The angel needs support *t*

[shazabella]

Hey everyone,

with the year I've had, now being 11 months since the start of an abusive relationship and just over 10 month since i was assaulted and the disintergration of that relationship, its left me battered and bruised emotionally as well as having a chronic medical condition which flairs up because of stress and a history of family violence.

I had an exam today and i know i really screwed up my uni exam marks and I've really struggled , how the h*ll i even got to the point of doing the exam is beyond me, just everything has snowballed and I've been a total mess even going to the doctors last night because of panic attacks to get some medication to help me cope in the exam which really didn't help much. I was sick in the exam and got to the point where i couldn't do it.

a friend of mine suggested i apply for special consideration on compassionate grounds ... the question is how much do i tell and what is appropriate to say ? Do i say i was assaulted in Feb ( when it happened) and it has affected me a, b, and c ? or what ? do i need to get letters from my counsellors ? Has anyone else had to apply for this kind of stuff ? I want to keep it at a need to know basis but enough to get the consideration.I had the option of not doing the exam today because i was sick but i chose to push myself and be a normal uni student and do the exam at the set time.

I'm totally confused and i guess it just brings to the surface the fact that it is still affecting me ... and i don't want to apply for special consideration for this because it makes it more real , can someone actually make sense of my ramblings ? but i need someone to give me a break because I'm just so stuffed, I'm so sick of being so strong all the time

.

Sorry for cluttering the forum

- Shaz

 

[BelindaP]

I'm not sure how things work in Australia. In the U.S. we don't usually have to take entrance examinations to get into the University. We take standardized tests that can be done over again if they don't go well the first time.

One possibility would be that you could go and request to take the exam over, explaining that you were ill the day of the exam. Again, I don't know how the university system works in Australia, so I don't know if you need documentation of illness or not.

 

[lilygrace]

Shaz I lecture at a Uni and can answer this pretty well for you.

Big hugs, by the way, and you aren't cluttering up the forum. I've been lurking long enough to know this lot love you, hun.

Way it works at the South Aussie uni's (I've worked at all three) is that when you need compassionate grounds you go to the student counselling service and tell them the details (and they don't ask more than they need to know either, so perhaps take them a letter from your counsellor as well). Then they send a form to your course coordinators saying "this person needs an extension of x days due to compassionate reasons". And the coordinator gives the extension. That way your lecturers don't know your business.

It's all on a needs to know basis. The counsellors will only ask as much as they need to work out what arrangements to make for you. Some people blurt out every detail before they realise that, but take your cues from them a bit.

Course students who are happy for the lecturer to know the details, (mostly in my experience this is where there's been a death in the family) or who don't know/can't be bothered going to the counselling service first, just tell their lecturer, and can get the extension from them in the usual way - but that is where the documentary support is needed.

So if you already have a letter from a counsellor, you could go straight to the lecturer, or go to the counselling service at the Uni and they can deal with everyone who needs to be dealt with at once and on your behalf to save you the hassle. If you will need any other special considerations due to health etc, it's the same process. It can all be set up at the start of the year for ongoing stuff, too. I have had a few students with PTSD, and we get a letter at the start of the semester saying "ongoing health issues, may need to leave or skip classes unexpectedly, will need this taken into account for their participation mark" etc. That way whatever is going on doesn't wreck your grade, as long as you are up to learning the material.

I totally encourage you to do this. Your lecturers won't argue with the counselling service, they can't. The system is set up so that people who are in crisis are not disadvantaged in their study. It's not just for people who are sick. And the counselling service can negotiate alternative assessment arrangements too, if more time would not help. there are a range of things that can be done.

The lecturers, if they're like the ones I work with, always prefer to know as little as possible too. And good ones won't make assumptions about what each student's issues are.

I realise applying for consideration does make it more real. I have always shied away from it myself. I triggered my way through an exam at uni, and got a credit for it instead of what may well have been a distinction. It was fear and shame had me keeping quiet then, (I'd not told anyone or gone for counselling or anything) and I've regretted it since. But the fact of the matter is, you *are* at a disadvantage compared to the other students, and it's totally fair enough that the playing field be levelled so that you can do your best. THAT is gonna help your recovery way faster than battling through and blaming yourself for struggling will.

The fact that you find it hard proves that it should not have happened to you, it wasn't right and you deserve better. That's all that shows. If it was right and normal for you to have been treated so badly, it wouldn't hurt. In the same way, it is not normal to just be able to get over it. I know it's hard to have that in your face, but having your uni marks suffer as well just adds insult to injury; and that's damage that you can prevent and take action about. It may also be one area of life that stays as normal and unaffected by your trauma as possible, if you can make arrangements. Those are side benefits, too.

PM me if you like Shaz. happy to talk more. Anything for the aussies at exam time.

Lilygrace

 

[shazabella]

Shaz I lecture at a Uni and can answer this pretty well for you.

Big hugs, by the way, and you aren't cluttering up the forum. I've been lurking long enough to know this lot love you, hun.

Way it works at the South Aussie uni's (I've worked at all three) is that when you need compassionate grounds you go to the student counselling service and tell them the details (and they don't ask more than they need to know either, so perhaps take them a letter from your counsellor as well). Then they send a form to your course coordinators saying "this person needs an extension of x days due to compassionate reasons". And the coordinator gives the extension. That way your lecturers don't know your business.

It's all on a needs to know basis. The counsellors will only ask as much as they need to work out what arrangements to make for you. Some people blurt out every detail before they realise that, but take your cues from them a bit.

Course students who are happy for the lecturer to know the details, (mostly in my experience this is where there's been a death in the family) or who don't know/can't be bothered going to the counselling service first, just tell their lecturer, and can get the extension from them in the usual way - but that is where the documentary support is needed.

So if you already have a letter from a counsellor, you could go straight to the lecturer, or go to the counselling service at the Uni and they can deal with everyone who needs to be dealt with at once and on your behalf to save you the hassle. If you will need any other special considerations due to health etc, it's the same process. It can all be set up at the start of the year for ongoing stuff, too. I have had a few students with PTSD, and we get a letter at the start of the semester saying "ongoing health issues, may need to leave or skip classes unexpectedly, will need this taken into account for their participation mark" etc. That way whatever is going on doesn't wreck your grade, as long as you are up to learning the material.

I totally encourage you to do this. Your lecturers won't argue with the counselling service, they can't. The system is set up so that people who are in crisis are not disadvantaged in their study. It's not just for people who are sick. And the counselling service can negotiate alternative assessment arrangements too, if more time would not help. there are a range of things that can be done.

The lecturers, if they're like the ones I work with, always prefer to know as little as possible too. And good ones won't make assumptions about what each student's issues are.

I realise applying for consideration does make it more real. I have always shied away from it myself. I triggered my way through an exam at uni, and got a credit for it instead of what may well have been a distinction. It was fear and shame had me keeping quiet then, (I'd not told anyone or gone for counselling or anything) and I've regretted it since. But the fact of the matter is, you *are* at a disadvantage compared to the other students, and it's totally fair enough that the playing field be levelled so that you can do your best. THAT is gonna help your recovery way faster than battling through and blaming yourself for struggling will.

The fact that you find it hard proves that it should not have happened to you, it wasn't right and you deserve better. That's all that shows. If it was right and normal for you to have been treated so badly, it wouldn't hurt. In the same way, it is not normal to just be able to get over it. I know it's hard to have that in your face, but having your uni marks suffer as well just adds insult to injury; and that's damage that you can prevent and take action about. It may also be one area of life that stays as normal and unaffected by your trauma as possible, if you can make arrangements. Those are side benefits, too.

PM me if you like Shaz. happy to talk more. Anything for the aussies at exam time.

Lilygrace

Hey Lily,

thanks for that - i spoke to the Uni coordinator ( i study via distance education) and was able to withdraw from the unit and the other unit i will do a supplementary piece to appeal my final grade

- Shaz

 

[ConcreteAngel]

Hi Shaz....just PM'd you something that may or may not be helpful.

Hang in there....and you're not cluttering up the forum!

With Love
ConcreteAngel

 

[shazabella]

Hi Shaz....just PM'd you something that may or may not be helpful.

Hang in there....and you're not cluttering up the forum!

With Love
ConcreteAngel

Hey CA , thanks for the PM it will help me with the application to get the $ for the course back

- Shaz

 

[ConcreteAngel]

Glad to help anytime!!! And yeah, you need to get the $'s back...it all adds up and isn't cheap!

Hope things start looking up for you...hang in there!

CA