Swearing/Profanity

[EtainSkirata]

So I had a conversation with my BF, and we have a disagreement about curse words. I don't think it's ok to say them ever, in any setting. He thinks it's ok to say them if you are quoting someone or reading it out of a book, but you don't actually mean it from your heart. And to be fair, I've said bad words out of anger before, while I have NEVER heard him swear in anger, only if he's calmly relaying something someone else said (and even that has been super rare).

But my anxiety is through the roof, because of this disagreement. I just don't want my future kids to be hearing these words in casual conversation, even though he's agreed not to say them around me, and he has planned to educate his kids that "this is a bad word, we don't normally say this; dont ever say it if you mean it from your heart."

I really just need someone to tell me I'm overreacting, because I kind of think I am.

 

[Brother-Mike]

You’re overreacting

In my opinion curse words are not some kind of kryptonite - they are pervasive in our society (and always were… it’s not like escaping back to Puritan or Victorian times would have made any difference) so you have to have a degree of nuance dealing with them, and helping your future kids to deal with them.

Now, the great news is that you don’t curse, nor does your boyfriend, and he’s committed to not swear-quoting around you which I presume also means around the future kids. I don’t see what more you could expect here. Personally I’d recommend that you rethink allowing him to swear-quote, presuming that he’s doing it in a spirit of truth and accuracy and not, for example, just using it as an opportunity to “cheat” by swearing through the words of others.

Just remember, especially with your kids, that the more you wall off swearing into The Forbidden Zone then sadly the more enticing or titillating these words will be to them, especially as teenagers. I would rather cultivate an understanding that “some words are vulgar and ugly and don’t reflect the spirit of God so that’s why we don’t use them even though you’ll hear them all the time” instead of “some words are magic talismans that can never be uttered or even thought and if you hear others using them you have to run away screaming”.

My two cents at least…

 

[Z. Robert]

Well, he could use F-word or darn or something like that to prevent himself from actually saying it, but even then, I’m not sure why he would be quoting someone who was swearing? There are times when you would have to say it as an example, to your children for instance to prevent them from unknowingly using it.

Proverbs 21:23, “Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.”

Romans 6:13, “Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God.”

“For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:” (1 Peter 3:10)

 

[EtainSkirata]

Now, the great news is that you don’t curse, nor does your boyfriend, and he’s committed to not swear-quoting around you which I presume also means around the future kids. I don’t see what more you could expect here. Personally I’d recommend that you rethink allowing him to swear-quote, presuming that he’s doing it in a spirit of truth and accuracy and not, for example, just using it as an opportunity to “cheat” by swearing through the words of others.

He said he wouldn't say it around me, I'm not sure about kids but i think he would. And he says it's for the sake of truth and accuracy, as to why he wants to use "quote swears."

And I mean, like I said, he's never been one to swear in anger, either. I just kinda freaked out a little bit. Maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist but it rubs me the wrong way when it comes to how to raise kids

 

[tturt]

Might want to compare this to stating behaviors to avoid such as oujja boards, tarot cards, etc

 

[EtainSkirata]

Personally I’d recommend that you rethink allowing him to swear-quote, presuming that he’s doing it in a spirit of truth and accuracy and not, for example, just using it as an opportunity to “cheat” by swearing through the words of others.

Hey, just wanted to clarify: did you mean that I should rethink NOT letting him use "quote swears?"

 

[Brother-Mike]

Hey, just wanted to clarify: did you mean that I should rethink NOT letting him use "quote swears?"

In my opinion yes - if he’s motivated by accuracy and truth in speech then I would give him a pass here, presuming the kids are nowhere in range and he’s not doing it just so that he can swear (which doesn’t sound at all his motivation based on how you’ve described things).

And I presume were not talking about him reading arresting-officer Police transcripts or something but instead maybe the occasional spicy quote in the news here or there, or from literature.