Talking with God

[ianjosephjackson]

I want to tell everyone about a phenomenon that happened to me and to tell a short story about me. When I was 4 I was put into a foster home. I remember getting on my knees at the edge of my bed and praying to God or who ever was listening to let me see my birth family again. When I turned 7 I was taken away from the foster home and put up for adoption. I ended up living with my birth brother that was adopted by the same mother. This was a blessing from God. When I turned 17 I joined the US Army and I asked my adoptive mom if she could help me find my birth family and she told me to find them myself. When I turned 23 I was reunited with my birth uncle and found out that my birth mom had passed away to drugs and alcohol. I met my younger sister, aunt and grandmother. This was a blessing from God that I was reunited with my family. Later on when getting to know my sister I found out about how she was living and how my mother's death effected her mind. When my sister was around 12 she was taking care of her mom while the alcohol and drugs took her life. She had a lot of guilt and blame on her shoulders and fell into a dark place. I found out she was doing drugs and partying. As a brother I wanted to show her a better way to live. I felt that our birth family failed her in this aspect. I bought an apartment for my sister and I to live together and I started paying for her to take college courses. Everyone would think of me being a wonderful brother. Well later on she started not showing up at the apartment and found out she was back into doing drugs. Well eventually everything got worse, my sister started feeling like I was being over protective and trying to control her life when all I wanted was for her to see how to be loved again. I started seeing someone around this time, my adoptive cousin died in a fire, my ex fiance left me, my uncle passed away from cancer. My sister no longer talked to me and neither did my adoptive family. I flew to see my adoptive cousins funeral and my family acted as if I wasn't there and as if I wasn't family. All of this sent me into a dark hopeless depression. All I asked from God was to have a family. This was all I wanted. During this time of depression I started going to a cemetery to pray for forgiveness to who ever was listening and to tell God that I forgave my birth mom and family for what wrong they have done and that I wanted the best in life for them. While at the cemetery it was dark and I noticed the street light suddenly went out. I didn't think nothing of it, so I walked over to a grave stone in the middle of the cemetery and one stone caught my attention. It was old, had a masonry symbol on it and had a psalm underneath it- Psalm 51:7. (Purge me with hyssop and I shall be clean, wash me and I shall be whiter than snow). The next night after reading what the psalm ment I went back to the same spot where I was praying last time. It started to snow and the more I cried and begged God to bring my family together again the more it snowed. After my prayer I looked back to where I saw the grave stone with the masonry symbol on it and the street lights where flashing. And they all went out accept for 2. And There was a alligator face with eyes like they have and with an egyption looking head ornament. Or piece that goes over the middle of the forehead and goes long in the back. All I could make out was a hudge face. I went back home and looked up egyption gods and found an alligator adoption God. At the time I didn't know anything about egyption God or the bible or anything accept for the world was created in 7 days and stories of Adam and eve. But I tried to make sense of what I saw. The snow that fell heavy. The flashing streetlights going on and off. The egyption face of an alligator. The psalm. It all made sense. That this was my test to God. To see if I could get out of my suicidal mind and understand that my life will be on and off. But I will always be forgiven by God which the snow represented and that he knows I have a good kind heart. This I believe is why I was told by God to make this page. And make an account here. To see if people can believe that all religions and faiths are but as one that have been branches of each other. To test or forgiveness and strength and our acceptance of others. Just because you are atheist doesn't mean your heart and soul is bad. Many have good souls and should not be forsaken or punished or pushed away for beliefs. Our souls move on with out our bodies.