Tact

[ChristianRocks]

Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.

I have always noticed a general lack of tact among more fundamentalist Christians whose only tool is a hammer and who see every obstacle as a nail.

In recent years, with a growing interest in the ministry of the prophet, some have used this "calling" as an excuse for rudeness. “Hey,” they will say, “I have a prophetic gift; I’m supposed to be confrontational.” Sometimes their definition for “confrontational” is my definition for (take your pick) hatefulness, rudeness, disrespect, arrogance, self-righteousness, spiritual pride, superiority … and the list goes on. I guess they see themselves as John the Baptist thundering in the wilderness or something. Unfortunately (for themselves and others), they are no J the B, and come across as angry and insufferable Christians.

Rudeness, even in a prophet, loses my ear … and my respect.

I would like to appeal to every Christian, especially those of us who deal with non-believers, to develop the art of tactfulness.

I would list scriptures to prove my point, but all you need is a topical dictionary of the Bible and look up references under “Kindness,” “Mercy,” “Love,” “Gentleness,” “Sympathy,” “Compassion,” Consideration,” “Kindheartedness” … etc.

I couldn't agree with you more Jim B, you really hit it on the nail there!

I love that word tact. To me it's the ability to be senstitive to other people's feelings and know how to respond when dealing with them without being offensive. It's an art almost, and just like everything else, it requires experience. For me, the hardest part is recognizing when I have offended someone-- it usually leads to people hardening their hearts. Sometimes I will ramble on without knowing of my breach, and sometimes conversations can get "out-of-synch" and deteriorate because of my insensitivity. Being a guy, it's hard for me to keep a handle on the sensitive part, but God is teaching me. The Holy Spirit is a wonderful thing, and can do this duty for you, if you allow it to.

I just want to stop and encourage you Jim B, that you aren't alone in being ridiculed. I think I can safely say we have all encoutered this at one time or another. It's in times like these, I look to God's word for support and strength, because that is our ROCK! I found a couple verses that you might like Jim. This verse really touched me and helped me realize that we aren't alone.

Psalm 51:11-13:
"Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you."

And then there's Psalm 123:

"I lift up my eyes to you,
to you whose throne is in heaven.
As the eyes of slaves look to the hand of their master,
as the eyes of a maid look to the hand of her mistress,
so our eyes look to the LORD our God,
till he shows us his mercy.

Have mercy on us, O LORD , have mercy on us,
for we have endured much contempt.
we have endured much ridicule from the proud,
much contempt from the arrogant."

If God is able to pour his mercy out on me, then surely I am able to pour that same grace to the people I talk to, even the people who ridicule and try to bring me down. We look to God and see his grace and love for us. And then it becomes clear; we begin to understand. We look at the same people who ridicule and hate us, and God says, "My grace is sufficient, show them my love."

If I had to sum it up, I don't think I could. But, Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 summed it up best:

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Not I, but Christ.

Amen! May the grace of God be with you all.

God Bless

 

[Jim B]

You rock, CR. And thanx!!

I deeply appreciate the Word you shared and I especially love the part where you said

If God is able to pour his mercy out on me, then surely I am able to pour that same grace to the people I talk to, even the people who ridicule and try to bring me down.

That rocks.

I amazes me that people so soon forget who they were and how much they owe God before they start drawing a bead on those still trapped in their sin.

Mercy triumphs over judgment, James 2.13.

\o/

 

[Jim B]

I agree with Jim and with most of what he said in the OP.



What we might want to ask is why do they act this way?

Why would someone with a prophetic gift behave as if that gifting gives them license to not be subject to the commands regarding love, kindness, as well as all the other fruits of the spirit.

This sort of behavior is not peculiar to just prophetic types. It is also found amongst my personal chief antagonist: the heresy hunter. I have found that the "heresy hunter" deems that it is his personal mission and calling from God Almighty to purify the doctrine and teaching of every soul he chances upon. So weighty is this calling; so important is the outcome of the mission; that he feels he is not subject to the same spiritualities as the rest of us. The ends are of such import that the ends justify the means. He can twist the truth, misrepresent, even outright lie if needed. He thinks he is beyond the limitations of mere believers. He deems himself as a guardian of the truth and there are no holds bared in the completion of his work.

Of course he is wrong. Not only is he wrong, but he in setting himself up as doctrinal judge and jury will find the frightening words of James 3 hanging over their head.



James 3:1 Webster
1 My brethren, be not many teachers, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation.



I know the fear of this verse. My screen name means "teacher". I have been a teacher for over 30 years. I cannot count the times I have been left shaking in my bed in tears at the fear of this verse. A true teacher, prophet, or anyone else who knows the calling of God knows exactly of which I speak. Woe be to those who use the word as a weapon to further their own cause and purposes.

Why do they do this? Partially because they in fact are so insecure as to their own calling and gifting that they are compelled to impress others with fleshy shows. Some use the methods mentioned by Jim. Some use other fleshy tactics such as fanatical appearance and lofty pronouncements. I discuss many of these in the prophetic school course. But suffice it to say, the gifted and called of God do not have to behave in these ways. If Christ is speaking in you, you will not need to browbeat or be rude.



2 Corinthians 13:3 Webster
3 Since ye seek a proof of Christ speaking in me, who toward you is not weak, but is mighty in you.



When Christ speaks in me.. the people know it. When He speaks in you, they will know it also.



This is the spirit of prophecy:



1 Corinthians 13:4-5 Webster
4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not its own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;



One of the reasons I drew away from the prophetic movement five years ago is exactly what bro Jim is pointing out here.

There is a message in the following words. I pray God open our eyes to it:

2 Corinthians 10:10-18 WNT
10 For they say "His letters are authoritative and forcible, but his personal presence is unimpressive, and as for eloquence, he has none."
11 Let such people take this into their reckoning, that whatever we are in word by our letters when absent, the same are we also in act when present.
12 For we have not the 'courage' to rank ourselves among, or compare ourselves with, certain persons distinguished by their self-commendation. Yet they are not wise, measuring themselves, as they do, by one another and comparing themselves with one another.
13 We, however, will not exceed due limits in our boasting, but will keep within the limits of the sphere which God has assigned to us as a limit, which reaches even to you.
14 For there is no undue stretch of authority on our part, as though it did not extend to you. We pressed on even to Corinth, and were the first to proclaim to you the Good News of the Christ.
15 We do not exceed our due limits, and take credit for other men's labours; but we entertain the hope that, as your faith grows, we shall gain promotion among you--still keeping within our own sphere--promotion to a larger field of labour,
16 and shall tell the Good News in the districts beyond you, not boasting in another man's sphere about work already done by him.
17 But "WHOEVER BOASTS, LET HIS BOAST BE IN THE LORD."
18 For it is not the man that commends himself who is really approved, but he whom the Lord commends.

Good post, Didy,

You are always a blessing.

\o/

 

[PottersClay]

Jim B: Excellent post. We have no justification for rudness, especially when it involves prophetic people who are supposed to be speaking for God. Scripture clearly says:

" Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."​

Honesty, Truth and confrontation may not always be able to be spoken in a soft voice, but it need not be rude either. Here's a test I use on myself: If I have something difficult to say to someone, if I am not motivated purely out of love, and if I get even a little pleasure or satisfaction from telling them what needs to be said, I think and pray very seriously before I open my mouth.

Why do we even speak such truth? Presumably because we understand it's the loving thing to do, right? Well, if our attitude is wrong toward that person, they are probably not going to receive what we had to say and nothing will be accomplished. Isnt it better to wait until the Lord helps us get our heart right and so what we have to say will be accepted (or at least considered)?

What we might want to ask is why do they act this way?

Why would someone with a prophetic gift behave as if that gifting gives them license to not be subject to the commands regarding love, kindness, as well as all the other fruits of the spirit.

I think it's because people look at the prophets of the OT, and the fact that they see a "God of the OT" being harsh, unloving, judgemental and generally rude.

There are two problems with that. First of all, contrary to popular belief, God was not harsh, judgemental and unloving in the OT. There are many places where He is delcared as merciful, kind, longsuffering, compassionate (most of those passages spoken by God, Himself). I could go on all day about this because this misconception of God's character and nature has done more to discredit the church and Christianity than anything I know of.

And though there were some hard words by the OT prophets, most of what they had to say were pleadings of God for Isreal to turn from idols and come back to Him. Jeremiah and Lamentations are incredible displays of the broken heart of God toward His people, and His obvious lamentation that they've given Him no other choice than to judge them.

When Nathan the prophet confronts King David about his sin with Bathsheba, I've lost count of how many times I've heard "and Nathan pointed his pointy finger in David's chest and said 'you are the man!' (judgemental tone implied). I dont believe for one minute that was Nathan's attitude. I believe he delivered that very difficult word picture with a broken heart because he knew that it would kill David to know how he had sinned against God.

Anyway, I think it is this gross misconception of the heart of prophesy, prophetic people, and the heart of God, that causes prophetic people to act the way they do. If people understood that God desires to speak to us out of love and even when He must judge us, He's doing it with a broken heart because there's no other way, then they would have a much better understanding of how the prophetic gifts should operate.

I also think you made an excellent point when talking about how the heresy hunters see it as their "job" to purify doctrine. Prophetic people do something similar. They think it's their job to get the person to accept the word they've given (by whatever mean) when the truth is, our only responsibility is to deliver the word, and let the Holy Spirit do the work.

This sort of behavior is not peculiar to just prophetic types. It is also found amongst my personal chief antagonist: the heresy hunter. I have found that the "heresy hunter" deems that it is his personal mission and calling from God Almighty to purify the doctrine and teaching of every soul he chances upon. So weighty is this calling; so important is the outcome of the mission; that he feels he is not subject to the same spiritualities as the rest of us. The ends are of such import that the ends justify the means. He can twist the truth, misrepresent, even outright lie if needed. He thinks he is beyond the limitations of mere believers. He deems himself as a guardian of the truth and there are no holds bared in the completion of his work.

Peace
PottersClay (jumping back on the Potter's wheel for some adjustments)

 

[Trish1947]

I've been reading this thread about tact. Very informative. You quote scripture that generally says I become what they are so I might win some. o.k. I admit that I'm blunt about what I feel, but its not my intent to do it at someone elses expense, and If it was taken that way, I'm sorry. Truly. Heres my delema, I work with street people for over 16 years, hard talking, street wise, tough, some would kill you, if they thought they could, get away with it, I ran a shelter, where all those people would come to stay and eat. I learned to talk rough, they did not accept my oozing love, they respected me bacause I didn't pull no punches with them. They came to Christ, because they knew I was not judgemental of them, and I fit in enough for them to hear the message. So its a hard dividing line for me to draw, they wanted to see enough of them in me, for them to accept me. So what do I do?

 

[Andry]

I've been reading this thread about tact. Very informative. You quote scripture that generally says I become what they are so I might win some. o.k. I admit that I'm blunt about what I feel, but its not my intent to do it at someone elses expense, and If it was taken that way, I'm sorry. Truly. Heres my delema, I work with street people for over 16 years, hard talking, street wise, tough, some would kill you, if they thought they could, get away with it, I ran a shelter, where all those people would come to stay and eat. I learned to talk rough, they did not accept my oozing love, they respected me bacause I didn't pull no punches with them. They came to Christ, because they knew I was not judgemental of them, and I fit in enough for them to hear the message. So its a hard dividing line for me to draw, they wanted to see enough of them in me, for them to accept me. So what do I do?

Hi Trish, not to sound patronizing, I admire what you do. Before my son was born, I also spent some time with 'street' people - homeless, most were either alcoholics, drug addicts, prostitutes from the wrong side of the track - pretty much the marginalized group of society. I never directly 'ministered' to them - ie. preached the Gospel. I believed, and still believe, that my actions needed to be louder than my words. So providing blankets, or making PBJ sandwiches and taking out the trash when we were done was just as important as 'preaching'. Once my son gets a little bit older (he's 4) and less 'maintenance' required, we plan to reach out there again.

Evangelism should be a lifestyle, not just an event. However, there are different types of 'evangelism' - not everyone is capable or required to speak in front of people in order to 'evangelize'. I taught this some years back, so I'll pull out my notes (as this forum is sometimes a tough crowd and Scripture reference is 'required') later tonight and post it here.

 

[Jim B]

I've been reading this thread about tact. Very informative. You quote scripture that generally says I become what they are so I might win some. o.k. I admit that I'm blunt about what I feel, but its not my intent to do it at someone elses expense, and If it was taken that way, I'm sorry. Truly. Heres my delema, I work with street people for over 16 years, hard talking, street wise, tough, some would kill you, if they thought they could, get away with it, I ran a shelter, where all those people would come to stay and eat. I learned to talk rough, they did not accept my oozing love, they respected me bacause I didn't pull no punches with them. They came to Christ, because they knew I was not judgemental of them, and I fit in enough for them to hear the message. So its a hard dividing line for me to draw, they wanted to see enough of them in me, for them to accept me. So what do I do?

Trish,

My impression of you from your posts, with rare exception, is that you a very loving, giving person with a heart for unsaved troubled people. Apparently, you are frank and to-the-point. There is nothing wring with confronting destructive behavior in people whose lives are being ruined by sinfulness. By the grace of God you are who you are.

My purpose in this thread was to encourage us to be more loving in our approach to people, especially pre-believers. The characteristics of love in 1 Corinthians 13 are evidenced by 15 characteristics. Live is …

1. patient
2. kind
3. does not envy
4. does not boast
5. is not proud.
6. is not rude,
7. is not self-seeking
8. is not easily angered
9. keeps no record of wrongs
10. does not delight in evil
11. rejoices with the truth
12. protects
13. trusts
14. hopes
15. perseveres​

I guess we have to balance our actions by these standards. If our behavior does not meet the standard, then it is obviously wrong.

But, on the other hand, I have to say, If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. If your approaches works, and if it is what God has chosen for you, who am I to suggest you change.

Just look at this advice as being general in nature. Where it fits, wear it.

\o/

 

[Trish1947]

Thanks guys, I know that God has given me the ability to love these people, but try to hug a big biker, and say I love you, is really foreign to them. When they come to Jesus, then you get the change, and then they will open up. They are a real tuff lot. LOL.

 

[PottersClay]

Trish,

I too have done a lot of inner city work and understand what you're talking about. Sometimes you do have to be a bit less than tactful (though that doesnt mean that the tough street attitude is the only thing they'll respect).

I can also appreciate that between the two boards dealing with this issue, you might be feeling a bit ganged up on. Please know that is not my intent at all. In fact, I can very much relate to you.

I have often been told that I come across harsh at times, and in all honesty, it's baffling to me because I know my heart and know there's not a malicious thought in my head regarding what I've been told I'm sounding harsh about. I used to dismiss their comments because I knew I meant nothing harsh or unkind, but one day, someone said to me "if that many people are saying this about you, there has to be something to it".

I knew it wasnt my heart attitude (most of the time) but that didnt relieve me from asking the Lord to help me learn what it was that I was doing that made it seem I was coming across harshly, and show me how to change it.

I only relate that to you because I suspect that might be where you are. You know your heart, and you know the love you have for people, but somehow, you still have people saying you come across wrong. I would just offer the same council that was given to me.

Oh, I would also like to appologize because I'm sure that some of the posts I made to you were less than kind at times, when truly, I didnt mean them to be. I hope you'll accept my appology.

In peace,
PottersClay

 

[Trish1947]

PottersClay Oh, I would also like to appologize because I'm sure that some of the posts I made to you were less than kind at times, when truly, I didnt mean them to be. I hope you'll accept my appology.

In peace,
PottersClay

OF coarse I accept. What you said about the fruit of the Spirit is absolutely true. I think It's me. I feel inside the fruit of the Spirit. Love, not boastful, kind, all those, but in the type of ministry I do, I feel like I have to "check" those feelings because in the groups that I have worked with, arent accepting of this at first. It's just totally foreign to them. Then when I get with my Christian brothers and sisters, I'm still running in the street mode, and they think I've lost my salvation... LOL. Mind you I dont curse, or none of that, or use harsh comments (most of the time), I'm just what you would say, appear rough textured, with a very soft heart. It's hard to explain. Thank you Potters Clay, you have hit my delimma exactly.

 

[Andry]

Evangelism should be a lifestyle, not just an event. However, there are different types of 'evangelism' - not everyone is capable or required to speak in front of people in order to 'evangelize'. I taught this some years back, so I'll pull out my notes (as this forum is sometimes a tough crowd and Scripture reference is 'required') later tonight and post it here.

Hi Trish,

Couldn't find my notes on 'evangelism', so if my memory is correct, there are seven basic types of evangelism, which essentially covers the whole spectrum of human psyche/personality/gifting (I know these are broad brush statements, but like I said, this is from memory), thus no Christian is 'excused' from evangelism just because their 'personality' is too shy, or intellectually/acedemically 'challenged', or as Moses originally claimed, 'couldn't speak'.

1. Confrontational - like Peter
2. Intellectual - like Paul
3. Testimonial - many examples, we all can relate
4. Relational - likewise
5. Miraculous - likewise
6. Service - likewise
7. Invitational - woman at the well

I really wished I found my notes so I can be more specific, but I'm sure you're able to search for Scripture examples yourself. Thus, from the above, I think any Christian can live an evangelistic lifestyle in their daily lives as I think all of us have the ability, (ie. it's not a stretch) to 'do' one or more of the different types.

You're thoughts/comments?

 

[Trish1947]

Hi Trish,

Couldn't find my notes on 'evangelism', so if my memory is correct, there are seven basic types of evangelism, which essentially covers the whole spectrum of human psyche/personality/gifting (I know these are broad brush statements, but like I said, this is from memory), thus no Christian is 'excused' from evangelism just because their 'personality' is too shy, or intellectually/acedemically 'challenged', or as Moses originally claimed, 'couldn't speak'.

1. Confrontational - like Peter
2. Intellectual - like Paul
3. Testimonial - many examples, we all can relate
4. Relational - likewise
5. Miraculous - likewise
6. Service - likewise
7. Invitational - woman at the well

I really wished I found my notes so I can be more specific, but I'm sure you're able to search for Scripture examples yourself. Thus, from the above, I think any Christian can live an evangelistic lifestyle in their daily lives as I think all of us have the ability, (ie. it's not a stretch) to 'do' one or more of the different types.

You're thoughts/comments?

Thank You andry for the post. I'm going to do some studying this evening on this. I think I might fall in the #1, LOL. I'm sort of spirty on the #2, and have had experiance with the others... This is interesting, thanks.