I was a Pastor's daughter. I was a wandering sheep returning to the Lord and moving away again. I think that must be easy for a Pastor's kid, or any kid to do who has a family that is strong in the church. You start to take the church and The Lord for granted.
At age 21 I became pregnant without being married. My father wrote a whole article about it in the church newsletter. He commended me for not having an abortion, but prayed that I would decide to give up the baby for adoption. I didn't, and eventually married my daughter's father.
However, my relationship with my father became very strained. He never spent a lot of time with his family. The church came first. That's difficult to understand when you are a kid-- when you think the world (and the church) should revolve around your life!
I watched my mother-- the perfect Pastor's wife-- pass away from cancer. I took her death so hard. Heaven was a difficult place for me to imagine. I didn't want her there, I wanted her with me!
My family and I moved away from my father. We barely saw him, and he embarassed me and I was ashamed of him. He became an alcoholic after my mom died. He became forgetful to the point where he would forget who he was marrying in the middle of a ceremony! He would fall all of the time in front of people. He completely changed. He was so self centered and his ego was huge. Being a pastor really made him feel priviledged and special-- he was above all other people in his mind. Of course, these are forgiveable things but they seemed so horrible to me at the time.
He soon dated a woman and got engaged to her after 2 weeks. He never told us it was for love. This woman had a horrible reputation, and she's lived up to it. She's done some horrible things to my family and to my siblings, and people at our church. She strained relations further with my father. I could never be alone with my father anymore. He had a stroke, and the isolation of him continued. She would take him out of the house if she knew I was coming for a visit.
My family and I moved back to the area where my father lived. We would try and visit, and the relationship was still very strained. I was angry at God for "doing" all of this. I was angry at my father for creating such a horrible situation where we couldn't even talk freely in front of each other.
He started to die. His wife tried to keep us away from him on a big surgury day. She yelled and threw a fit before a doctor could tell us if my dad had lived or died. She did so many inhuman things, that I can't list them all.
He was in a nursing home for awhile. One night I walked in there, and he was completely transformed from the day before. He was lying in bed. He couldn't communicate save for a few words. He was in and out of it.
Amazingly, his wife wasn't there for once to monopolize and control every thing that was happening. The Lord was with us that night! I got to be there with my dad by himself! I sang some of his favorite hymns. I told him it was okay to leave. I asked him if he was going to see my mom in heaven, and he said yes. He was in more pain than I've ever seen anyone. I knew these signs, but I didn't think he would die until the end of the week.
I left in confidence that I would see him again. On my drive home I prayed harder than I've every prayed. I felt the Holy Spirit fill me up. I had been dreading the death of my father because of his wife. What would she do to us without my dad to somewhat get a grip of her? I prayed in that car for peace. I prayed for his wife, and I prayed that my dad would be taken to heaven.
I can't describe the feeling I had. It was heavenly. I KNEW everything would be allright. I knew God was there taking care of things. I had perfect peace.
I got home, and started telling my 7 year old the glory of God's love. Then I got a phone call that my dad passed away.
It's been a difficult time. Things have not gone well with my dad's wife. However, I've grown so much closer to God. I actually have a relationship with him!! I pray and read the Bible every day! I've become so involved in the church because I feel God's wonderful and awesome presence whenever I walk into that church.
There's still so much to deal with, but I testify that God has brought unrest in my life to bring me his salvation, and his peace. He has taught me to rely on him in times of trouble, and to really really give everything to God to take care of. I have no control-- he does. These were all phrases I heard growing up in a Pastor's home-- but phrases I did not understand until now.
I now KNOW that my parents are in heaven, and that thought alone gives me so much joy and peace. I can envision what it may be like for them. I am happy for them. I know God will take care of us down here.
At age 21 I became pregnant without being married. My father wrote a whole article about it in the church newsletter. He commended me for not having an abortion, but prayed that I would decide to give up the baby for adoption. I didn't, and eventually married my daughter's father.
However, my relationship with my father became very strained. He never spent a lot of time with his family. The church came first. That's difficult to understand when you are a kid-- when you think the world (and the church) should revolve around your life!
I watched my mother-- the perfect Pastor's wife-- pass away from cancer. I took her death so hard. Heaven was a difficult place for me to imagine. I didn't want her there, I wanted her with me!
My family and I moved away from my father. We barely saw him, and he embarassed me and I was ashamed of him. He became an alcoholic after my mom died. He became forgetful to the point where he would forget who he was marrying in the middle of a ceremony! He would fall all of the time in front of people. He completely changed. He was so self centered and his ego was huge. Being a pastor really made him feel priviledged and special-- he was above all other people in his mind. Of course, these are forgiveable things but they seemed so horrible to me at the time.
He soon dated a woman and got engaged to her after 2 weeks. He never told us it was for love. This woman had a horrible reputation, and she's lived up to it. She's done some horrible things to my family and to my siblings, and people at our church. She strained relations further with my father. I could never be alone with my father anymore. He had a stroke, and the isolation of him continued. She would take him out of the house if she knew I was coming for a visit.
My family and I moved back to the area where my father lived. We would try and visit, and the relationship was still very strained. I was angry at God for "doing" all of this. I was angry at my father for creating such a horrible situation where we couldn't even talk freely in front of each other.
He started to die. His wife tried to keep us away from him on a big surgury day. She yelled and threw a fit before a doctor could tell us if my dad had lived or died. She did so many inhuman things, that I can't list them all.
He was in a nursing home for awhile. One night I walked in there, and he was completely transformed from the day before. He was lying in bed. He couldn't communicate save for a few words. He was in and out of it.
Amazingly, his wife wasn't there for once to monopolize and control every thing that was happening. The Lord was with us that night! I got to be there with my dad by himself! I sang some of his favorite hymns. I told him it was okay to leave. I asked him if he was going to see my mom in heaven, and he said yes. He was in more pain than I've ever seen anyone. I knew these signs, but I didn't think he would die until the end of the week.
I left in confidence that I would see him again. On my drive home I prayed harder than I've every prayed. I felt the Holy Spirit fill me up. I had been dreading the death of my father because of his wife. What would she do to us without my dad to somewhat get a grip of her? I prayed in that car for peace. I prayed for his wife, and I prayed that my dad would be taken to heaven.
I can't describe the feeling I had. It was heavenly. I KNEW everything would be allright. I knew God was there taking care of things. I had perfect peace.
I got home, and started telling my 7 year old the glory of God's love. Then I got a phone call that my dad passed away.
It's been a difficult time. Things have not gone well with my dad's wife. However, I've grown so much closer to God. I actually have a relationship with him!! I pray and read the Bible every day! I've become so involved in the church because I feel God's wonderful and awesome presence whenever I walk into that church.
There's still so much to deal with, but I testify that God has brought unrest in my life to bring me his salvation, and his peace. He has taught me to rely on him in times of trouble, and to really really give everything to God to take care of. I have no control-- he does. These were all phrases I heard growing up in a Pastor's home-- but phrases I did not understand until now.
I now KNOW that my parents are in heaven, and that thought alone gives me so much joy and peace. I can envision what it may be like for them. I am happy for them. I know God will take care of us down here.
