The Ex

[Katty]

So here's the deal, my ex and I broke up in Dec... and it wasn't on bad terms or anything... it was mutual and for righteous reasons... but we've recently started talking again, but the thing is, he's changed and I'm finding myself attracted to the "new" him, but at the same time, I'm talking to other guys too on a friend basis and seeing where that leads. To top all that off, I'm in Colorado for school and the ex is in MN for school... he's been pressuring me to tell him whats going on and everything and I'm honest with him about getting to know other guys too... but its like, it bugs him. I'm just not sure, cause he's the sweetest guy and everything, but I don't think its fair that I ask him to wait until I'm ready to date seriously again and even then, it might not even be him... I've told him this but his reply is "You know I'd do anything for you." *sigh* I don't want to break his heart if in the end its not him I end up with, but I don't want to get back with him because what our break up was about... spiritual growth... I don't think I've come to the place where I should be and begin dating for the right reasons. And then there's the other guys where I didn't begin talking to them out of intentions to date, but feelings began and whatnot... so now... *groans* oyyyy... am I just evil or something??? eeeesh!!

~Katty~

P.S. Did this make sense at all???

 

[LifeInYou]

I followed ya...


BE HONEST with him and all the others at all times.

"Life is a mystery"....
My daddy always says this to me when I'm worrying about the future or anxious about various situations.

Focus on God in the present and at the designated time EMBRACE what has come...

 

[wvmtnkid]

My head is spinning, but I think I got the jest of what you were saying!! Don't let him pressure you into getting back together. If you aren't ready, you aren't ready. If you were ready to date him seriously again, you wouldn't be attracted to these other guys, so don't force something you don't feel. Now that isn't saying that those feelings won't change one day, all you owe him is honestly about that. But, that goes both ways. It isn't fair to make him wait, so don't be surprised or angry if he doesn't.

I am always amazed at the paths God has for us to take sometimes. Who knows, he might cross your path later on, possibly when you have both had some greater spiritual growth. Then again he might not. But rest assured, God has great plans for you. Just hang on and enjoy the ride!

 

[Stanfi]

I followed ya...


BE HONEST with him and all the others at all times.

I am going to echo what has been said here. Be Honest!! From a guys perspective, I will say that I feel that it is very important that you make it clear, to all of the guys that you are being friends with, exactly the type of relationship that you want to have with each of them. So many times we assume that the other person knows that "we will just be friends" when the other person does not.

I personally got burnt very bad by a situation like this. The girl I was talking to, and went out with some, had told me that she had some guy friends that she went out and did things with, but she never mentioned it like it was any big deal. She made me feel like she was interested in me, and possbily wanted a deeper relationship. Anyway to make a long story short, the next thing I know she is dating one of her "guy friends". Needless to say I never realized I was in a competition.

The truth of the matter is that these guys are talking to you because they are interested in you. If they continue talking to you, then they more than likely are interested in a deeper relationship. If you do decide to date one of them, then somebody is going to loose, and those hearts are going to be broken.

So, my advice is to be honest with each one of them. Be sensitive to, and respect their feelings, and be careful of everything that you say and do. Words are so powerful. If you can tell one of them is starting to have feelings for you, and you do not reciprocate those feelings. Then right then and there make it very clear as to how you feel. Don't drag it on for days and weeks, assuming it will go away.

I hope I've made sense..

 

[Stanfi]

I want to throw this in also. Many times ladies naturally have a very kind, loving caring personality. When they are communicating with a man, these personallity traits become evident, and are interpreted as showing "intrest". Granted, the lady really didn't do anything wrong, just being the kind person that God made her. However, the guy can think she is really intrested in him, when the girl is not. Make sense? The end result is a broken heart. Just another reason that I think that is important of what we say and do in these situations.

 

[desi]

If you liked him you would be with him. Let him go. He hasn't captured your attention. Also, people rarely change. He may be putting on an act to look good while you're apart.

 

[hotarugari]

I've told him this but his reply is "You know I'd do anything for you." *sigh* I don't want to break his heart if in the end its not him I end up with, but I don't want to get back with him because what our break up was about... spiritual growth...

If he'd do anything, then he'd be willing to let God (not him) work things out. The fact remains that if God has your marriage arranged that it will work out regardless of time, regardless of place. You don't have to worry about that.

However, since you still have college by the sound of it, you really need to keep your focus on school for the time being. Let Him know that God will bring you back to him if it's meant to be. Don't make that even sound like a guarantee, because before you belong to any guy - you belong to God.

In the same way, this guy - before he belongs to you - he belongs to God. So wouldn't it be a shame if you both cheated on God by putting each other first instead?

 

[hotknikkels]

I have a question: are you ready to date someone again? May I ask it slightly differently? Are you ready to get married? If the answer is no, leave this dating thing behind and concentrate on God's will for you life now, right now, what is He saying to you?

Now if you feel that you are ready to persue marriage, that is a whole new ball game!

Oh and I love this:

In the same way, this guy - before he belongs to you - he belongs to God. So wouldn't it be a shame if you both cheated on God by putting each other first instead?

 

[Katty]

Just to update you guys on this. We've talked about this and I've been completely honest with him about how things are and I think he's understanding. I've also become more honest with myself and I'm not ready to date. God'll provide for me and I know that wether, I'm meant to be with this guy or someone else, God'll do that. I won't. Thank you guys for the advice. God bless you.

~Katty~

 

[Mr.Cheese]

This is very common. The best you can do is to continue being honest. When you go off to school I think it is wise to open the door of possibility as you have done. I know that it hurts him to know that you're interested in other guys, but I promise you that this is better than if you were "with" him. That's where the big messes happen.
So I think you're doing the right thing. Someday he'll be able to look back and appreciate the way you're handling things. Keep up the good wirk.

 

[wvmtnkid]

Sounds like you are doing the right thing Katty! Just keep things honest between the two of you and don't rush or push something you aren't really feeling ready for.

You're doing good!