Tell me what ya think-

[djembe]

Hey there. I hope everyone's having a great day. I'm just gonna throw out my current situation, and I'd truly appreciate an honest opinion. I'm 18, graduating in May, and starting college in August. I've been been interested in a guy at church for about 2 years. He's a really special kinda guy, and I knew I really liked him, but ofcourse, I didn't feel it was appropriate to start anything early on.. So we became casual friend and eventually ended up leading a small group bible study together. We're also in 2 praise bands together. Here's the deal. A few weeks ago he asked me if I'd like to get together sometimes. Since then, we've gotten together about 6 times... Our time together has consisted of a lot of talking, and just being together. No kissing, but we hold hands. We really like each other. The thing is, He's still got a year of high school. Obviously neither of us is ready for marriage!! So, even though we've liked each other for so long and want to have a pure relationship, is it appropriate to be 'dating' right now? Thanks in advance for any feedback. By the way- I'm new! and it's nice to be here! amber

 

[Injured Soldier]

Hi Amber,

Yeah, I think it's OK for you to be dating. I mean you obviously haven't rushed into it so far, and don't seem to be rushed to get married. From what you've told us you don't have inappropriate physical contact, you're both Christians who love the Lord, and both have talents lying in similar areas. You both like each other. I don't really see what the problem is unless you can expand more. 'Dating' isn't just for people who are thinking of getting married in the near future, it's just a way for a boy and a girl who like each other to be committed to knowing about each other and seeing how they interact in situations. So I see no problem.

You seem to have a lot going for you, is there any reason why you are having doubts?

 

[seangoh]

I think it's fine at your age to start dating. The only condition is that there is a level of maturity there between the two people. Be strong, serious and rational about the issue. Let everything go through the thought process and don't leave emotions to do the work for you. Also, strive to learn more from each other and i encourage you both to work together on getting closer to God too. You might want to come up with some projects or bible study that both of you can do that brings you closer to God. God is still the priority here.

 

[djembe]

Thank you both so much for your input. The only reason I had any doubts was because I've heard many Christians say that one should only date if he/she is looking to get married. We're not even close to that point! I also agree that dating for the sake of dating usually isn't a good idea. Anyway- if this relationship turns into something I know it shouldn't be, I'll make some changes. God Bless you both. You're a huge encouragement. Amber

 

[fishstix]

The whole only dating if you are looking to get married doesn't mean that you have to be planning on getting married in the very near future. It also includes seeing the relationship very possibly ending up in marriage several years down the road. If you think there's a good chance that sometime in the future, when both of you are older, that you could get married, and you are both know each other as friends and are ready to be dating now, then it would certainly be reasonable to have a dating relationship.

I think that the advice to only date if you are looking for marriage is largely because there are really only two possible ways for a dating relationship to end up - breaking up or getting married. Thus, it is best to only start relationships if you could see them ending up in marriage. Because if you start a relationship knowing that you would never actually marry the person, then it's almost certain that one or both of you will end up getting hurt. You could still end up breaking up with someone who you think is marriage material now, but at least there is more of a chance that you won't.

 

[djembe]

Hey there Fishstix- thanks for your input. It really helped me put things into perspective. This is most certainly someone I would consider marrying down the road. The only problem with this would be the physical aspect of the relationship. I realize that when 2 people have strong feelings for each other, the physical relationship can easily get out of hand. I don't just mean sex. Even passionate kissing can be reckless and damaging... but very tempting I must say. I think this is why boundaries should be set ahead of time. I should really think about this. Thanks again!

 

[Buskanaka]

I don't think you should be worried at all, from what you've said you sound very mature, and seem to be handling it really well. Perhaps if you really want advice you could talk to a pastor or elder at your church.

 

[wvmtnkid]

You seem to have a pretty good attitude regarding dating, djembe. Just continue to be level headed and to think things through, as much as possible, and I think you will be fine. Setting boundaries is a good idea, especially before things get heated. It's a little hard to be drawing the line when your judgement gets cloudy. And I would also advise you to make sure that you sit down with this fellow and both of you talk about where the boundaries are. Clear communication on this for both of you is good.

 

[seangoh]

ok regarding the physical aspects of dating, each of you, i believe, haven't seeked much advice so there's an extremely good book on boundaries that i highly recommend that both of you read it.
It's called Boundaries in Dating
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0310200342/102-8328068-0466547?v=glance

After reading it or as you both go along, specify clear boundaries. I would suggest even that the kissing stop since you've only been out with him less than 10 times. Obviously your emotions are already kicking in as you can attest. I may not be speaking from the majority's viewpoint, but the kind of girl i want is someone who can interlock with me intellectually.I've had 2 separate incidents where the girl and i were so emotionally attracted that things happened. Thankfully it didn't get out of hand. So as you can tell,emotions when uncontrolled can lead to disastrous effects. NEVER trust your emotions to run your life. I'm not talking about the kind of emotions you might have to your parents. But it's the kind with respect to the guy you like. And it also can applies to our relationship with God where sometimes we feel like God is so far away or we don't feel like doing our devotions. We know our feelings are not right so we have to allow the intellect and will to take over. Same thing with relationships. Guard our emotions and use our intellect more.You might have met a wonderful guy true..but there's a long way to go before marriage. Take this relationship as a marathon where you pace your steps and not as a sprint coz if you run too fast, you will find out you have no more energy and might give up the whole race. Keeping it slow makes the relationship more worthwhile, exciting and long lasting. It has something to do with delayed gratification which has a successful relationship implied in it. Yes, it means not following what everyone seems to be doing and it's going against the flow. With regards to this you can check out the book by joshua harris "boy meets girl"
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/t...f=sr_1_3/102-8328068-0466547?v=glance&s=books
where he describes his personal testimony on keeping the relationship pure.

 

[klewlis]

I would suggest even that the kissing stop since you've only been out with him less than 10 times.

Her post said that they are NOT kissing yet.

 

[seangoh]

oops..sorry..hehe

 

[Ceris]

What can I say? You seem much more mature about your situation that many people our age. I want to compliment you for the choices you have made so far, they reveal your mature nature and good judgement. The only thing I have to add is to remember that communication is KEY to all relationships.

 

[djembe]

thanks so much Ceris- I think the problem with me is that I usually understand what the best thing to do would be, but, often times, I don't even use my own good judgement. I really do appreciate everyone's input. God Bless you guys. amber

 

[Ceris]

One other thing I would recommend is to pray to God and "give it up to him", that is allow God's will to work through your relationship.