open sexually to your partner, they WILL step out on you in secret and find someone who WILL meet their sexual desires and needs. Y'all stop acting like sex is a chore and start enjoying your partner!

And as far as vibrators, if they help you... buy them. Some men feel threatened by them so be sure there is open communication and that he feels okay with it. Some men will encourage it, if it helps the woman achieve [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse].

Ok... I'm done ranting.

 

[Darkhorse]

I don't understand why Christians are so prudish when it comes to exploring their fantasies and the fantasies of their partner.

Some are not prudish, but...everyone has their own comfort level.

 

[Gigaquad]

For us we stick with a few fancy clothes. For me, when my wife puts on a nice dress that's all I really need to get my thoughts to more intimate realms. For her, she likes me dressed in a suit and commanding a room, from something as simple as leading a prayer over dinner at a restaurant to something as big as directing a working crew. It's the same to her, just the act itself. As for toys, too many women get desensitized after playing with vibrators to the point that they need a locomotive running through to experience pleasure.
The last thing I need is my woman desensitized. And after 15 years and four babies we're still extremely frisky and happy. We don't desire distractions from each other, I guess.

 

[Dave-W]

LOL I was just curious what everyone thought about the concept in general

IMO trying to figure out the scripturality of this issue is like most other things in the christian life. You have to ask yourself a series of questions: (no order)

Does it violate any direct command of scripture?
Does it violate any indirect theme of scripture?
Why do you want to do it?
Is your spouse 100% with you on this?

If you answer "no" for the first 2 and "yes" on the last (and #3 makes sense) then go for it.

 

[steflou64]

When I get married (I am naming it and claiming it) I would not look at porn to try to enhance the relationship. Two other activities I refuse to take part in is oral and anal sex! I have a friend who has her own ministry who says the Lord showed her a vision of someone with hay/stubble in their mouth and asked her "how does that glorify me" (oral sex). I hope I don't have trouble finding a truly Godly man who would not want oral sex (two of the guys I have talked to did it with their ex wives and enjoyed it!). It seems so many people these days-christian and non-christian are having oral sex! Gross! I refuse to do it or let it be done to me when I get married!

 

[Gigaquad]

When I get married (I am naming it and claiming it) I would not look at porn to try to enhance the relationship. Two other activities I refuse to take part in is oral and anal sex! I have a friend who has her own ministry who says the Lord showed her a vision of someone with hay/stubble in their mouth and asked her "how does that glorify me" (oral sex). I hope I don't have trouble finding a truly Godly man who would not want oral sex (two of the guys I have talked to did it with their ex wives and enjoyed it!). It seems so many people these days-christian and non-christian are having oral sex! Gross! I refuse to do it or let it be done to me when I get married!

Alot of women and men feel the same way about oral sex as you do now until they have tried it. It's not about you at that point, it's about your husband/wife. You're doing it for them, not for you. And there's nothing in the bible against it. It's just another way for you to show how much you love the one you're with. If you're worried about the um...reward...just pull away before it arrives. There are many ways to keep it clean.

Finding a man that does not want that is impossible unless he's had some traumatic experience or has some kind of phobia. I wish you the best of luck with it though, or with your hangup with it. Either way I wish you the best.

 

[steflou64]

Gigaquad-it is not a "hangup" to want to live a Godly life! My friend Mary at Mary J. Ministries-you can google her website has two books called "effective prayers for various situations" volumns 1 and 2-in Volume 2 on page 36 she discussed oral sex and how the Lord says it defiles us!

 

[Gigaquad]

Gigaquad-it is not a "hangup" to want to live a Godly life! My friend Mary at Mary J. Ministries-you can google her website has two books called "effective prayers for various situations" volumns 1 and 2-in Volume 2 on page 36 she discussed oral sex and how the Lord says it defiles us!

I'm going to politely disagree with your friend then. I understand sodomy and the associated biblical ban (not to mention disease, mess, and disgust) but oral sex is not banned in the bible. Again, I wish you luck. You may find a man that isn't interested. If it's meant to be, it'll happen.

 

[Dave-W]

My friend Mary at Mary J. Ministries-you can google her website has two books called "effective prayers for various situations" volumns 1 and 2-in Volume 2 on page 36 she discussed oral sex and how the Lord says it defiles us!

That is her opinion which has absolutely no basis in biblical theology.

So she is in essence saying "Thus saith the Lord..." when the Lord has NOT said that at all. The bible has no good thing to say about people who do that. That is the very thing Our Lord blasted the Pharisees for.

Whether or not you want to engage in OS is a decision you need to discuss with your future husband (BEFORE the wedding PLEASE!!!); and it is your (plural) decision. But realize that the Song of Solomon (if you bother to sift thru the poetic language and euphemistic imagery) describes the joy of OS in a few different passages. If God really condemned OS, that language (which is fairly clear to a native hebrew speaker) would not be in the bible.

In fact, if you were get engaged and had our congregational leader and his wife as your premarital counselors this would be a hang up. He gives a lengthy sex questionare to prospective husbands and wives which includes the question: "If your spouse asked you to perform oral sex, would you have any problem saying 'Yes?' " If you indicate a problem, they would go into great detail to find out why.

 

[Dave-W]

To steflou64: I find it somewhat odd that here; in a subforum dedicated to singles asking us old marrieds about the various aspects of married life; you ask no question but make a statement about what you are NOT GOING to do in marriage. In other words you will not give yourself COMPLETELY to your future spouse.

Are you asking a question; or are you here to say you are holier than those guys you talked to (and by implication many more of us here) who enjoy oral sex?

 

[Dave-W]

Modern secular society would suggest that for something like that to be "exciting and fulfilling", you need some special outfits, some "toys", some things in bottles that create sensations, maybe a special (overprieced) piece of "furniture"... and all these items are sold in a place that you must be ID'd to enter because of all the "naughty adult content"..

I posted a thread on the single's forum last year asking if they would go to one of such stores only to buy things that would enhance their marriage, and boy was it a controversial but exciting topic on there!

What do you, as experience married folks, think about it?
did God only intend you to do what you can do naturally or is it "ok" or "wrong" to add some man-made "spice" to it? (costumes, toys, flavored goodies...)

sorry for any lewd mental pictures I accidentally created just now

Interesting question. Since your singles thread is about 2 years old now, I would have to dig to find it. And I take it from more recent posts that you have married since you started this thread. CONGRATS!!!!

I do not see anything wrong with using a few "enhancements" as long as both spouses are 100% on board with it.

I guess the question would come to, if you were used to using said "toys" or "liquids" as a single for your own enjoyment and your spouse objects, would you be able to be satisfied going back to "natural?"

Oh - the other day I was in a CVS pharmacy to pick up some meds and saw those "liquids" and a couple of "toys" on the shelf there. So really there is little need to go to such shady places to get that sort of thing.

 

[steflou64]

Whatever other people do is their business-I am just saying I am not wanting to do it.

 

[Gigaquad]

Whatever other people do is their business-I am just saying I am not wanting to do it.

I understand. Hopefully once you find a soulmate you'll be willing to give to him regardless of your personal feelings. Sometimes it's not about you, it's about the one you're with and making them happy or making them feel loved on a deep level.

The good news (and it is good news) is that the favor is often returned


I just spoke with my wife about this and she said, "When I was young and didn't know what I was doing I used to say 'I'm never putting something in my mouth that someone just peed out of!' but after you're together with someone and you want to show them how deeply, completely in love with them you are you get over yourself, take a shower, and gobble a goober."

While I disagree with her blunt vernacular, I appreciate her sentiment. You don't have to do it every time, or even once a week. But once a month makes for a happy husband.

 

[steflou64]

I hope and pray the Lord leads me to a mate who feels the same way I do. I know there is someone out there for everyone!