The divorced parents effect?

[chris414]

Hey guys... I've often heard that people (specifically girls) of divorced parents struggle in long term relationships. What is your experience of this, either as having dated a woman whose parents are divorced or as the daughter of divorced parents yourself? Is there anything i can do to help her?

Thanks

 

[Leanna]

My parents are divorced.... I've been married longer than they were already

 

[ClausJohn]

My parents are divorced, yet my first relationship lasted 4 1/2 years, and only one other didn't work out in a short amount of time...so if it had any effect, at least i don't noticed it.

 

[Blank123]

it always depends on the person. Someone who has been that affected by divorce could be doomed to follow in their parents mistakes if they haven't figured out the hurtful patterns they may be copying from what they witnessed in their parents marriage - and if thats the case with your girlfriend i would just gently bring it up to her and help hold her accountable to that because she probably wouldn't be aware of it otherwise.

but on the other hand i have seen how divorce can actually strengthen one's resolve and understanding of what it means to commit. They have seen what their parents have gone through and they know how that affects the kids involved and just do not want to follow down that same path so they work harder on their relationships. Contrast that with people raised in traditional homes where divorce has never been an issue and yet they treat relationships as nothing special and think nothing of throwing them away if they have to go through rough times or if they think they have found someone better. It always just depends on the person.

 

[Weasel7711]

I think it is a "more prone to" issue than an omen of cursed relationships. Most people, whether they know it or not, learn most of their information about how to have a relationship from their parents. The rest is from outside sources and personal experience which plays more of a part later on when experience grows. Thus those that have better family situations have an advantage off the bat because they have a good example to learn from. But that doesn't mean one cannot have a great relationship, it just means you may have to work on a few more issues. Here's an analogy. Say you want to be a golfer. Some people are trained by Tiger Woods, others are trained by Bob's Discount Golf Lessons shack where he drinks all day and sucks at golf. Both people can become great golfers, however the one trained by Woods has the advantage because of the better training and example.

 

[Sunburst]

I've seen it in a few of my girl friends but also guy friends. Maybe it's fear from going through the similar things that ruin relationships that scare them. My boyfriends parents divoriced but then got remarried. (!) I know.weird huh?

 

[DanC922]

My parents are divorced, but I'm firmly against divorce and I take my lessons on marriage from the Bible and look at my parents' marriage for lessons on how to avoid problems.