"Swinging"

[fluffy_rainbow]

This issue came up in the thread regarding pornography degrading women. I didn't want to derail the thread, so I wanted to start a new thread seeing what the various opinions are on swinging, aka, spouse swapping.

I, myself, find the practice deplorable not just from a Christian standpoint, but also from a practical standpoint. My impression is what is the point of getting married if you want to sleep around? Some people say, "well, if it turns you on what difference does it make?" Well, just because something appeals to you sexually does not make it right to indulge in. Sadly, the world's mentality is "anything goes" when it comes to sex. The reality of swinging is that it doesn't always work out in the long-run. Eventually someone gets hurt. I also dislike the "as long as he/she comes home to me" mentality. So it's okay for a husband or wife to sleep with a co-worker or a stranger they met in a bar, so long as they come home to the spouse? To me it doesn't seem like a marriage. So here are my questions:

1. Do you think swinging is acceptable?
2. Even if both parties consent, would you consider it adultery?
3. If both parties consent, but only one spouse sleeps around is that "fair"?
4. Should a couple still indulge in "swinging" if they have children?
5. Which avenues are the most appropriate, i.e., swinger parties, internet encounters, hooking up with mutual friends, etc.?

 

[Clem is Me]

I think if two people can handle it, then it's fine. I know of no two people who can, but that does not mean they don't exist.

I am more favorable to the idea of serial monogamy, though.

 

[Iron Sun 254]

If you're going to "swing" you shouldn't be married in the first place.

 

[Clem is Me]

Being married has benefits for child rearing and stuff. Taxes, insurance.

 

[Eph. 3:20]

I can see that this is one of those threads that will draw a myriad of opposing viewpoints and will go on forever. But it is something that is happening in our culture and must be addressed. The issue (here in a Christian forum environment) is whether it is Biblically acceptable. Many of us might abhor the practice or the suggestion of it personally, but does it fail to be acceptable when we put it under the scrutiny of what is Biblically acceptable?

I, myself, find the practice deplorable not just from a Christian standpoint, but also from a practical standpoint. My impression is what is the point of getting married if you want to sleep around? Some people say, "well, if it turns you on what difference does it make?" Well, just because something appeals to you sexually does not make it right to indulge in. Sadly, the world's mentality is "anything goes" when it comes to sex.

You are certainly given the right to express your viewpoints. But your veiwpoints have been crafted and sculpted by the environment in which you grew up. A couple brought up under different circumstances might have complete acceptance of this lifestyle within their marriage. Does it have the potential for harm within a relationship, sure. But then, so do a myriad of other things.

The reality of swinging is that it doesn't always work out in the long-run. Eventually someone gets hurt. I also dislike the "as long as he/she comes home to me" mentality. So it's okay for a husband or wife to sleep with a co-worker or a stranger they met in a bar, so long as they come home to the spouse? To me it doesn't seem like a marriage.

If we were to sheild ourselves from the potential for getting hurt in relationships, one would never get married in the first place. The true and deepest friendships and relationships are those in which we are truly open and transparent, with that comes the risk of being hurt by another, but it is within these kind of relationships that you find the meaning of love and of life. In any endeavor there is no great reward without risk.

Here is a link to a report done on those in the lifestyle, you would be suprised at how mainstream the people are. http://www.ejhs.org/volume3/swing/body.htm

Do you think swinging is acceptable?

Is it socially acceptable...it seems to be gaining popularity. I seriously doubt if it will be embraced by the larger conservative culture which in most cases views sex in a negative sense.

Is it Biblically acceptable... I have examined this issue thoroughly and I have a difficult time saying that it is not. You will have to show me what is the fundemental difference between a present day man that sleeps with another woman with his wifes consent and the OT saint that sleeps with his wifes consent with his concubine, slave or prostitute all without condemnation or the slightest sign of displeasure from God.

This study has forced me to look at how God views sex as opposed to how we view sex and the two are very different. One of the best books I have read on this subject and one I highly recommend is Divine Sex by Philo Thelos. You can get it through trafford.com or amazon.com it looks at every aspect of sex within Scripture from a Theological perspective.

Even if both parties consent, would you consider it adultery?

No, it doesn't meet the Biblical definition of adultery. It would be adultery of one of the parties did it without the consent of the other or if the couple has made a vow if sexual excusivity to one another and that vow has not been rescended.

If both parties consent, but only one spouse sleeps around is that "fair"?

I guess you would have to ask that to the person in the relationship that is not doing the "sleeping around."

Should a couple still indulge in "swinging" if they have children?

Should a couple still engage in sex if they have children? Should a couple continue to skydive if they have children?

What the couple decides to do is dependent upon many factors. Is it worth the risk of contracting a disease? Is the relationship at a point where this lifestyle can be enjoyed without being damaged etc...?

Which avenues are the most appropriate, i.e., swinger parties, internet encounters, hooking up with mutual friends, etc.?

I think it's dependent upon the couple. Everyone is different. If you are of the opinion that this lifestyle is deplorable, then none of these venues would be appropriate.

Eph.

 

[Phred]

1. Do you think swinging is acceptable?

For myself, nope. Just not interested.

2. Even if both parties consent, would you consider it adultery?

Nope.

3. If both parties consent, but only one spouse sleeps around is that "fair"?

Don't care... it's their relationship, it's up to them.

4. Should a couple still indulge in "swinging" if they have children?

How would it hurt them?

5. Which avenues are the most appropriate, i.e., swinger parties, internet encounters, hooking up with mutual friends, etc.?

Now how would I know?

.​

 

[GMRELIC]

swinging is not something I would ever choose to do, I am kind of like this on the matter If you use my tooth brush I'm going to throw it away, that also goes for my wife if you use my wife I am going to throw her away also, but if it is between people that don't have a problem with it, and can deal with it, who am I to say they can't do it, Not what I would do, but they are the ones going to have to answer for it, not me, It is just none of my business

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

It appears the general consensus here is "it's not okay for me, but it's okay for others". I won't challenge your opinion on that issue. My great concern is the seemingly unanimous viewpoint that spouse swapping has no affect on the children. I'm sorry, but as parents there are things you must give up in order to be an effective parent. Parents who have children and continue to engage in various things just because they don't want to make any sacrifices are selfish and should not have children in the first place. I mean, what happens when the children become teenagers when it makes it more difficult to conceal that lifestyle from them? What if they go to school with another teenager whose parents slept with their parents only their parents were more inclined to talk about it openly? Can you imagine..."Hahaha my dad slept with your mom Hahahaha"? Also, what does that teach your children about the importance of a commitment within marriage? Once you start inviting outsiders into your bed you have defiled the marriage bed and the commitment is gone. I don't care if you want kids, tax breaks, joint checking accounts, etc. Sex is an integral part of a marriage and if you aren't satisfied with one person then you shouldn't have gotten married. It's like, what is the point?

 

[Seeking...]

1. Do you think swinging is acceptable?

It is acceptable - as long as the people engaging in it are doing so consenually. It is not my cup of tea though.

2. Even if both parties consent, would you consider it adultery?

It is not a betrayal, it is not adultery.

3. If both parties consent, but only one spouse sleeps around is that "fair"?

Well, it wouldn't really be swinging then. It would be an "open" relationship or nonmonogamy, which is fair and I'm okay with it.

4. Should a couple still indulge in "swinging" if they have children?

There is no reason that the children would find out or be affected by it - so why not...

5. Which avenues are the most appropriate, i.e., swinger parties, internet encounters, hooking up with mutual friends, etc.?

I can't even begin to imagine...

I can understand that people may not understand nonmonogamy - but I truly don't understand the judgement that some people have against it. Personally I am monogamous, but I don't consider it some acheivement on my part. When I am in a relationship - I stop "seeing" other people. My entire romantic/intimate/sexual interest becomes fixated on one person and I am oblivious to everyone else. It has never required any effort on my part to remain faithful. Not everyone is like that. In my past I have known men who so completely separate sex from love and intimacy that fidelity is quite difficult and meaningless for them. I don't think that is a failing of theirs - just different wiring. I personally don't require monogamy in a long-term relationship. While I would prefer a spouse to have as few partners as possible - the occaisional non-emotional fling doesn't concern me. I'd rather have 100% of my spouse's heart.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

I understand the issue with nonmonogamy. I don't understand why anyone who does not wish to be monogamous sexually would want to commit to the epitome of monogamy - the institution of marriage.

 

[GMRELIC]

My great concern is the seemingly unanimous viewpoint that spouse swapping has no affect on the children. I'm sorry, but as parents there are things you must give up in order to be an effective parent. Parents who have children and continue to engage in various things just because they don't want to make any sacrifices are selfish and should not have children in the first place.

If they are having a orgy in the livingroom with the Children watching yeah I have a big problem with that, I have just a big of a problem if they were not swapping and were having sex in the livingroom in front of the kids, Why would the kids even have to know they were swapping?

 

[Seeking...]

It appears the general consensus here is "it's not okay for me, but it's okay for others". I won't challenge your opinion on that issue. My great concern is the seemingly unanimous viewpoint that spouse swapping has no affect on the children. I'm sorry, but as parents there are things you must give up in order to be an effective parent. Parents who have children and continue to engage in various things just because they don't want to make any sacrifices are selfish and should not have children in the first place. I mean, what happens when the children become teenagers when it makes it more difficult to conceal that lifestyle from them? What if they go to school with another teenager whose parents slept with their parents only their parents were more inclined to talk about it openly? Can you imagine..."Hahaha my dad slept with your mom Hahahaha"? Also, what does that teach your children about the importance of a commitment within marriage? Once you start inviting outsiders into your bed you have defiled the marriage bed and the commitment is gone. I don't care if you want kids, tax breaks, joint checking accounts, etc. Sex is an integral part of a marriage and if you aren't satisfied with one person then you shouldn't have gotten married. It's like, what is the point?

Why would the children be affected? My understanding is that people go to parties and swap partners. They do not have children at the parties. People do not bring their swapees home with them. Some parties are even designed so that the attendees don't know the real life identity of the other party goers. Doesn't seem like a child is likely to find out if they have cautious parents - so that is a big "if". It is also only your opinion that non-monogamy defiles the marriage bed and destroys committment. To me, committment is not defined by sex. What I plan to teach my children is that a marriage committment has to be defined by the participants. My children probably will not want the marriage I want - they will have different priorities and needs. There is no 1 ideal way to have a marriage.

 

[Clem is Me]

There is no real poinmt to marriage. It's all about making your dad happy.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

I believe that commitment is a multi-faceted term. Of course, this is merely my opinion, not a fact. I mean, mine is based upon Biblical standards for marriage but I can't emphasize those points to those who do not wish to follow the Bible. Commitment encompasses many different aspects of a marriage - sex being one of them. To extract one apsect and limit the commitment to simply loving your spouse, providing financially, etc. almost demeans the marriage all the way around.

Children usually don't know their parents are swingers; however, there are many families who are very open about these things and you run the risk of them blabbing about it at school. And I don't have to physically see my parents having sex *shudders*, but I know they do. After awhile it may get harder and harder to conceal something that would appear to be an integral part of the marriage.

 

[Seeking...]

I understand the issue with nonmonogamy. I don't understand why anyone who does not wish to be monogamous sexually would want to commit to the epitome of monogamy - the institution of marriage.

When was marriage the epitome of monogamy? The social appearance of it perhaps - but adultery has had a long and illustrious history. Marriage is the epitome of inheritance rights, property ownership and legal lineage.

For many, marriage is the legal representation of an emotional committment. They see the emotioanl committment of greater import than the sexual and they keep the two separate. Why shouldn't they marry - after all, most marriage vows say something or two about loving for a lifetime or sharing a life, but generally there is no mention of specific sexual exclusivity...

 

[praying]

1. Do you think swinging is acceptable? No.
2. Even if both parties consent, would you consider it adultery?Yes and like you said why get married if that is what you want.
3. If both parties consent, but only one spouse sleeps around is that "fair"?WEll in my eyes it isn't but that is a subjective question that I think only the spouse who isn't sleeping around can answer fairly.
4. Should a couple still indulge in "swinging" if they have children?Well I don't think they should indulge in it if they don't have children.
5. Which avenues are the most appropriate, i.e., swinger parties, internet encounters, hooking up with mutual friends, etc.? None they are wrong.

Our society not that this sort of thing hasn't always gone on but it does make

 

[Star_Pixels]

1. Do you think swinging is acceptable?
2. Even if both parties consent, would you consider it adultery?
3. If both parties consent, but only one spouse sleeps around is that "fair"?
4. Should a couple still indulge in "swinging" if they have children?
5. Which avenues are the most appropriate, i.e., swinger parties, internet encounters, hooking up with mutual friends, etc.?

1. I think it's a personal moral - mine is: no.

2. Yes. Adultery is cheating on your spouse. Since you are married, you are cheating on your spouse. The only difference is that BOTH parties are doing it, not just one.

3. Yes. If the other person doesn't want to swing, it's his/her choice.

4. No. Children need a stronghold, a family. If their parents are constantly swapping out (which can lead to turmoil and distress), you're only adding tension that could cause children psychological damages you don't want.

5. All of the above.

 

[praying]

It appears the general consensus here is "it's not okay for me, but it's okay for others". I won't challenge your opinion on that issue. My great concern is the seemingly unanimous viewpoint that spouse swapping has no affect on the children. I'm sorry, but as parents there are things you must give up in order to be an effective parent. Parents who have children and continue to engage in various things just because they don't want to make any sacrifices are selfish and should not have children in the first place. I mean, what happens when the children become teenagers when it makes it more difficult to conceal that lifestyle from them? What if they go to school with another teenager whose parents slept with their parents only their parents were more inclined to talk about it openly? Can you imagine..."Hahaha my dad slept with your mom Hahahaha"? Also, what does that teach your children about the importance of a commitment within marriage? Once you start inviting outsiders into your bed you have defiled the marriage bed and the commitment is gone. I don't care if you want kids, tax breaks, joint checking accounts, etc. Sex is an integral part of a marriage and if you aren't satisfied with one person then you shouldn't have gotten married. It's like, what is the point?

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to fluffy_rainbow again.

 

[Eph. 3:20]

Also, what does that teach your children about the importance of a commitment within marriage? Once you start inviting outsiders into your bed you have defiled the marriage bed and the commitment is gone. Sex is an integral part of a marriage and if you aren't satisfied with one person then you shouldn't have gotten married. It's like, what is the point?

The point is marriage isn't about sex in the first place. Marriage is about comittment and that's the way its been, "from the beginning."

I don't understand how you figure that the comittment is gone. What is my wife prepares a meal for another man...is the comittment gone? What if we all share a meal? If we agree that we can both enjoy this kind of freedom, then how is the marriage bed defiled? Sex in itself is not defiling, like other actions, it's the effect it has upon others.

Eph.

 

[Clem is Me]

Perhaps conversation should be limited to only the spouse.