teaching a child to stand up for herself

[christianmomof3]

My youngest daughter, who is now 6 and in kindergarten has always been very shy.
She is getting much better and less shy, but my brother in law said he never even heard her speak until this year.
She can be loud and obnoxious with family and friends who she is comfortable with. But, around others she will not speak out and will not stand up for herself.

When she was real little and would get hurt she would cry and not tell us what had happened.
I think the shock of getting hurt made her unable to formulate the words to explain what had happened.
That has improved.

Then in preschool last year when she was 4 at one point she was afraid to go to school because a 4 year old boy was telling her on the playground that he was going to kill her. But she had not told the teachers and it took a while to get her to tell me what was wrong. I told the teachers and it still took about a month to get things straightened out so she was not upset at school.

So, this year she has had several incidents at school of other children saying mean things to her or hurting her and she won't tell the teacher.
She will tell me at home and I let the teacher know each time and the teacher talks to her and the other child (different ones each time) about the incident. She is trying to encourage my daughter to speak up for herself and is going to send her to the school counselor to see if the counselor can help out.
Today a boy squeezed her arm very hard at school and she was crying and the teacher spoke to the boy about it and took my daughter to the nurse and when I picked her up we both encouraged her to tell the teacher if something happens like that.
Apparantly the boy squeezed her arm because she was talking (a less shy thing to do - she is coming out of her shell a lot in many respects.)

I am concerned that if she does not learn to speak up for herself she will be bullied.

She speaks up for herself fine at home with her older brother - she hits him sometimes (not a good thing, but definitely not meek).

So, any suggestions on how to help my daughter to stand up for herself to others and to go to a teacher and tell her when something is wrong?

Thanks.

 

[jgonz]

I've had a couple of meek girls and let me tell you, you can't Make them get stronger and stand up for themselves. It comes with maturity and growth. Sometimes the best thing for this type of child is to just not let them be in that situation... Would it be possible to put her in, say, a Christian school? or Montessori school? or even homeschool her for a couple of years?

 

[GolfingMom]

I'd talk to her teacher.
You could tell her that if children in her class do/say certain things (list a few things that you consider wrong) that the teacher would like to know about it.
My son is similar but Kindergarten has really brought him out of his shell. It's been amazing.

 

[Neenie1]

I've had a couple of meek girls and let me tell you, you can't Make them get stronger and stand up for themselves. It comes with maturity and growth. Sometimes the best thing for this type of child is to just not let them be in that situation... Would it be possible to put her in, say, a Christian school? or Montessori school? or even homeschool her for a couple of years?

I agree. You can't make a child be less sensitive or become stronger. If they have a shy sensitive nature then that is who they are.

The only thing you can do is try and emphasize with her that the teachers are there to help her and she needs to tell them straight away if someone has said something mean or done something to hurt them.

I am not sure moving to a Christian school will stop it happening entirely. My son is in a Christian school and last year encountered a bit of bullying. (he was in Kindy last year) I think bullying occurs every where. I just think in some environments it happens more than others.