Teaching my son about being a man

[TCat]

This weekend we went camping. A large group of people, young, old, some out of shape, all went on a hike to a primative cave. The hike ended up being about 2 miles down a rocky path, then a major crawl into an unlit cave. It was fun and exciting but dangerous and exhausting.

My 4 yr old got scared so she and I climbled out and waited for my son and DH. DS came out after a while and sat near me while we waited for the rest of our group to join us.

Finally most of the group was out of the cave and DS asked "where are dad and Robbie (our friend). I seized the moment and pointed out that his father would be one of the very last people out of the cave because as a man he would take responsibility for the safety of the group, protecting and helping eveyone out. That is what men do.

I did not think anything about my comment to my son and certainly did not mean to be offensive to anyone but apparently another man nearby took it that way, he got up walked by and said in a very snotty tone "not ALL men" .

oops

 

[Neenie1]

Oooops is right lol.

Yeah I don't know what I would do in that situation.

 

[lucypevensie]

I don't think it was a bad thing you said. OK, maybe you could have elaborated further and explained yourself more thoroughly and included examples of exceptions. But what you said was right in general. They guy that got offended chose to be offended, IMO.

 

[marezee]

that story is great!
I think you handled it well.
I agree with lucy...it was that man's offense, not yours. LOL

 

[12voltman]

I think you were right.

I never will forget leading a church retreat for the youth group and when all of the kids were out of the bus, I seperated them into groups of boys and girls.

I told the boys that, because we're gentlemen, we were going to carry the girls' bags to their dorm for them.

A lady in the parking lot overheard me and really lit into me for being such a "sexist" and telling the girls that they weren't capable of carrying the bags for themselves (which, obviously, I never did).

A real man places the needs and welfare and safety of others above himself. You did the right thing.

 

[goat37]

I found nothing wrong with your comment... that is what a 'real' man would do.

If I were you, that's probably what I would have told that guy... "Maybe not ALL men, but REAL men."

My son is going to grow up knowing what it is to be a gentleman, a leader, and courageous. It seems that so many children these days grow up without any sort of character instilled in them whatsoever.

 

[Birbitt]

I agree a man would take responsibility for making sure everyone is out safely!

 

[MDT]

BRAVO goat37.

Character is something that is modeled or taught. If our kids don't see it they'll never have it. It's up to us to demonstrate that behavior.

There nothing wrong with what was said. Boys need to be taught how to be men. And if the parents don't do it, who is going to?

 

[TCat]

Thanks for the encouragment, I felt kind of bad at first, as if I had insulted the guy, but later, after thinking about it, I came to the conclusion that the guy must have felt a little guilty or something, otherwise why would he intrude on a private conversation.
BTW, he made his snide comment as he and HIS boys walked past my son and I. Perhaps next time he'll remember this an teach his sons accordingly.

 

[12voltman]

Thanks for the encouragment, I felt kind of bad at first, as if I had insulted the guy, but later, after thinking about it, I came to the conclusion that the guy must have felt a little guilty or something, otherwise why would he intrude on a private conversation.
BTW, he made his snide comment as he and HIS boys walked past my son and I. Perhaps next time he'll remember this an teach his sons accordingly.

I'll guarantee you that his boys heard your words more loudly than his.

 

[MDT]

Kids learn what they are taught. You need a license to drive a car or fish or hunt, but not to have kids. Most anybody can have them - but that doesn't mean most anybody can do a good job raising them. You need to do what you believe in your heart is right, not cave (no pun intended based on the situation) to folks around you that have chosen to raise their kids differently. My first priority is to raise Christian children, the closely behind that is to have kids that open doors, say please and thank you, and are the kind of people that show love and consideration to others. NOT the kind of self centered "it's all about me" type people that seem to be more and more prevalent these days.

Raise your kids the way you feel you should raise them. THAT is the way that you make the world the kind of place you believe it should be.

 

[moonkitty]

Why does it have to be a man though? Wouldn’t who ever organized the hike, or whoever is the most experienced in hiking/caving should be the one responsible for making sure everyone is ok? Like with horseback riding my sister and I grew up around horses but neither of our husband have. If we are taking our kids and hubbies out on a trail ride why should they be the one to take responsibility of everyone when they know nothing about horses or riding other than holding on? If a horse or rider has a problem why should we let the hubbies do something when in their ignorance they could cause more damage? I don’t see why having a penis makes a person more responsible.

 

[moonkitty]

On second thought, maybe the man thought you were dispersing his own manliness by implying that he should have been down there with them?

 

[moonkitty]

ops double post. I've been doing that alot recently

 

[TCat]

My comment to my son about his dad and our friend being the last guys out of the cave was not really about the cave at all. I was pointing out to my son that his dad is the kind of man who takes care of others, serves and lends his strength and protection to others. That is the kind of man I want my son to emulate, taking care of others, assuming responsibility, leading by example.

My husband is an extremely humble guy, he does what needs to be done without asking, without drawing attention to himself, and most often without kudos. I wanted my son to see a great example of his dad being the kind of man I hope he will be someday.

That the other guys made a comment makes me wonder if he thought he SHOULD have been down there.

 

[moonkitty]

All I’m trying to say is that by saying something along the lines that “your dad is a real man and is down there helping others and being responsible” can be misinterpreted as “any man not down there is a wimp” or misinterpreted as “girls can’t do the tough stuff” I’m not saying that is what you meant; only that it can and often is misinterpreted.

 

[marezee]

perhaps the man should not have been eavesdropping in the first place.

 

[TCat]

I think my son got the message just fine.

The last person out just before my DH and our friend Rob WAS a woman, her husband was the one leading the group to the cave. My son will NEVER hear that woman are not capable, his mother is to strong for that, but hopefully he will learn that one way to serve others is by lending your strength, caring for others and helping everyone around you.

 

[marezee]

I think my son got the message just fine.

The last person out just before my DH and our friend Rob WAS a woman, her husband was the one leading the group to the cave. My son will NEVER hear that woman are not capable, his mother is to strong for that, but hopefully he will learn that one way to serve others is by lending your strength, caring for others and helping everyone around you.

Amen

 

[GQ Chris]

Maybe the male who got offended is a girly male. I personally as a Man will protect and defend weaker people, men or women. You told your kid the right thing.