Thanks to you.

[DawnMarie]

I'm shocked to say that you've brought tears of relief to my eyes for a moment. Must be composed in front of my little one, though. Big hugs go out to you. I finally feel like someone's hand took mine...I've been holding it out for such a long time. The Lord has finally shown me the way to open hearts.

As for handing over the bills...I've tried. Let them go on until the shut-off notices came. He won't pay them. He said he'll just move. He said yesterday that if he does that, there's no reason to keep me. That was a shocker. He said, "I fixed the roof, I go to work... if I pay the bills...what are you here for?" I must say that shocked me, too. I wasn't very nice in reply. I said, "I'll bet you're probably raising your own children, keeping your own house, buying your own groceries, cooking your own meals, washing your own clothes, cutting your own grass, doing your own taxes, painting your own house, balancing the checkbook...well, geeze...I must be rich, too. So THIS is living large? Huh." I just don't like him sometimes. Usually he's just negligent and absent...not offensive beyond belief. I wonder why I think I'm doing everything, and he thinks he's doing everything. Hey! And I fixed half of the roof. Humph. Sometimes I think he has no idea what it's like to live with a 4 year old attached to your hip. Let alone all the other stuff along with that.

I know he needs to find the Lord. If he were a Christian, I wouldn't be expected to do everything but go to work. Right now that sounds like the easiest. The neighbors tease me for cutting the grass, and painting the house (in good weather) while my husband watches TV or goes to his friends to play video games. And some stuff I just can't do...like getting up on a ladder when Nikki is outside. What if I fell? I can't leave her responsible for "taking care of me" in an emergency. I'm supposed to take care of her.

Sorry...I'm ranting. Please pray that I'm supported. I want emotional and financial support while I raise my baby. I've worked all my life, and I've never been this poor until I put the responsibility into some else's hands. Raising my baby is my priority...knowing they won't take my baby's house away is very important, too. I'm desperately wanting to feel supported and unafraid.

You fellow Christians are helping by leaps and bounds. Please remember me and Nikki.

I'm sending you all LOVE and prayers. Thank you.

PS: Nikki is having dreams that sea turtles are attacking her and I was right there and didn't help. I told her that would NEVER happen. I'd fight a grizzly bear if I had to--to keep her safe. I'm afraid my doing taxes, and fixing houses, and doing dishes and cooking, etc. is making her feel neglected. Please pray for my little angel, too.

Sorry we're such a mess.

 

[Toney]

Dawn Marie, We are still praying for you. It is not for me to say, but I wonder if your husband becoming a Christian would make any difference. He may have other problems. You are the victim of abuse and I would strongly suggest professional help. The Lord will bring the answers. Keep praying. If Nikki saw Finding Nemo, she also may need emotional escape.

 

[DawnMarie]

Ha, ha, ha! Nikki DID see Finding Nemo! Okay...that's not funny. Bad mommy. I thought it might be Animal Planet. (The turtles were very helpful in Finding Nemo.)

Maybe I don't see the abuse as well because I certainly can dish out my share of opinions...occasionally in a harsh and abrasive tone. Although, like i said that WAS shocking to hear from him. He usually at least apologizes for his overly-rude behavior. I took him to two different couselors. They were both intimidated by him. It was a total waste of money that we don't have. He doesn't swear in from of our child, he plays with her...he tells me he's an "overgrown child" and uses that to no end as an explanation for his lack of backbone. Sigh. I don't know. He doesn't cheat. He doesn't hurt anyone. He's quite upset about life in general...having an ex-wife with two children who take a huge sum of money, and she spends it on the bar-life and cigarettes herself while her mother raises his children. (How did I get here?)

I just don't know. Maybe I DID ask for my lot in life. I knew he was divorced. I had no idea that his ex would abuse him like she does (lies about her income to take everything from us.) We're just in a big, ugly mess. We're all fet up with the situation. It's a wonder we're still married. It's a wonder I have a beautiful, extremely intelligent, loving, exuberant child. (I just looked at her and smiled, and she said, "I love snuggling with my mama." She's such a blessing. I often wonder why God would bless me with such a beautiful, little soul.)

My husband was extremely supportive and loving until we had a child. Now that I give all of my time and attention to her, and I expect him to pay the bills (along with his ex's) he's becoming quite bitter. Though he does love his child. He's good at being a playmate, but not a great role model. Nikki goes to school in a year, and I'll be easing his burden then by working. I think this is one of those marriages that you've had to be here from the beginning to know that there is still hope. Underneath the painful disapointment and frustration, there is love and faithfulness. Although we're lacking respect these days.

Lord, this mess is too big for me. I give it all to You. Please help me go on. Please send Your will to our family and world. Please heal the wounds, and prepare a path. Please pull my husband to You, and don't let him go. He's good heart...lazy in his ways. Please help, Father.

 

[CindyAnn]

praying!

 

[devoted daughter]

Still praying ...Keep the faith, and God bless

 

[CindyAnn]

praying too!

 

[tonya]

dawn marie...you sound like such a wonderful person...i feel you sister...i know a lot about where you are coming from...praying for you

 

[Solidfaith]

I am praying for you and your family.

 

[Cat59]

Keeping on with the prayers for you, Dawn Marie


Cat

 

[CindyAnn]

still praying!

 

[Broken Thorn]

 

[devoted daughter]

Still praying

 

[devoted daughter]