I've been having some suicidal thoughts or feelings swirling in my head lately. I didn't marry my girlfriend when I was twenty, so I didn't have kids. , now forties. No children, no marriage, I constantly questioned the value of my existence. Not having kids is probably the biggest reason why I question my purpose in life most of the time. Not very good. There will be no funeral services for next of kin. To make matters worse, I recently suffered from schizophrenia and other illnesses. I would hallucinate and have voices speaking to me. Thank God, schizophrenia can be cured through medication. I did attempt suicide on the high seas ,200 meters off the coast. I miraculously survived after hearing a supernatural voice speak to me, again I assumed it was a hallucination, an angelic voice spoke to me, taught me and reminded me of my time in the Navy, taught me How to swim and miraculously make it back to shore. I have been unemployed for several years. While I still had some savings, I felt like I was going to be a plane out of fuel sooner or later. My life was ultimately doomed. I think my biggest regret and fear is probably that I didn’t get married and have a few kids in the past. Children symbolize hope. I just don’t know how to stop these pessimistic views on life.
