The Encouraging Testament Thread

[DoubtingThomas29]

I had some suicidal thoughts today, and I think that is not good, and if that were to happen a lot then I would end up needing to go to the hospital, and probably go on disability really.

I feel like saying why my life is worth living inspite of my problems. We are all going to have problems we are all human. I guess today I had a moment of self pity and I care to talk about it. It would cost a hundred dollars to say this to a psycho therapist, hey got to love the internet.

I am in good physical health, even though I am throwing up my food now, I think it is from the lithium I take. I see my doctor tomorrow so I hope I can find a solution to that problem. I may hate my life right now, or at least find it unpleasent because I seem to spend more than my $700 a month that I make. Although that is true, probably after four or five weeks I'll be able to make more money and pay back my $1100 of credit card debt. Unfortunately my debt will probably go to fifteen hundered by August 20, just because I am spending more than I make right now.

I find it hard to make a living as a math teacher now, and am surprised at how hard it is to keep teaching math. I have basically have had to rule out the public schools, because the poor kids are really hard to teach, they don't respect the teacher, and I wonder if poor kids are really learning math now a days anyways, and there is nothing I can do for them, because they don't respect the teacher.

Inspite of all these problems life is still worth living, because it can get better, and I intend to make it better, that is what keeps me going. I am sure my meds make it possible to remain sane and non-suicidal too, but I have to believe that things will get better. I am not substitute teaching anymore and that is a step in the right direction so that is another positive note.

Feel free to share why you feel your life is worth living what keeps you going, I am sure positive stimulation is a big part of it too, like just doing fun stuff, but what keeps you going. What convinces you life is worth living?

 

[Soulwings]

Oops, sorry I didn't respond to this thread sooner.

What makes me realize that life is worth living? Well, to be honest, that's something that I still struggle with. But my fiancé, Jarrod, is the one that really makes me feel that I have something to live for.

I know that I should find in God enough reasons to live, but it's so hard... especially with an ED and SI issues weighing me down. Excuses, excuses, right? but I am working on seeing that He is my all. Slowly.

J really helps me understand that there is more to life than my illness(es). He makes me laugh when I am in a slump, and he - along with the rest of my treatment team - reminds me that I have a future to live for. I want to be a therapist eventually, work either on a college campus or at an ED facility, so I am majoring in psychology, counseling track, and am minoring in nutrition. It's hard to keep an eye on my future without worrying about it (I am a worrybug!) but it's something that I guess I've got to learn how to do.

Admittedly, the future scares me. But... I am coming to terms with the fact that life = change, for better or for worse, and that God, J, and my family and friends will be there for me whenever things get too tough for me to handle on my own.

If I think of anything else of importance I will post again. Good thread, Doubting.

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

Hey Soul wings That is great you have a supportive financee, good for you. Also you want to be a therapist for the mentally ill, hey I think because you have a mental illness that would help you as a therapist, because you have been there with the illness, so you have abetter feel for where the people are coming from.

Well I hope we will get more replies on encouraging testaments to what keeps people going, what tells them they are not done yet.

 

[Alaskamomma]

Right now I am pretty level, but in times past the things that have kept me going are the young, precious lives of my three children. Any times I have thought of doing something bad I imagine in my mind the expressions of their faces as their father tries his best to explain to them what I have done. Seeing their faces in my mind keeps me in check.

Then I have quiet moments where I look back on my life and I can see the Hand of God in my life at various times when I _know_ He was there for me and did not leave nor forsake me. I try my best to hold on to those thoughts.

Several years ago I heard a sermon about being able to "see the good in all things." If we think on the negative, that is all that we will see. But if try to see the good in all things, we can find it. Sometimes it takes a while. Sometimes we need others to help point it out for us. But it is there.

My Lord, my family and always trying to see the good... this is my lifeline.

 

[Jeshu]

You know I've been through a really hard twelve years. Depression is the pits and I haven't been able to shake it for more than a decade. I have tried everything even the best of medications haven't got me away from it. Especially manic depression I hate, as psychotically dealing with depression is impossible, so no escape at all is possible - and hellish agony has been my fate more than once as a result.

Luckily for me I have a real deep passion for God's kingdom, though at one time I saw this outside of myself exclusively, now I know that depression and many biblical concepts run almost perfectly parallel together. God wants to dwell within - mad or not - He wanted to be my God. Salvation became my need and desire and it has sure paid off, I got rid of my strictly religious views and found new life in loving faith seeking truth. Life is much better this way - even when depressed - God in His loving grace stays at my side and teaches me to take charge and cope - wonderful skills I've never had before but now assist me on the way.

Sure life has become much easier, especially after my ECT sessions and the reduction in my evil voices and visions. Madness doesn't threaten like it did before as now combined medications and therapy keep me on a more or less level path and this working together with my faith in God has greatly enriched my life on a daily basis.

The best advise to keep on top of your illness - seek God - Loving Truth. The take care for yourself, nurture yourself and resist unloving feelings and thoughts, though forgive yourself if you fail, never stop doing all this and also love others as you love yourself. For love - in truth - will protect you through very difficult times and best of all ensure your ultimate survival.

Love you all.

(Oh Thomas I do hope and pray that you will be okay. It is so difficult for me to understand how you can keep up with the tension of having to provide for yourself when you are so ill. I understand that it is good to work when all is well - but depression is not being well - surely? And now with the depression going on. I truly feel for you and pray you will receive the strenght to keep going.)

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

Hello Everone thank you for your positive testaments towards living, it is important to remember there is good in the world, it can be hard to find at times, but there are students who want to learn and respect their teacher. Sadly, it is usually because they are just made that way to be respectful, boy I run into students who are not respectful, and there will always be students, who give a teacher a hard time. That is the draw back of teaching you can run into someone who is a pain, and try to get you fired usually.

To Jeshu, it isn't that bad really, because I live with my parents, I can't even pay rent really, I only make $700 a month, and by the time I buy gas, help my mom with the car payment, and pay fifty dollars to my credit card that remaining four hundred fifty dollars translates to $15/day. So far I have been pretty good at not spending more than I make and it looks like I'll probably go from making $700 a month to $2000 a month when I get more classes and do more tutoring.

Right now it feels like I am on a vacation, I am in contact with the students for eight hours a week, that is for two hour intervals with twenty minutes worth of breaks each time. This quarter I am getting along with all my students, that is a rare treat. I only have to teach Monday and Wednesday and get this, I grade ten to fifteen times faster than I did two years ago. I can grade 240 problems in about two o three hours, that is even with recording the grades, it use to take me thirty hours to grade 225 problems. I cannot for the life of me even begin to understand, how did I get so fast, all the other teachers were going that fast, what took me so long? Sometimes it took me longer than a week to grade a test, the only thing I can think of, I must have been really looking at the work, and not the answer. I kept trying to justify all these partial credit points for problems, where as now if it is wrong, it is just wrong, leave a few points and move on. I grade at light speed now, that is great trust me.


Well hopefully we can get some more positive encouragement. Thanks for sharing.

 

[4Everloved]

Thomas, I think you are amazing. Surely, you have a great gift for teaching. Like Jeshu, I admire your independent spirit. Sure, you live with your parents, but you are helping with expenses! You are carrying your own bills except for housing. Not everyone can do that. I am not capable of working right now.

God is blessing you,;you are growing despite your growing pains, and starting this thread was an excellent step in leadership and encouragement.

Soulwings,you are more special than you will ever behold. You will do great things. It's not hard to see you as a counselor.

Alaska Momma, you are a great positive influence of love amid all these bipolar threads and you are an example of spiritual maturity.

Jeshu, what can I say?! You rock, man. Your creativity, your depth, and your way of expressing yourself so that others can understand. Peace and grace onward always!

Me...I have the gift of encouragement, if only I would learn to encourage myself. I also have the gift of prophecy; God gives me dreams and visions sometimes and I can see glimpses of the future, although far, few, and in-between. But barely anyone believes what I'm talking about because I'm such a nut case. I mean, not as nutty as John the Baptist or anything, but I am really, really different from others around me, especially Christians. I am not run-of-the-mill, and I have a special place in my heart for the needy and the hurting of heart.

I'm also very tired--Tired of apathy in the church about the lost and the hurting. I cannot understand why others refuse to see the pain of others so close by! There are people all over this town who have no transportation and are truly trying to work, but have reputations or past mistakes standing in their way. You know, sometimes people really do want to change! People need the Lord! Not just the churchy people who have been in church and studying the bible all of their life!

See how passionate and angry I become. I wish my passion would do some good and make real changes in this community as people draw together with Christian love and willing hands and hearts. I do believe that my bipolar makes me more caring and compassionate about those who are "different"...because I'm different too. Being odd hurts sometimes, but a part of me likes being not-so-ordinary. Ordinary is a little boring, don't you think?

Growth comes through pain. We are all growing.

God puts people in my path almost daily who are low on food, low on hope, and have no transportation. I get calls on my cell phone and if at all possible, I go and do what I can, which is often very little. If they do not know Jesus, and no one lives Jesus out in front of them, then how will they know? We are the bible that some people have never read. People who have been cast aside and are calloused cannot feel the love of God anywhere around them and are not inclined to open a bible or come inside a church building. When will the church care? How will we reach the lost? Can we not at least try? Not everyone will chose Christ, but it is wrong to keep salvation to ourselves and be all smug toward others who do not know Jesus as their Saviour. Why do church members only want to do "outreach" to those who live on their own street, work in their workplaces, people that are similar to them and in their own social strata. I mean, there is nothing wrong with that, but why rule out the rest of the population. Jesus died for everyone.

I've been poor, as a child, and most assuredly, as an adult. My daughter and I were homeless. I've been abused in a long-term past marriage. I've lived in a shelter. I've lived in the projects. As a child/teenager I grew up in a home where I was unnoticed and un-nurtured for a majority of the time. And I praise God for all these things! I would not take any of these events back even if I had the ability to do so. I have learned and grown.

 

[DoubtingThomas29]

4everloved,

I got to admit you area trooper, you take a licking and keep on ticking. Thanks for your support, you know there is a song by the byrds it is titled
"For your love." Your screen namemakes me think of that song which is a good one that is for sure.

Right now I have the flu it is longer than twenty four hours, and I can't eat too much that is for sure. Hopefully I'll be better by Monday when I have to teach.

 

[Jeshu]

...I'm also very tired--Tired of apathy in the church about the lost and the hurting. I cannot understand why others refuse to see the pain of others so close by! There are people all over this town who have no transportation and are truly trying to work, but have reputations or past mistakes standing in their way. You know, sometimes people really do want to change! People need the Lord! Not just the church people who have been in church and studying the bible all of their life!

See how passionate and angry I become. I wish my passion would do some good and make real changes in this community as people draw together with Christian love and willing hands and hearts. I do believe that my bipolar makes me more caring and compassionate about those who are "different"...because I'm different too. Being odd hurts sometimes, but a part of me likes being not-so-ordinary. Ordinary is a little boring, don't you think?

Growth comes through pain. We are all growing.

God puts people in my path almost daily who are low on food, low on hope, and have no transportation. I get calls on my cell phone and if at all possible, I go and do what I can, which is often very little. If they do not know Jesus, and no one lives Jesus out in front of them, then how will they know? We are the bible that some people have never read. People who have been cast aside and are calloused cannot feel the love of God anywhere around them and are not inclined to open a bible or come inside a church building. When will the church care? How will we reach the lost? Can we not at least try? Not everyone will chose Christ, but it is wrong to keep salvation to ourselves and be all smug toward others who do not know Jesus as their Saviour. Why do church members only want to do "outreach" to those who live on their own street, work in their workplaces, people that are similar to them and in their own social strata. I mean, there is nothing wrong with that, but why rule out the rest of the population. Jesus died for everyone.

I've been poor, as a child, and most assuredly, as an adult. My daughter and I were homeless. I've been abused in a long-term past marriage. I've lived in a shelter. I've lived in the projects. As a child/teenager I grew up in a home where I was unnoticed and un-nurtured for a majority of the time. And I praise God for all these things! I would not take any of these events back even if I had the ability to do so. I have learned and grown.

Thank you so much for sharing this about yourself. As a youth-worker I've known people like you before and greatly admire the strength of being you kind of people have gained out on the streets. Indeed I can hear you are greatly blessed with insight and have retained compassion - you display such beautiful colours - they speak victory - I love to see this - as Jesus signature is right over your life - your will is always to praise Him!

I have also major problems with Church - in principle I love God's Church - any place where Christ is preached as The Son of God, our Saviour, One in Trinity of Being with God The Father and God The Spirit - but the presence of evil is crushing in my current Church. Don't get me wrong, I love Churches, in particularly when they honour God's Word, but I like to see all this done in the Spirit of Love. Instead I see evil spirits everywhere - unrepentantly disturbing peaceful worship. Dominating spirits such as those who promote and control egocentricness, traditionalists, legalists, pride, gossiping, money lovers, hypocrisy, lording over, hardened and icy hearts, killers of love and good and conservatism as protection against fear for change, for example. The 'I know it all' and 'I don't care about anything' as well as the 'lets be nice and sentimental' - spirits also like to visit a lot.

As you can see, I'm weak, for I haven't been to Church for many years, I cower when I come near it, but long to be restored and find life instead of dead bones. So dramatic.. I know.. I hope and pray I will grow stronger still, so I can go back and take my place among them all for I know I also belong there. It is the place where they taught me about good and evil - but also the place where I met God at first. I know it is a place where sinners meet and a loving forgiving God dwells this makes it a good place really.

Anyway great have this yarn with you. God bless.

Gerry