The many different things we grieve....

[morethanenough06]

Thanks Colleen, for starting this thread; it was just what I was looking for. I have grieved many things in life, including the death of a spouse, so grief isn't new to me. Yet, somehow, when we grieve new things it seems we need to learn to do it all over again. Two months ago I found out my husband was having an emotional affair. I don't understand the need to grieve in this, but I am. Maybe I'm grieving what I thought we had, which to me was so good, so near perfect, and now I've found that he's been hiding this private side of his life; that things weren't at all as I thought they were. We are working things out and it is going well, but I can be fine one moment, and the next I feel this wave of sadness wash over me. Sometimes I feel so depressed I can hardly get out of bed. I just wish I could fast forward through this horrible stage and move on; yet I know that if I just pretend it away things won't get better. I have had so much grief in my life I'm angry that I'm in this place again. I'm finding it hard to move forward. And yet everything I've learned tells me I need to work through this and move ahead.

Thanks for letting me vent!!

 

[Colleen1]

Thanks Colleen, for starting this thread; it was just what I was looking for. I have grieved many things in life, including the death of a spouse, so grief isn't new to me. Yet, somehow, when we grieve new things it seems we need to learn to do it all over again. Two months ago I found out my husband was having an emotional affair. I don't understand the need to grieve in this, but I am. Maybe I'm grieving what I thought we had, which to me was so good, so near perfect, and now I've found that he's been hiding this private side of his life; that things weren't at all as I thought they were. We are working things out and it is going well, but I can be fine one moment, and the next I feel this wave of sadness wash over me. Sometimes I feel so depressed I can hardly get out of bed. I just wish I could fast forward through this horrible stage and move on; yet I know that if I just pretend it away things won't get better. I have had so much grief in my life I'm angry that I'm in this place again. I'm finding it hard to move forward. And yet everything I've learned tells me I need to work through this and move ahead.

Thanks for letting me vent!!

You're welcome. I can relate to so many things you have said. Betrayal of any kind is difficult to contend with. I do find some types of betrayal to be the worst to contend with. It is unfortunate we can't skip any of those icky stages of grief but now I know what to look for and how I tend to respond / what I need to heal when I grieve. I do find that for me, it can be a real mix of emotions. I think it's positive that you and your husband are both willing do do things in a healthy manner and try to heal. Do take care of yourself.

 

[footballmommy]

Funny - I have experienced a lot of grief this year. Haven't lost any loved ones per se but have lost many friends this year. Has been a lot to deal with and finding out that those that you thought were your friends no longer are...heartbreaking. But you pick yourself up and dust yourself off and you are changed by it but you do go on.

 

[morethanenough06]

Thanks Colleen!!

 

[Colleen1]

Thanks Colleen!!

You're very welcome. I'm glad you found this thread helpful. Be blessed.

 

[Colleen1]

Funny - I have experienced a lot of grief this year. Haven't lost any loved ones per se but have lost many friends this year. Has been a lot to deal with and finding out that those that you thought were your friends no longer are...heartbreaking. But you pick yourself up and dust yourself off and you are changed by it but you do go on.

Yes, I grieve this too. It isn't easy and it can be very heartbreaking. I hope you're able to rebuild that part of your life with healthy people that are good to have in your life. I know I need the same. It can be easier said than done though. Be blessed. I'm glad you posted here. Sorry for the delay in responding. I hope you stop by again.

 

[Colleen1]

Miley Cyrus - The Climb - Official Music Video (HQ) - YouTube

 

[Colleen1]

God be with us as we grieve.
Jann Arden - Hanging By A Thread - YouTube
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[Colleen1]

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[Colleen1]

I wanted to ask for prayer. I have a deadline to get the paper work done tomorrow and it is hard for me to be motivated to work on it because of the way it makes me feel every time I have to deal with certain issues that come with negative memories. I'm tired of injustice and at times it can seem hopeless despite the fact that I have seen God move mountains before but yet...I'm struggling. It feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and makes it very hard to move / breath / feel comfortable etc. As well, there has been something else in my life and I'm not sure what to make of certain things. Just when I think I've made sense of some and have some idea of how to proceed, something else happens and I'm at a complete loss. If you all wouldn't mind praying for me, I'd appreciate that.
Thanks.
Tracy Chapman - All That You Have Is Your Soul (with Lyrics / avec Lyriques) - YouTube

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[morethanenough06]

I'll be praying for you today Colleen.

 

[Colleen1]

I'll be praying for you today Colleen.

Thanks, I really appreciate your prayers and support.

 

[Colleen1]

Well, I'm making good head way. Things will get done on time and I may even be able to go out and get some fresh air and errands done. If so that would be wonderful. Thanks all.

 

[Colleen1]

God bless you one and all!

Thanks a bunch!

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[nota]

Thank you for raising this issue, Colleen, it takes a lot of guts!
Grief is mostly associated with having lost a loved one through death. And while that is a large part of it I can personally relate to, there are those other types of grief which tend to get overlooked, and which you perceptively point out.

As others here, I also grieve the loss of friends, many of them.
To some of them I was very close for decades, or so I thought. All without exception had one thing in common : they suddenly and without explanation disappeared from my life [refused to talk to me, answer phone messages, letters, emails......].
This left me wondering what horrible wrong I might have done them, and it allowed me no chance for reconciliation and making it right with them.
Yet, I cannot remember having treated them badly. It would actually be easier if I had than fighting a phantom whose specifics remain elusive to me.
The friends I still have, as well as family, I can no longer see because I can seldom drive anymore and they all live far away. The reverse is true for them - very few can afford the gas to travel with their rickety old cars, others don`t have cars.
The only connection left with them is an occasional phone call or email. I rarely see or talk with another human being anymore.

I was always accused of hating christians, even long before leaving organized church. Mostly because I don`t agree with the concept of christianity being synonomous with Angloamerican culture [and western European cultures by extension].
I have grieved for the church and christians all my life.
Still wish I could be part of some christian fellowship, but I cannot be WHO others require me to be and refuse to fake being someone I am not [did that in the past - it was not helpful!]. Being someone other than others demand me to be means I am not wanted, so I don`t stay around - it feels intrusive.

I am surrounded by Creator`s beauty where I live.
Yet, I have to watch the continual destruction of the land for profit by those in power.
I grieve for the land and it`s creatures.

I grieve for human beings` suffering, including those considered superior, those considered inferior and subhuman, and those who are my enemies.
I have never been able to detach emotionally from others` grief and suffering, no matter who they are and where they live......

Most of all, I grieve for the people of the land [indian peoples], the "invisibles".
Tragically, hate and cruelty are not only a thing of the past. It goes goes on and on....

I have been an eyewitness to incredible abuse and maltreatment of "inferior/subhuman" peoples. Could do nothing to prevent any of it.
The only help I could offer was to share in their suffering, which surprisingly [or maybe not] was graciously accepted in every case.

My only hope is the presence of Creator Jesus [the god who is there. Always. Never not there] and his return to his earth and it`s tortured inhabitants.
He will heal human beings and the earth.

I am SOOO longing for that day!

nota

 

[Colleen1]

Thank you for raising this issue, Colleen, it takes a lot of guts!
Grief is mostly associated with having lost a loved one through death. And while that is a large part of it I can personally relate to, there are those other types of grief which tend to get overlooked, and which you perceptively point out.

As others here, I also grieve the loss of friends, many of them.
To some of them I was very close for decades, or so I thought. All without exception had one thing in common : they suddenly and without explanation disappeared from my life [refused to talk to me, answer phone messages, letters, emails......].
This left me wondering what horrible wrong I might have done them, and it allowed me no chance for reconciliation and making it right with them.
Yet, I cannot remember having treated them badly. It would actually be easier if I had than fighting a phantom whose specifics remain elusive to me.

Yes, I think in order for any relationship to be healthy and lasting we need to be assertive, honest and have boundaries. When these things, among other things, are absent it's impossible to have any healthy relationship. I think the church needs to focus more time on teaching how to apply the great advice in the Bible and teach people how to be emotionally healthy. It's unfortunate this isn't focused on more.

The friends I still have, as well as family, I can no longer see because I can seldom drive anymore and they all live far away. The reverse is true for them - very few can afford the gas to travel with their rickety old cars, others don`t have cars.
The only connection left with them is an occasional phone call or email. I rarely see or talk with another human being anymore.

I was always accused of hating christians, even long before leaving organized church. Mostly because I don`t agree with the concept of christianity being synonomous with Angloamerican culture [and western European cultures by extension].
I have grieved for the church and christians all my life.
Still wish I could be part of some christian fellowship, but I cannot be WHO others require me to be and refuse to fake being someone I am not [did that in the past - it was not helpful!]. Being someone other than others demand me to be means I am not wanted, so I don`t stay around - it feels intrusive.

I am surrounded by Creator`s beauty where I live.
Yet, I have to watch the continual destruction of the land for profit by those in power.
I grieve for the land and it`s creatures.

I grieve for human beings` suffering, including those considered superior, those considered inferior and subhuman, and those who are my enemies.
I have never been able to detach emotionally from others` grief and suffering, no matter who they are and where they live......

Most of all, I grieve for the people of the land [indian peoples], the "invisibles".
Tragically, hate and cruelty are not only a thing of the past. It goes goes on and on....

I have been an eyewitness to incredible abuse and maltreatment of "inferior/subhuman" peoples. Could do nothing to prevent any of it.
The only help I could offer was to share in their suffering, which surprisingly [or maybe not] was graciously accepted in every case.

My only hope is the presence of Creator Jesus [the god who is there. Always. Never not there] and his return to his earth and it`s tortured inhabitants.
He will heal human beings and the earth.

I am SOOO longing for that day!

nota

Some times it can be difficult for others to see / understand our point of view but I believe we as individuals within a church should know how to 'agree to disagree' and still be respectful of one another. Regardless of how well we get along with others we will never fully agree. There will always be differences. There is so much more to grief that death and dying. I think Jesus and many others in the Bible have experienced / exemplify this.

 

[Colleen1]

Rod Stewart - Have You Ever Seen The Rain - YouTube