The laughter thread.

[Sword of the Lord]

 

[Colin]

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

 

[JackRT]

One day in the Garden of Eden Adam walked up to God and said “I'm lonely.” God said “I will make you a companion. You will never be lonely again. She will feed you fantastic meals, cater to your every desire, always obey you, care for you in every way and as a bonus she and you will make wild passionate love as often as you want.” Adam said “Sounds wonderful but I know that everything has a price. What will it cost me?” God said “It will cost you an arm and a leg.” Adam said “That's too expensive. Errr … ahhhh …. ummm … what can I get for a rib?”

 

[Sword of the Lord]

 

[WarriorAngel]

 

[WarriorAngel]

 

[WarriorAngel]

 

[brinny]

 

[WarriorAngel]

 

[WarriorAngel]

 

[WarriorAngel]

 

[Michie]

Buster Keaton!

 

[Colin]

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing.

With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks,

but

one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on .... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular , gorgeous .


St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?'

The guy says, 'I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."

 

[Anhelyna]

He's at it again

 

[Sword of the Lord]

 

[Sword of the Lord]

 

[Sword of the Lord]

 

[Sword of the Lord]

 

[Sword of the Lord]

 

[One Voice Among Many1]