The 2017 Christmas Cracker Joke Thread

A man decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. For his first chapter he decided to write about American churches. So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to New York City, thinking that he would work his way across the country. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call". The man, being intrigued, asked a minister who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The minister replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The man thanked the minister and went along his way. He then traveled to Washington DC, Philadelphia, Boston, and Chicago. In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it. In North Dakota he saw a sign for Canada and decided to see if Canadians had the same phone. He arrived in Regina Saskatchewan and again, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "10 cents per call." The man was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign. "Father, I've traveled all over America and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in every state the price was $10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?" The priest smiled and answered, "You're in Canada now son, it's a local call".

How did Scrooge score? The ghost of Christmas passed

What has four legs and an arm? A happy police dog