My testimony
I haven't made a testimony before or at least other than with my closest friends, but I was thinking, "hmm. Christian forums what a good place to tell it!"
So since I was little, I have known about Christ but didn't understand or believe what I was taught. At 5 years old, I can remember being tucked in, and after praying the whole "now I lay me down to sleep" prayer, praying to God to show me he was present by turning on a lamp or moving a stuffed animal. Of course nothing happened. It was kind of like a game most of the time, but there were times when God would show his love to me and I would recognize the love that came from Him.
Three summers later when I was 8 years old, I went to a Christian Bible Camp. I didn't know anyone there, it turned out my sister and myself were the only ones who were new to the camp, but I was so comfortable because God was all the company I needed. It was the first time I felt at peace and had a week to concentrate on God only. There was one really fantastic moment that summer, when I was trying to fish. I tried for about an hour and didnt catch anything, while other people all had already caught one or two each. I prayed a little prayer of "God, please let me catch a fish". Just as I said that, a fish caught the line. (In all honesty, the fish ended up making me scream and I dropped the fishing rod into the water, hehe) God's love filled that camp, it was beautiful. I remember sitting on this huge rock, staring out at the lake, just sitting in God's company.
I was miserable when camp ended and I had to go back home, where it felt like God was absent. My house was not a good house to grow up in all the time, my dad was very depressed and blamed a lot of the physical and emotional abuse he put us all through on the meds he was taking. I was completely neglected by my mother for years (who I now have a good relationship with) and wouldn't see her for days on end. This was partially my fault as I myself was a kind of a brat, but nonetheless everyday after school I would come home and just sit alone in my room downstairs. I think I ended up getting depressed, and learned very quickly to pretend to be happy. My thoughts were, 'who wants to be friends with someone who is sad?' Not to sound overly sappy, but on the inside I was so mad at my father, and still have some bitterness towards him, for the way he treated us.
Starting at age 12, I wanted to grow up and be as accepted as possible, so I started doing the normal "rebellious kid" things - stealing, smoking, getting drunk, et cetera. It worked, and I found a group of older friends who I thought were just like me. As time went on and my circle of friends kept on changing, and I got to the point of being 16, using and selling drugs, just being completely screwed up. I thought that these friends "got" me, I thought they understood where I was coming from and as long as I didn't bring up the fact that I *might* believe in God, everything would be fine. This whole time though, I knew God was watching. I HATED the fact that he was watching. (side note: okay I am reading this over and it sounds a lot like everyone else's testimony, the rebel turned Christian thing. Oh well!)
My parents found out at lot of the things I was doing, and their punishment to me was to make me go to a Christian concert the place turned out to be full of people my age (what a nice punishment, hey?)
I remember first of all watching all of these people dancing and praying, and was so angry that God was making sense to them and filling them with this joy. Why couldn't I have that? I ended up storming out of the place and felt like I was about to hit the nearest Christian because it seemed like God loved them so much more. It was like in the midst of all this happiness and joy, that there was this chronic dark cloud overtop of me.
This pure anger and resentment towards God continued for a few weeks, and I felt like the sadness was going to tear out my heart. It was awful; I would stay at home for days and not want to get out of bed. My mom took me to this contemporary church one morning (completely against my will) and soon afterwards I met this girl named Christie. She is a Christian and at the time, it felt like when I looked at her, God looked back. Sounds crazy! She was so full of what I wanted to feel, I couldn't even be around her without starting to cry. One evening she prayed with me and after about ten minutes of that awful sadness feeling like it was at its absolute worst, Christie said something to the likes of, "God, you have forgiven Laura and call her your own, help her forgive herself). From that second, I remember that the turmoil inside stopped immediately. Time HONESTLY seemed to stop, and I can remember feeling this incredible peace. As ridiculous as it sounds, before she said those words it felt like I was physically being tugged in all directions and that my head wouldn't stop spinning. As soon as she had said those things, it felt like the tugging stopped and I just sort of rested. You know that feeling when you wake up and have a good stretch, feeling completely relaxed? It was THAT!
The questioning God stopped, the fear of judgment stopped, everything just stopped and God's love was all that filled my thoughts. I don't even know how to describe it, and I know I sound like such a cornball but that moment changed my life. That resting feeling kept on going for a few days, and after that it was like God had put me under his protection for awhile. I felt like I was falling in love, he was all that I thought about and I would stay up late into the night just thinking of him and crying since there seemed no other way to let out all of the love he was letting me feel.
To go from that point on and tell of all the things God has done is impossible to write down. To sum everything up, I myself as a person have not changed dramatically but I have this awesome influence in my life, which is teaching me the way that I should live. The big, notable "unchristian" things I have stopped doing and struggle with becoming a person who shows love to all others and et cetera. God's influence in my life has always been there, but I chose to ignore it and so quickly I was almost destroyed by the things I chose to do. Thankfully, he finally showed me His kind face. He doesn't look at us in anger when we choose to sin, but with sadness and love, just like a father who watches his child hurt himself. Hokey Dina, this was long! Thanks for reading! Long testimony, yikes.
I haven't made a testimony before or at least other than with my closest friends, but I was thinking, "hmm. Christian forums what a good place to tell it!"
So since I was little, I have known about Christ but didn't understand or believe what I was taught. At 5 years old, I can remember being tucked in, and after praying the whole "now I lay me down to sleep" prayer, praying to God to show me he was present by turning on a lamp or moving a stuffed animal. Of course nothing happened. It was kind of like a game most of the time, but there were times when God would show his love to me and I would recognize the love that came from Him.
Three summers later when I was 8 years old, I went to a Christian Bible Camp. I didn't know anyone there, it turned out my sister and myself were the only ones who were new to the camp, but I was so comfortable because God was all the company I needed. It was the first time I felt at peace and had a week to concentrate on God only. There was one really fantastic moment that summer, when I was trying to fish. I tried for about an hour and didnt catch anything, while other people all had already caught one or two each. I prayed a little prayer of "God, please let me catch a fish". Just as I said that, a fish caught the line. (In all honesty, the fish ended up making me scream and I dropped the fishing rod into the water, hehe) God's love filled that camp, it was beautiful. I remember sitting on this huge rock, staring out at the lake, just sitting in God's company.
I was miserable when camp ended and I had to go back home, where it felt like God was absent. My house was not a good house to grow up in all the time, my dad was very depressed and blamed a lot of the physical and emotional abuse he put us all through on the meds he was taking. I was completely neglected by my mother for years (who I now have a good relationship with) and wouldn't see her for days on end. This was partially my fault as I myself was a kind of a brat, but nonetheless everyday after school I would come home and just sit alone in my room downstairs. I think I ended up getting depressed, and learned very quickly to pretend to be happy. My thoughts were, 'who wants to be friends with someone who is sad?' Not to sound overly sappy, but on the inside I was so mad at my father, and still have some bitterness towards him, for the way he treated us.
Starting at age 12, I wanted to grow up and be as accepted as possible, so I started doing the normal "rebellious kid" things - stealing, smoking, getting drunk, et cetera. It worked, and I found a group of older friends who I thought were just like me. As time went on and my circle of friends kept on changing, and I got to the point of being 16, using and selling drugs, just being completely screwed up. I thought that these friends "got" me, I thought they understood where I was coming from and as long as I didn't bring up the fact that I *might* believe in God, everything would be fine. This whole time though, I knew God was watching. I HATED the fact that he was watching. (side note: okay I am reading this over and it sounds a lot like everyone else's testimony, the rebel turned Christian thing. Oh well!)
My parents found out at lot of the things I was doing, and their punishment to me was to make me go to a Christian concert the place turned out to be full of people my age (what a nice punishment, hey?)
I remember first of all watching all of these people dancing and praying, and was so angry that God was making sense to them and filling them with this joy. Why couldn't I have that? I ended up storming out of the place and felt like I was about to hit the nearest Christian because it seemed like God loved them so much more. It was like in the midst of all this happiness and joy, that there was this chronic dark cloud overtop of me.
This pure anger and resentment towards God continued for a few weeks, and I felt like the sadness was going to tear out my heart. It was awful; I would stay at home for days and not want to get out of bed. My mom took me to this contemporary church one morning (completely against my will) and soon afterwards I met this girl named Christie. She is a Christian and at the time, it felt like when I looked at her, God looked back. Sounds crazy! She was so full of what I wanted to feel, I couldn't even be around her without starting to cry. One evening she prayed with me and after about ten minutes of that awful sadness feeling like it was at its absolute worst, Christie said something to the likes of, "God, you have forgiven Laura and call her your own, help her forgive herself). From that second, I remember that the turmoil inside stopped immediately. Time HONESTLY seemed to stop, and I can remember feeling this incredible peace. As ridiculous as it sounds, before she said those words it felt like I was physically being tugged in all directions and that my head wouldn't stop spinning. As soon as she had said those things, it felt like the tugging stopped and I just sort of rested. You know that feeling when you wake up and have a good stretch, feeling completely relaxed? It was THAT!
The questioning God stopped, the fear of judgment stopped, everything just stopped and God's love was all that filled my thoughts. I don't even know how to describe it, and I know I sound like such a cornball but that moment changed my life. That resting feeling kept on going for a few days, and after that it was like God had put me under his protection for awhile. I felt like I was falling in love, he was all that I thought about and I would stay up late into the night just thinking of him and crying since there seemed no other way to let out all of the love he was letting me feel.
To go from that point on and tell of all the things God has done is impossible to write down. To sum everything up, I myself as a person have not changed dramatically but I have this awesome influence in my life, which is teaching me the way that I should live. The big, notable "unchristian" things I have stopped doing and struggle with becoming a person who shows love to all others and et cetera. God's influence in my life has always been there, but I chose to ignore it and so quickly I was almost destroyed by the things I chose to do. Thankfully, he finally showed me His kind face. He doesn't look at us in anger when we choose to sin, but with sadness and love, just like a father who watches his child hurt himself. Hokey Dina, this was long! Thanks for reading! Long testimony, yikes.
...that was realy great...heheeh i wish i had some sorta big influence frm God...but anyway glory to the Lord! and Merry -early- Christmas! teeheee
