The inner pain.

[berry2000]

As some of you know I have recently relapsed. But I am finding my way out of it and wanted to share a little bit of that journey. Seems like there is an immature (young) side of myself due to some childhood tramua I suffered. I began cutting when I was 21 and going through a bad relationship break up and severe depression (bipolar). That was how I started.

Now though my life is different and I still find myself turning to self harm sometimes. My new thought was to tell myself I am not allowed to tell anyone (i have a few safe people in real life) if I harm. The reason being that (immature/young side) is using it to say hey I'm still hurting and for communication. I feel sad, angry, abandoned etc.

I am trying to teach that young side to use words or other methods of communicating those feelings (drawing/poems). If I take away the ability to tell someone then perhaps she will be force to use another method to communicate her pain.

Does this make sense to anyone? Has anyone been where I am at? Does anyone think it is okay to tell myself not to tell others when I harm to try and curb it?

 

[ConcreteAngel]

Hi there...

Good on you! I'm 5th year psychology student, and know from that perspective that there are a lot of "inner-child" type therapies that encourage the client to do exactly what you have explained...though...one thing that i would stress is that you do have at least one person who knows what you are doing...but not just the self-harming, but also the way you're trying to deal with it...like all the inner-child stuff. As a self-harmer myself, i think anything is worth a go! Though, i'd do anything for something to hurt myself with right now.

So, i guess, i mainly wanted to say well done. You sound like you've really thought about the reasons behind your self-harm and that's great!

God bless CA

 

[cinnabunch]

Does having the rule of not telling cause that part of you to feel secretive? I wonder if it is helping you keep from self harm or just causing you to feel more guilt? I agree with Concrete Angel in having at least one safe person to share the struggle with.

Maybe having that one person as an accountability partner would be helpful as well.

cindy

 

[berry2000]

Though, i'd do anything for something to hurt myself with right now.

Concrete angel I am sorry I know exactly how that feels. AS far as my self harm is concerned there are a few special people who I have been sharing with so they do know about the struggle I just decided not to go parading over to them each time I harm as a way to tell them I'm hurting right at that moment. What I do want to do is go parading over to them and tell them I am hurting instead. Does that make sense?

Thanks for the encouragement it surely does help.

 

[ConcreteAngel]

Concrete angel I am sorry I know exactly how that feels. AS far as my self harm is concerned there are a few special people who I have been sharing with so they do know about the struggle I just decided not to go parading over to them each time I harm as a way to tell them I'm hurting right at that moment. What I do want to do is go parading over to them and tell them I am hurting instead. Does that make sense?

Thanks for the encouragement it surely does help.

yep, of course that makes sense! Again, good on for taking control.

luv CA

 

[berry2000]

hey guess what guys. I haven't cut since I wrote this post. I think it really made a huge difference. And not only have I not cut...but more importantly I haven't even WANTED to cut.

 

[berry2000]

I just wanted to update you all and tell you I haven't harmed in over 1 month and I know it is because of the inner child work I am doing. I am journaling and writing based on a book (non christian so if you look into it just know it's not christ based but it's not anti christian either it's just neutral) called Recovery of Your Inner Child. It has a whole mess of activites, drawing, writing creative stuff. My therapist and I are going to start working on it together.

 

[LazeyWinde]

I just wanted to update you all and tell you I haven't harmed in over 1 month and I know it is because of the inner child work I am doing. I am journaling and writing based on a book (non christian so if you look into it just know it's not christ based but it's not anti christian either it's just neutral) called Recovery of Your Inner Child. It has a whole mess of activites, drawing, writing creative stuff. My therapist and I are going to start working on it together.

That's great Berry.
Maybe I'll see if I can get that book through my library.

 

[restore]

sister, i totally understand........i have been there for long years, and doing a lot crazy things to hurt self, hate self, hate the world.....
but remeber, Jesus is crying for u, He loves u.

 

[pockleberry]

Hey well done on making a month and for doing what you are doing it sounds like a realy good thing...

 

[berry2000]

Thanks everyone for your replies. Crazy thing was last night the urge was so strong. I knew it was anxiety so I took some Xanax and I"m okay now. Weird how it just creaps in like that sometimes.

 

[Bamboo_Chicken]

Wow Hun - congrats on recognising the anxiety in time . I'll be sure to check that book out too when I get home!

 

[alilsa]

What is the difference in your inner child and children alters? My alters come out at times and want to repeat bad scenes from childhood or have bad flashbacks and want me to self injure. But they also want to get God's attention but SI and want to feel loved. Whats the difference in alters and inner child?

 

[berry2000]

Well it's similar for sure. But I think that the inner child and the adult are more connected than the alters. Meaning, I don't have to loose concioucouness with my adult self to "feel" my inner child. They are more connected. Where with the alters or multiples, it's my understanding that you cannot "be" both at the same time. Maybe the inner child stuff is just a milder form than the alters.

I am sorry to hear that your alters are so destructive. Sounds like they are really hurting, recalling the flashbacks and all. Do you have any alters that are happy cuz usually the is atleast one alter that is happy.