Temptation of Slacking at Work

ellelit · Feb 20, 2018

Hello, I am having a lot of trouble with work, and find it very hard to put in "an honest day's work." I work in Information Management for the Government in Canada, and I am happy that I am employed. I worked VERY hard to get to where I am career-wise, although this is not the career I intended, and am not interested in it in the slightest. I am not afraid of hard work, as evidenced by the fact that I spent 10 years in university and worked a job the whole time I was there, on top of my studies.

My trouble is that I NEED this job, at this income ($88,500), to pay off my student loan (was at $100,000, now down to $35,000). I have zero personal debt, no mortgage, no car (I rent and take the bus.) I also have severe health issues which result in $7000 worth of medication every 6 weeks (IV Remicade for severe Ulcerative Pancolitis). So, I need my government job, need my salary and need the benefits for medical reasons (and the pension for my future...)

But this job is making me crazy. I went to school to become an archivist. A cultural and anthropological archivist. 2/3 of the way through school, the Prime Minister at the time cut federal funding for archives, meaning that I would be lucky to get a job making half my current salary if I went to work in an archives. The salary used to be high 70's. Now it's done mostly by volunteers and auxiliary staff. I was supposed to be working with historically significant paper records, Daguerreotype photographs, old first nations garmets, beads, feathers, regalia, etc. Now I write bureaucratic policy for how to manage electronic records. It's not fulfilling, and working in the public sector is soul-sucking in a whole other different way. There is no motivation to work. There is no motivation to try. I can work my butt off, get all of my deliverables done, manage projects like a boss...or I can work at 1/10th speed, meet my deadlines, give a half-hearted effort, and no one knows the difference. I feel like my work has no value.

Over the last 6 years, I have also dealt with bullying in the workplace (when I was a very hard worker, I was lambasted by others because I made them look bad) to such an extent that I was severely depressed. I still suffer with depression, but the reason is mainly because I feel trapped, I know I do not put in my full effort at work, and have no motivation to do any other work in Government. I just don't care. I spend half my day staring off into space. No one notices. Where is the incentive to try?

I know this is a long post, and going back to the bible, I can't help but think that everyday I come to work I'm sinning, because I lie about the work I'm doing, I'm succumbing to temptation by getting away with it, and have little remorse about being deceitful.

I don't know what to do. I feel so ashamed, but feel powerless to change my attitude or my circumstances.

thecolorsblend · Feb 20, 2018

This may not be what you want to hear but there are no easy answers sometimes. Our dissatisfaction is rarely helped by knowing that others would love to have our problems.

My personal tendency is to play the long game. I try planning ways out of unpleasant situations far ahead of time. It's totally possible that you might be able to find more fulfilling work elsewhere. Maybe in the public sector, maybe not. Frankly, I've always thought that the public sector is where only the unspeakably incompetent or the immeasurably stable and sane can hope to prosper. Maybe there will be something in the private sector for you.

Not sure how things work in your country but I'd hazard a guess that if you can document and prove bullying/harassment, woe will be the perpetrator's only companion. Maybe you could look into filing some type of complaint?

Either way, hope things get better for you.

ellelit · Feb 20, 2018

thecolorsblend said:
This may not be what you want to hear but there are no easy answers sometimes. Our dissatisfaction is rarely helped by knowing that others would love to have our problems.

My personal tendency is to play the long game. I try planning ways out of unpleasant situations far ahead of time. It's totally possible that you might be able to find more fulfilling work elsewhere. Maybe in the public sector, maybe not. Frankly, I've always thought that the public sector is where only the unspeakably incompetent or the immeasurably stable and sane can hope to prosper. Maybe there will be something in the private sector for you.

Not sure how things work in your country but I'd hazard a guess that if you can document and prove bullying/harassment, woe will be the perpetrator's only companion. Maybe you could look into filing some type of complaint?

Either way, hope things get better for you.

I knew the Hoff would have the answer!

But seriously, thanks! I know I have it so much better than most. I have complained about the bully, but it ended up making it worse. It's a case of he said/she said.

Even the complaining or the guilt of being ungrateful for what I have is very tough.

Danoh · Feb 20, 2018

ellelit said:
Hello, I am having a lot of trouble with work, and find it very hard to put in "an honest day's work." I work in Information Management for the Government in Canada, and I am happy that I am employed. I worked VERY hard to get to where I am career-wise, although this is not the career I intended, and am not interested in it in the slightest. I am not afraid of hard work, as evidenced by the fact that I spent 10 years in university and worked a job the whole time I was there, on top of my studies.

My trouble is that I NEED this job, at this income ($88,500), to pay off my student loan (was at $100,000, now down to $35,000). I have zero personal debt, no mortgage, no car (I rent and take the bus.) I also have severe health issues which result in $7000 worth of medication every 6 weeks (IV Remicade for severe Ulcerative Pancolitis). So, I need my government job, need my salary and need the benefits for medical reasons (and the pension for my future...)

But this job is making me crazy. I went to school to become an archivist. A cultural and anthropological archivist. 2/3 of the way through school, the Prime Minister at the time cut federal funding for archives, meaning that I would be lucky to get a job making half my current salary if I went to work in an archives. The salary used to be high 70's. Now it's done mostly by volunteers and auxiliary staff. I was supposed to be working with historically significant paper records, Daguerreotype photographs, old first nations garmets, beads, feathers, regalia, etc. Now I write bureaucratic policy for how to manage electronic records. It's not fulfilling, and working in the public sector is soul-sucking in a whole other different way. There is no motivation to work. There is no motivation to try. I can work my butt off, get all of my deliverables done, manage projects like a boss...or I can work at 1/10th speed, meet my deadlines, give a half-hearted effort, and no one knows the difference. I feel like my work has no value.

Over the last 6 years, I have also dealt with bullying in the workplace (when I was a very hard worker, I was lambasted by others because I made them look bad) to such an extent that I was severely depressed. I still suffer with depression, but the reason is mainly because I feel trapped, I know I do not put in my full effort at work, and have no motivation to do any other work in Government. I just don't care. I spend half my day staring off into space. No one notices. Where is the incentive to try?

I know this is a long post, and going back to the bible, I can't help but think that everyday I come to work I'm sinning, because I lie about the work I'm doing, I'm succumbing to temptation by getting away with it, and have little remorse about being deceitful.

I don't know what to do. I feel so ashamed, but feel powerless to change my attitude or my circumstances.

Your issues with your job may be valid.

In which case you will have to find a way to solve for them.

At the same time, or in the meantime...

I found myself in a situation like yours once.

Reflecting on it one day, it dawned on me I could turn it into an opportunity to obey the following - unto and "in remembrance of Him."

Ephesians 4:28 Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth.

In other words, I transformed my motivation, and by that my behaviour, by renewing my mind through, and in light of that passage, to that of a focus on a labour I could easily be motivated by.

In other words...

1 Corinthians 15:58 Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.

And your labour won't be in vain if you'll do it for a spiritual reason, say, like that one mentioned in Eph. 4:28.

In other words, as unto Him.

Do that...

Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

That is your inner stability.

For your outward, consider what a friend of mine did years ago - she found a new job, and a new place, in a new city - all of it online.

You have all that right there in that smartphone in the palm of your hand.

Eph. 4:16

In remembrance of Rom. 5: 6-8 - in each our stead.

Willing-heart · Feb 20, 2018

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters. Since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” - Colossians 3:23-24

Please remind yourself of those verses and let it be your motivation. Work is a privilege and a blessing. I will advise you to seek God in prayer and be honest with Him. Perhaps also start looking for a new position that might be of interest to you. God bless

Aino · Feb 22, 2018

Well it sounds very unpleasant for you to say the least. It's not a shame to quit your job.I know a lot of people in my country who've been very dissatisfied with their jobs for the public sector and quit, or at least thought of quitting. It's never been an easy choice but proven to be for the better in the long run; then they've been able to find something they can also be satisfied with now as well as earning their own income. How long would it take you to finish paying your studying loan in the job you have? Maybe if you need the bigger salary as long, then try paying it as fast as possible now so it will also be gone a bit faster. Then you'll be free sooner to downgrade into a job that pays less but is otherwise more suitable for you.

Eian · Feb 22, 2018

Colossians 3:23

Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people

Heart2Soul · Feb 22, 2018

ellelit said:
Hello, I am having a lot of trouble with work, and find it very hard to put in "an honest day's work." I work in Information Management for the Government in Canada, and I am happy that I am employed. I worked VERY hard to get to where I am career-wise, although this is not the career I intended, and am not interested in it in the slightest. I am not afraid of hard work, as evidenced by the fact that I spent 10 years in university and worked a job the whole time I was there, on top of my studies.

My trouble is that I NEED this job, at this income ($88,500), to pay off my student loan (was at $100,000, now down to $35,000). I have zero personal debt, no mortgage, no car (I rent and take the bus.) I also have severe health issues which result in $7000 worth of medication every 6 weeks (IV Remicade for severe Ulcerative Pancolitis). So, I need my government job, need my salary and need the benefits for medical reasons (and the pension for my future...)

But this job is making me crazy. I went to school to become an archivist. A cultural and anthropological archivist. 2/3 of the way through school, the Prime Minister at the time cut federal funding for archives, meaning that I would be lucky to get a job making half my current salary if I went to work in an archives. The salary used to be high 70's. Now it's done mostly by volunteers and auxiliary staff. I was supposed to be working with historically significant paper records, Daguerreotype photographs, old first nations garmets, beads, feathers, regalia, etc. Now I write bureaucratic policy for how to manage electronic records. It's not fulfilling, and working in the public sector is soul-sucking in a whole other different way. There is no motivation to work. There is no motivation to try. I can work my butt off, get all of my deliverables done, manage projects like a boss...or I can work at 1/10th speed, meet my deadlines, give a half-hearted effort, and no one knows the difference. I feel like my work has no value.

Over the last 6 years, I have also dealt with bullying in the workplace (when I was a very hard worker, I was lambasted by others because I made them look bad) to such an extent that I was severely depressed. I still suffer with depression, but the reason is mainly because I feel trapped, I know I do not put in my full effort at work, and have no motivation to do any other work in Government. I just don't care. I spend half my day staring off into space. No one notices. Where is the incentive to try?

I know this is a long post, and going back to the bible, I can't help but think that everyday I come to work I'm sinning, because I lie about the work I'm doing, I'm succumbing to temptation by getting away with it, and have little remorse about being deceitful.

I don't know what to do. I feel so ashamed, but feel powerless to change my attitude or my circumstances.

I understand the lack of appreciation.....it is hard to work and never get recognition for the efforts you put in...perhaps this is a time to seek God about opening another door of opportunity...I always believe when one door closes, another door opens. Is there a door that you have been seeing as something you would like to walk through? Perhaps, this is what is happening for you. Just trust God, He orders your footsteps and leads you that you may fulfill His purpose in your life.

Andrew77 · Feb 24, 2018

ellelit said:
Hello, I am having a lot of trouble with work, and find it very hard to put in "an honest day's work." I work in Information Management for the Government in Canada, and I am happy that I am employed. I worked VERY hard to get to where I am career-wise, although this is not the career I intended, and am not interested in it in the slightest. I am not afraid of hard work, as evidenced by the fact that I spent 10 years in university and worked a job the whole time I was there, on top of my studies.

My trouble is that I NEED this job, at this income ($88,500), to pay off my student loan (was at $100,000, now down to $35,000). I have zero personal debt, no mortgage, no car (I rent and take the bus.) I also have severe health issues which result in $7000 worth of medication every 6 weeks (IV Remicade for severe Ulcerative Pancolitis). So, I need my government job, need my salary and need the benefits for medical reasons (and the pension for my future...)

But this job is making me crazy. I went to school to become an archivist. A cultural and anthropological archivist. 2/3 of the way through school, the Prime Minister at the time cut federal funding for archives, meaning that I would be lucky to get a job making half my current salary if I went to work in an archives. The salary used to be high 70's. Now it's done mostly by volunteers and auxiliary staff. I was supposed to be working with historically significant paper records, Daguerreotype photographs, old first nations garmets, beads, feathers, regalia, etc. Now I write bureaucratic policy for how to manage electronic records. It's not fulfilling, and working in the public sector is soul-sucking in a whole other different way. There is no motivation to work. There is no motivation to try. I can work my butt off, get all of my deliverables done, manage projects like a boss...or I can work at 1/10th speed, meet my deadlines, give a half-hearted effort, and no one knows the difference. I feel like my work has no value.

Over the last 6 years, I have also dealt with bullying in the workplace (when I was a very hard worker, I was lambasted by others because I made them look bad) to such an extent that I was severely depressed. I still suffer with depression, but the reason is mainly because I feel trapped, I know I do not put in my full effort at work, and have no motivation to do any other work in Government. I just don't care. I spend half my day staring off into space. No one notices. Where is the incentive to try?

I know this is a long post, and going back to the bible, I can't help but think that everyday I come to work I'm sinning, because I lie about the work I'm doing, I'm succumbing to temptation by getting away with it, and have little remorse about being deceitful.

I don't know what to do. I feel so ashamed, but feel powerless to change my attitude or my circumstances.

So a bunch of stuff here. I want to start off by saying that my policy is to be open and honest, and thus sometimes I come across as insulting. I do not intend to be insulting. I'm just saying what I think. Do not take it as a personal insult. It isn't.

1. Bullying in the work place.

This is true nearly everywhere. Almost every single job I have ever had, had people who wanted to work as little as possible, and were offended by others who worked hard. Nearly everywhere.

If you are a Christian, you need to live your life based on how G-d sees you, not how people see you. If you think that changing jobs is going to magically make people appreciate your hard work, it's possible, but not likely. And if you are going to let yourself be depressed by that, then you are going to spend most of your life depressed. I would encourage you to stop thinking that way, and start living life without concern for the opinions of the pagans.

2. Career Change.

I'm going to be perfectly blunt here. I do not mean to be insulting. I'm asking a question. What benefit does an archivist bring to society? I've been alive for 40 years now, and I can't think of anything, directly, or indirectly benefited anyone anywhere, from an archivist. I did a quick search for wages here in the US, and found that an average Archivist makes about $35,000 a year, which seems about right, given what they do.

The reason I'm asking this, is because what I have personally found, is that most of the people I meet with high job sanctification, are often people who can see how their job benefits real people. I don't know if you get that from your job.

If you don't see a solution, perhaps it's time to find a new dream. Maybe you need to consider a new life beyond Archivist.

3. Health expenses.

Obviously you know more about your health problems than I do. I just know that many people have found that if you do some research, you can find cheaper alternatives to expensive treatments. Sometimes you can find a pill that is 95% effective, but 20% of the cost.

Go get a second opinion. Explain the situation, and that you simply don't have endless funds to pay for everything. See if there are alternatives that can make your problems more manageable.

4. Recommendation.

For now you need to stay where you are. Pay off your student loan. Maybe save some money to buy an inexpensive used car. Preferably 3 years old, with low mileage. Certified used is a great way to go.

Then save up money possibly for a new career. Education in a skill that benefits society. Or save money for a move to a new job in Archivist if you intend to stick with it.

G-d be with you.

ellelit · Feb 27, 2018

Andrew77 said:
So a bunch of stuff here. I want to start off by saying that my policy is to be open and honest, and thus sometimes I come across as insulting. I do not intend to be insulting. I'm just saying what I think. Do not take it as a personal insult. It isn't.

1. Bullying in the work place.

This is true nearly everywhere. Almost every single job I have ever had, had people who wanted to work as little as possible, and were offended by others who worked hard. Nearly everywhere.

If you are a Christian, you need to live your life based on how G-d sees you, not how people see you. If you think that changing jobs is going to magically make people appreciate your hard work, it's possible, but not likely. And if you are going to let yourself be depressed by that, then you are going to spend most of your life depressed. I would encourage you to stop thinking that way, and start living life without concern for the opinions of the pagans.

2. Career Change.

I'm going to be perfectly blunt here. I do not mean to be insulting. I'm asking a question. What benefit does an archivist bring to society? I've been alive for 40 years now, and I can't think of anything, directly, or indirectly benefited anyone anywhere, from an archivist. I did a quick search for wages here in the US, and found that an average Archivist makes about $35,000 a year, which seems about right, given what they do.

The reason I'm asking this, is because what I have personally found, is that most of the people I meet with high job sanctification, are often people who can see how their job benefits real people. I don't know if you get that from your job.

If you don't see a solution, perhaps it's time to find a new dream. Maybe you need to consider a new life beyond Archivist.

3. Health expenses.

Obviously you know more about your health problems than I do. I just know that many people have found that if you do some research, you can find cheaper alternatives to expensive treatments. Sometimes you can find a pill that is 95% effective, but 20% of the cost.

Go get a second opinion. Explain the situation, and that you simply don't have endless funds to pay for everything. See if there are alternatives that can make your problems more manageable.

4. Recommendation.

For now you need to stay where you are. Pay off your student loan. Maybe save some money to buy an inexpensive used car. Preferably 3 years old, with low mileage. Certified used is a great way to go.

Then save up money possibly for a new career. Education in a skill that benefits society. Or save money for a move to a new job in Archivist if you intend to stick with it.

G-d be with you.

Thanks for the input. I'm not an archivist. I'm a bureaucratic records manager. Big difference. My intention was to work with historical documents (the value of this is to preserve documentary heritage. Kind of like a museum, but for important or culturally significant records. Like preserving the notes and drawings of Newton or Einstein. In Canada, there are lots of different types of archives, like the Hudson's Bay, which shows business affairs of the fur trade and documents the impacts of the British and French on the first nations. A university archivist would preserve research documentation and any of the records that were donated to the university's trust, like the Margaret Atwood Archives and things like that. Archives are very important. It gives a documented record of our history. Just because you have never used it, or see the value, does not mean there is no value.) When I started school, I met with career and educational advisors, did my research, interned at 3 separate archives before deciding to go to school for it. At the time the salary range for that career was 70+. After the funding cuts, it was closer to 40k, but I was already 3/4 of the way through my degree, so I had to make a choice. Follow my passion and make no money....or switch to the releated field of records management (with salaries ranging from 50k to 150k plus. So I chose the latter, and have regretted it every day of my working life in this career. It sucks the life right out of me. It is awful. But, it pays really well and I should be grateful, right?

Yes, there are bullies everywhere and I have come to accept that. But accepting it, and allowing it to affect you are different matters entirely. I let it affect me because I am often a target (hard worker, fiercely intelligent, ambitious, morbidly obese) and I have literally heard it all. Most days, I don't even feel like leaving the house.

I have health issues that, at their worst, had me taking between 30 and 50 bloody poops a day. The only treatment was to either have my entire lower intestine removed or go on "biologic imunosuppressants" which cost $1000 per vial, and I take 7 vials every 6 weeks. There is no second opinion. It's chemotherapy and it's REALLY expensive. But it also gave me back my quality of life and allowed me to enjoy life outside of the bathroom.

I know what I have to do, but it doens't make it any easier. I cannot drive and take the bus where I need to go or nicely ask hubby if it's somewhere the bus does not go.

I currently work in the public sector. My career does directly impact society, but that fact does not make it suck any less for ME.

vinsight4u · Feb 27, 2018

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