The Friend Zone

[memoriesbymichelle]

Personal and LOADED question . When I was younger (and not so Christian) I assumed (because that's how all the guys I dated were) that the natural progression in a relationship was sex. Now that I am older I can see that each time you have sex with someone (at least in my view) you give a piece of yourself to that person that you can never get back. You are connected so to speak. So also now that I am older, I don't want a sexual relationship outside of marriage. I am not opposed to cuddling and hugging and kissing, but IF I ever get married again, I don't want to have sex before marrying that person. AND I wish I had waited when I was younger. Sadly, I still feel "connected" to my first love, and I believe it is because of the sexual connection we had.
Also IMO, there aren't enough guys that are willing to wait, as you will find out by hanging around here some more. I'm not saying the guys here are bad, they just believe differently than me so.....there you have it.

 

[Lone Wolfe]

Personal and LOADED question . When I was younger (and not so Christian) I assumed (because that's how all the guys I dated were) that the natural progression in a relationship was sex. Now that I am older I can see that each time you have sex with someone (at least in my view) you give a piece of yourself to that person that you can never get back. You are connected so to speak. So also now that I am older, I don't want a sexual relationship outside of marriage. I am not opposed to cuddling and hugging and kissing, but IF I ever get married again, I don't want to have sex before marrying that person. AND I wish I had waited when I was younger. Sadly, I still feel "connected" to my first love, and I believe it is because of the sexual connection we had.
Also IMO, there aren't enough guys that are willing to wait, as you will find out by hanging around here some more. I'm not saying the guys here are bad, they just believe differently than me so.....there you have it.

Well, as Christians we all know it's wrong to have sex unless we are married and marriage is a serious institution not to be taken lightly so, I think men today are not willing to make that commitment just to have sex when there are so many women out there willing to have sex without being married or the promise of marriage. This makes it difficult for those who believe in marriage before sex!

So, what do you do if you fall for someone in a big way but they cannot get married? Do you lose that relationship because of this? Example: I'm on disability since heart attack #3 in 2005 and once I became a widower in 2006, if I re-marry I lose some of my benefits which I cannot afford by any means so, that means either I never have sex again because I can't marry for obvious reasons or I simply go without a partner for whatever time I have left on this ball of dirt!?

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Well, as Christians we all know it's wrong to have sex unless we are married and marriage is a serious institution not to be taken lightly so, I think men today are not willing to make that commitment just to have sex when there are so many women out there willing to have sex without being married or the promise of marriage. This makes it difficult for those who believe in marriage before sex!

So, what do you do if you fall for someone in a big way but they cannot get married? Do you lose that relationship because of this? Example: I'm on disability since heart attack #3 in 2005 and once I became a widower in 2006, if I re-marry I lose some of my benefits which I cannot afford by any means so, that means either I never have sex again because I can't marry for obvious reasons or I simply go without a partner for whatever time I have left on this ball of dirt!?

Yeah, IDK...I don't have the answer for that, and I have thought of it because for me...I am a widow, but am not 60, and I make too much money (ha ha) at this time, to receive benefits from my husband's SS except for what I get for my 14 year old. So I cannot get widows benefits until I am 60 but will lose those if I remarry before then. And I know of other older couples that just live together for the same reasons. So again...IDK what the answer is for that.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

What about your last relationship? You went with her for 2 years you said.

 

[OGM]

I can see that "3rd date rule" being problematic. Everyone is different, besides some people don't cuddle or kiss before marriage.

 

[exitstageright]

I can see that "3rd date rule" being problematic. Everyone is different, besides some people don't cuddle or kiss before marriage.

WOW! I have never heard of THAT before! You mean some people will not even kiss before they are married? That is sooo hard to believe.

To kiss someone,or to even have sex with someone for the first time can be very awkard. When the officiant tells the man,"You may now kiss the Bride." If he has never kissed her before in private,how do you think he would feel if he kissed her, for the first time, in front of people? They both would be very nervous as it is,kissing for the first time.They would make a spectacle of themselves on one of the most important days of her life.

Where I grew up,in the Black community,if a guy was a virgin at 18,he would be called a square.When I was a teenager,girls called me a square because I did not smoke,drink alcohol,or get high in any kind of way. When I was 19,if I told ANY girl that I would not kiss anyone until I got married,you talk about ROFL! I would have been laughed at so hard! It is very damaging to a young male's ego to have a woman laugh at him,even if they are christian girls.

 

[redblue22]

I generally don't build friendships with women, especially married ones. So, it is pretty easy to figure me out if I say anything about getting together. If she so much as says how I'm a great friend I just tell her straight that I'm not a friend and I don't want to be. Ironically, I'm a bit on the shy side. So I'm rather used to women advancing. She pushes the gas, and I hit the brakes. I figure if I hit the gas we'd be pregnant and married by next week. You gotta slow down baby. I think that is my way of protecting them as Christian girls.

Internet is new to me. Maybe here I can explore distant friendships with women. I don't know. I don't know what it is like to be friendzoned. And I don't think I've ever friendzoned anyone. It just isn't that way. I'll give you an example. A girl broke up with me at the library. The librarian interrupted us to tell us the library was closing. So I ask the cute librarian out right there. She says yes. There's no confusion there for anyone to end up friendzoned, my ex or my new girl.

But sometimes I just feel like it is high time to pick someone and get married. I don't know. I've been busy chasing other dreams most of my life.

As for games, I really think everyone plays them until they die. I no longer believe there are people "not playing games." When a girl says she isn't into games, I take it to mean she is really into games. And that's ok.

 

[power2theweak]

WOW! I have never heard of THAT before! You mean some people will not even kiss before they are married? That is sooo hard to believe.

I knew a guy who wanted to do that...wait until his wedding to kiss.

 

[exitstageright]

I knew a guy who wanted to do that...wait until his wedding to kiss.

The odds are 1000 to 1 that he is not from California,as I am.

 

[power2theweak]

The odds are 1000 to 1 that he is not from California,as I am.

LOL! No, he isn't, but I am! I was born and raised in Southern California. (Don't hate me...I think you are from northern CA, right?...northern CA always seemed to have something against us!) LOL!

 

[exitstageright]

LOL! No, he isn't, but I am! I was born and raised in Southern California. (Don't hate me...I think you are from northern CA, right?...northern CA always seemed to have something against us!) LOL!

Yes,I live in Northen California and I was born and reared in San Francico.I do not hate you,nor do I hate Southern California.

San Diego is one of my favorite cities to visit. In 34 days,LORD willing,I will be flying to San Diego to see the Giants play the Padres. The Omni Hotel,where I will be staying at,is right next to the Stadium.

Forty years ago,I was an 18 year old,flying for the first time to San Diego to go to Navy Boot Camp at NTC by Rosecrans Street. NTC (Naval Training Center) is no longer there.There are shopping centers and condos there now. Thomas Wolfe once said,"You can never go home again."
To a large extent,that is so true,as San Diego has changed a lot since I was stationed there in 1974-1975.

 

[OGM]

I knew a guy who wanted to do that...wait until his wedding to kiss.

I know of several couples myself. This maybe more common then I initially thought.

 

[Lone Wolfe]

What about your last relationship? You went with her for 2 years you said.

Yes, we went together for just over two years but, we did not live together as man & wife so I had no worries? It would be nice to one day get married again if I can find a woman who doesn't mind having an old broken down horse like me but, getting married can take away what little I have and then what???

Yes, there's lots of older couples living together today for that very reason however, is that not living in sin???

Now, I had a full blown pastor tell me once that if two people get married in the eyes of God but not by the laws of the land, then in God's eyes you are married and there is nothing to worry about? WOW! Isn't that living in sin and fraud at the same time??? LOL

 

[dayhiker]

Well, being married in the eyes of the state is a fairly new things. It was Martin Luther that 1st wanted the state to say who was married and who wasn't. Before that in western Europe it was the church and most of history is was the couples family of the couple that said they were married.

 

[power2theweak]

Yes,I live in Northen California and I was born and reared in San Francico.I do not hate you,nor do I hate Southern California.

San Diego is one of my favorite cities to visit. In 34 days,LORD willing,I will be flying to San Diego to see the Giants play the Padres. The Omni Hotel,where I will be staying at,is right next to the Stadium.

Forty years ago,I was an 18 year old,flying for the first time to San Diego to go to Navy Boot Camp at NTC by Rosecrans Street. NTC (Naval Training Center) is no longer there.There are shopping centers and condos there now. Thomas Wolfe once said,"You can never go home again."
To a large extent,that is so true,as San Diego has changed a lot since I was stationed there in 1974-1975.

Yes, I miss Southern CA soooo much (moved away 7 years ago), but, as you say, "you can never go home again." That's what I keep telling myself--I'm sure my home is very different now.

I remember going to the San Diego Zoo a few times; it is very nice!

Hope you have fun at the game!

 

[dayhiker]

I loved the San Diego Zoo in '71 ... I bet its even better now.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I loved the San Diego Zoo in '71 ... I bet its even better now.

Is that where you used to live dayhiker?

 

[dayhiker]

Yes, I had a cage right next to the orangutans! Now that you mention it, I wonder what every happened to arfihs. I can't find her on FB.

your bad Michelle .... lol

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I know I know, some days I just can't help myself LOL

 

[dayhiker]

ya,. its great to have some fun