The hook up culture is ruining everything!

It is written

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. - James 1:2

Ps 37:4-5

Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you your heart's desires. Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust him, and he will help you.

AND HE WILL.

I would not even give a second thought to the nauseating things those girls are saying. Its pretty sad of course how their mentality is wired. If a young girl, or anyone believes or is wired to think casual sex is no big deal, then you would honestly feel sorry for them

Some are completely reliant on sex and how much they can hook up with guys and totally make themselves feel important and relevant by having sex and flirting up a storm with different guys.

They are extremely insecure and many of them don't know their true worth. Their worth to them is dependent on men, on how others make them feel and how much they can succumb to the vain, sinful and vapid lifestyle of the society that we are in.

You have something precious, hold unto it dearly as if you re holding unto your life. If there is one thing I could have wished I didnt do, its the lifestyle I led at those times. I cannot take it back, and I will not feel guilty of it for I am cleansed and washed clean by the blood of Jesus

But i will tell any young girl or guy to not conform to what society deems 'COOL' If you are called 'uncool', 'weird', and all sorts of names because of it, deal with it. Don't worry about it. You have a great reward for being who you are and conforming to God's standards.

The worldly standards is NOT God's standard. The enemy rules the earth, God rules in His kingdom and He rules over those who have accepted Him and have given Him total authority to rule over them. Dont please man, please God. Always strive to please Him.

It does not matter when bad people succeed or get away with the filth they create. Always look to God, don't join in because they got away with their sinful lifestyle.

Hold unto what you have and keep looking unto God. Keep reminding Him and keep focusing on Him. He never fails. He will bring you the right person at the right time. And when He does, you will be amazed.

Thats How GOD works. He amazes us, He surprised us and He does things that makes us go 'WOW. GOD IS AWESOME!!!!"

You seem as much confused by their logic (or lack thereof) as you are their actions. If you desire a bit more understanding, method to their madness so to speak, take a look at articles such as these, which I believe are where these ideas are coming from.

FornicationMistranslation

^ Wow, that would probably mean that including the Ten Commandments, every verse would be mistranslated and thus we need a new Bible.

Seriously, I don't buy it anymore. I think you should stop looking at articles that misrepresent the Bible wholly.


In any case, don't let the hook-up culture bother you, and don't let those worrisome thoughts be in your way. If that's not the way to go, you know that God can change it.

Trust in God and hope for the best, not in a man. When it's time, the bad things will wither and go.

You just need to find another dating scene for yourself. The hook up subculture isn't all there is out there. This means your dating pool will be significantly smaller, but that's a price you have to pay for finding someone with your values. Perhaps you might try a Christian on-line dating service? I have a friend who met her husband that way (granted she had around 25 blind dates).

This hook up thing is not the predominate subculture in my area when it comes to dating. It's been gaining in acceptance over the past few years, but most of us didn't find a spouse this way.

As a college student myself (I'm 29) I know exactly what you're up against. Men feel the same pressure (although the game part is true and we commend each other for achieving it). It's easy to tell where this whole way of thinking comes from when you come to a Christian site like this and people give you articles to read as a solution to your problem.

I'm not a virgin, but once you start, it just gets worse. You will find yourself torn apart between your two natures you have since you're a Christian, and you will have NO peace. What the devil is selling isn't real, although sure as a guy after a one night stand I feel pretty good but you have to keep it going...

Don't kid yourself, you're not the only one out there, our culture is under vicious attack, and it takes a lot more inner strength to hold against it than to give in.

Like most guys, I have no respect for skanks. You'll find as much discouraging advice here as anywhere else probably more, because you're looking for Christian support and instead you end up even more embattled.

One thing the devil will say is, why not, you can still get married, why not go for some 'test drives'. use a condom, explore your college years. Harmless, safe, fun, you're missing out, you'll get old soon. But it messes you up, it'll mess up your family life, mess up your kids and leave you prone to unfaithfulness...

just know you are NOT the only one out there fighting this one up hill.

hah, well lots of husbands are found by putting out on the first date. I am training to be an engineer so I try operate based on statistics. Statistics say that this society and culture is a complete failure at marriage. If you're looking for marriage, well this is a natural urge to you just like its natural for a man to want to hook up. Both can come in the wrong ways.

I'm not the most experienced though. I'm Christian and have my standards for wife material set higher than realistic. But you need to know that sex is an addiction. The most powerful addiction that there is.

not many girls hold back like you, your friends are skanks you need to get new ones.

I won't say to dump the worldly friends you have, but find good friends and allow yourself to be more strongly influenced by them... as a man I pick up on the type of girl you are about as quick as they decide whether or not to sleep with me (ten seconds). And it's not something I do a lot or ever try to do anymore.

And I'd be willing to date a girl without her putting out on the first date (as long as she wants), but I get the impression you aren't very experienced at dating?

AzureBlue said:

But that what bothers me, what if some bad abusive woman is messing with my future man right now? or the attitude that one will sin and still get away with it cause "god will forgive me" so i will go and land on a pe nis, it stinks !

According to the statistics not even christian people are waiting anymore, actually this is not what gets me but the fact they do whatever they do while pointing the fingers at those celibate in a mocking fashion....

It's fine if a little group despises you but when the whole world attacks you then you are really left alone, where are the other celibate and virgins at? how come you never find them?

Click to expand...

You dont have to worry about someone messing with your future man. That is extreme thoughts. I wouldn't focus on things like that. God will bring the RIGHT person to you at the right time. You just TRUST in Him, and allow Him in to be part of the process.

As said before, dont worry or even give thoughts to the nauseating things those girls/women do. The only person they are degrading is themselves. Believe it or not most of these people that you think 'get away' with their 'casual sex' lifestyles and all sorts of nauseating things, actually do regret it eventually. A lot of them face so many ridicule, shame and humiliation, even problems that only them or those close to them know about. Of course they wont tell you, but its not all rosy like you think. Many of them suffer the consequences.

How many teen pregnancy do you see these days? LOTS.
How many young women with different sexual infections of all sorts. LOTS. They dont say it.
How many young women have little kids without a father? LOTS
How many wish they could take back what they threw away?
LOTS (they dont say it)
How many actually have had to drop out of schools and get where they are meant to be but cant because they have unplanned pregnancy and their lives are all muddled up in mess etc? LOTS

I would ADVICE you to stick to who you are. It doesnt matter at all what they call you or if they mock you. Celibacy or whatever, you are holding unto your dignity and its something to cherish. Many are probably jealous that you are not as 'loose' and 'cheap' as they are, but they won't say it.

Ignore the mocking, or the pointing of fingers. If your finding it hard, pray to God to help you. You have to reach a stage in life where you actually know who you are, and you have an identity and you know that you know, nothing can ever take that away from you for that identity is 'Daughter of the KING - Most High GOD"

There are many people like you out there, lots of virgins lots of people who have never even had bfs or gfs even though they are in their 20's and 30's. Not everyone of them goes out to tell others that they are virgins is why you don't seem to see them out there. What you have, keep it to yourself, your dignity and pride, keep it to yourself.

Don't attempt to please man that you lose your identity. Pleasing man and forgetting who you are always results into catastrophes for man is not and can not be trusted. Man is vain and unreliable. Only God is worth trusting with all your heart. Those people who may be pushing you to let loose will be the same people who will mock you and call you names when you start putting out.

The best bet for you is to TRUST in God, and put Him first.
I have and I do, and He has never let me down once since I gave my life to Him.

AzureBlue said:

"once you start it only gets worse" I suppose this is the truth for many of my friends, you can see it all around still you are judged from all angels as most people can very hypocritical about relationships..

At my age they would tell me that im still young, to study and focus and myself, then 2 years later the same people come around asking :where's the husband you were supposed to have by now?

lol forget it, I actually love to be alone...but sometimes wonder if im going to feel the same in 5 years.

and the article posted does not explain the attitude of these people, they are not christian therefore they don't need a excuse, it puzzles that they manage to feel happy doing all these things but if I did I would be down for so long...

Click to expand...

Forget about those who are asking where s the husband your supposed to have? They dont matter at all. God's time is the best. Dont listen to those people. Take what they say as passing wind.

And your last paragraph sums it up, they are not christian so they know now what they are doing. Even morally its wrong. I know many non-christians that have morals and wouldnt sleep around. Those 'loose' girls just lack morals is all. They are wired differently and they need help to change their mentality.

They need to know there is more to life than immorality and basing their joy and hope in men.

I agree it is really sad but the whole you have to try people out sexually before you marry them is a very big thing today. People say they would be horrified if they married someone and found out they weren't sexually compatible it's disgusting. People don't talk or communicate what they like sexually anymore they just do it and if it doesn't work they move onto the next one. It is sin that has taken over the thoughts of not only our youth but even adults today adults have been divorced and are now dating do the same thing with the same mentality.

We live in a hook up, shake up, brake up world and it is making it very hard to hang on to any sense of family values or marriage values we once had. =[

Both my sisters held back, and they are both doing very well in the relationship departments now. Of course my one sister went to bible college to find one, but she did find one. The other one met hers at a pool club. My one sister around your age who met at bridal college won't be giving it up till marriage, i can tell you that. My other sister did give it up before marriage, but they waited months (so she told me) and marriage followed soon after... (i have mixed views on marriage itself)

my brother of course has no regard for these things, and is struggling pretty badly at times in his relationship with the girl he thinks he is going to marry.

krugerpark said:

And I'd be willing to date a girl without her putting out on the first date (as long as she wants), but I get the impression you aren't very experienced at dating?

Click to expand...

It seems to me that you are holding women to a higher standard than you hold yourself. Really though- calling women skanks? What are you, then? What they're doing is ultimately harmful to themselves physically and spiritually, but being horribly judgmental toward them isn't exactly Christian or classy. If I were young and unmarried, I wouldn't date you. I could figure out types of folks within ten seconds too. I was a virgin on my wedding night and so was my husband. It's possible to find and only date people who share your beliefs and values- and not have sex before marriage.

If anyone asked me if I wished I was still a virgin, I would say 100% yes.
Please cherish your virginity. I will tell anyone to.
Not that I regret whats happened but I know better to advice those who still have it to hold unto it till they are married.

It does please God too.

seashale76 said:

It seems to me that you are holding women to a higher standard than you hold yourself. Really though- calling women skanks? What are you, then? What they're doing is ultimately harmful to themselves physically and spiritually, but being horribly judgmental toward them isn't exactly Christian or classy. If I were young and unmarried, I wouldn't date you. I could figure out types of folks within ten seconds too. I was a virgin on my wedding night and so was my husband. It's possible to find and only date people who share your beliefs and values- and not have sex before marriage.

Click to expand...

Skanks are girls who have no self respect and encourage other girls also to have none. Skanks have low self esteem because they addicted to sex and in order to feel better about themselves they need to make sure the same thing is happening to their friends. In the end if you are a virgin and your friends are skanks (same with men) they can destroy you. A harlot leads a lifestyle of sin, as do I.

The difference would be that I try to encourage my friends that are still virgins to have wisdom. Losing my virginity was a mistake even though it was on purpose. Since these girls have no respect for themselves, I have no respect for them either.

Date, put out, marriage !
I put out on a first date – ended up married, 20 years next year , go figure !

Click to expand...

She states these things like they are somehow related. Of course, she doesn't explain how and even implies she's mystified that her promiscuity hasn't affected her marriage ("go figure"). It's very likely she has remained married in spite of being sexually easy, rather than because of it.

What a gross generalisation, “no man will date you if you put out on the first date”.. I’m at uni currently and am in a relationship and can tell you this is how a lot of relationships (loving, fulfilling relationships) start.

Click to expand...

The woman seems to be saying that many relationships begin with sexual promiscuity. So what? Many don't. Plenty of people get into great relationships without resorting to sex to make it happen. What does it say about a relationship if this is a necessary part of how it begins? Nothing good, that's for sure!

Personally, I don’t equate sex with intimacy. I find intimacy through other means. Sex is fun, good for reducing stress and a perfectly normal pass time for two consenting adults.

Click to expand...

Yeah, I'm sure if dogs could talk they'd say pretty much the same thing. It speaks volumes about a person when they reduce something that should be very intimate to a mere form of entertainment. I certainly wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who took such a low view of sex.

and this are all females who just randomly sleep with a dude and still end up married for long years?

Click to expand...

The two things aren't necessarily related. Being a sl ut doesn't by any means guarantee a healthy long-term marriage. In fact, statistics indicate just the reverse.

can somebody give some hope or words for women like me (im 25) virgin, who keeps waiting and waiting on the lord only to walk against a wall when I find these cases? why is this behavior rewarded?

Click to expand...

Rewarded? How do you come to this conclusion? As I said, it is very likely that it is in spite of their sexual sin that these women are married and remain so. Remember you have only their word that they have been married a long time - and that the marriage is truly a good one. God promises that when one sows sin, one will reap a harvest of destruction and death. These women aren't being rewarded for, nor will they get away with, their sin.

Why are good women and men being "punished" in way and seen as freaks of nature just because they haven't found a significant other yet?

Click to expand...

I didn't marry until I was 39. Never kissed a woman before I met and married my wife. I am awfully glad I waited! She is wonderful and well worth the wait!

It's like you can never win....most women are acting like enemies against each other, I can see it and men just take it all as a game. I can't take this anymore, please advise...

Click to expand...

Get your mind off these things and fill your thoughts instead with the things of God. You'll find your stress level about this stuff drops a lot.

Selah.

one of the things God did to me in order to distract me FROM women is give me a great career and full and rewarding life. These things can make you untouchable by peer pressure and totally turn your situation around. People will be looking up to you for advice and guidance instead of the other way around. Never did I imagine I would turn into a leadership figure for all the people who were my leaders in life. But follow where God is putting you and you will have a track record of success that will attract the right men.

can somebody give some hope or words for women like me (im 25) virgin, who keeps waiting and waiting on the lord only to walk against a wall when I find these cases? why is this behavior rewarded?

Click to expand...

God no doubt has someone for you. If you "steward" your body in a manner that pleases God, He will reward your faith. If you believe that He will meet your needs, then believe that right now, He has someone picked out for you, and both of you are being prepared. Take your preparation seriously. Start praying for this person. God can touch them right where they are. You can ready yourself like Esther and ask God to prepare you.

If you are a believer (even a believing one), pay no attention to what the world is doing because you are not of the world. Neither is the man God has for you. You live according to different rules and partake of a different inheritance and rewards.

Start exercising your faith by praying for this man and by preparing yourself. You want to be content first in whatever state you are in. You will not be reliant on the man, and God will be your first provider. Your man will enhance and fill the remaining spaces. Be content by faith and rise up in the spirit of prayer, boldly believing His is out there and treat everyday as a day to prepare.

Look not to the world as you walk in a different kingdom.

Is it possible to give it up on the first date and then stay together for decades? Yep.

Is it necessary? Nope.

At any rate, you are probably not looking for the same kind of man that those ladies are, so if you followed in their footsteps, you'd be in for some trouble.

What's missing from marriage "these days" (I don't believe in the "good old days") is not more virginity, it's more love and loyalty and forgiveness.