- Dec 22, 2017
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I had a beautiful dream last night. It was brief, but meaningful. It was just me & a girl, someone I know from college who is doing amazing things with her life (CASA volunteer & social work major). We were in the chapel, praying together, and I had my arm around her. We were so perfectly united with each other & with God, a living witness to the Trinity.
Lately, I've begun replacing my morning routine of going online with a morning routine of praying. I reach for a Crucifix instead of my tablet, and this has been the single best step in my spiritual growth since coming back from college. Without this step, what I soon heard is something I would've missed.
I heard a little voice, not as a vision but as a thought, telling me to surrender this to Jesus. I did, with a heavy heart. It made me sad to give up something like this; even if it was just a thought, just a dream, it was still wonderful, Godly as can be, and being without it made me sad.
This little thought voice asked, "Why does this make you sad?". I thought for a bit, then replied, "This is so much of what I was made for. Being with a woman & with God is all I want out of life." The little thought voice came back, "If this is what you were made for, why do you not want to give it back to your Maker?". It occurred to me the irony of my sadness when the little thought voice continued, "If He is the one that made you this way, He can figure out all the details. You don't have to, and you know there's details that could make something else be better for you."
Among the details I don't know is if this girl is even single, so that last point made a lot of sense. The sadness began to turn to joy, as I realized what it really means to surrender something beautiful to God. It's hard to imagine something more holy & fulfilling that praying to the God I love with a wonderful woman, and if marriage is my calling, this will happen at some point in my life. Surrendering something beautiful to God doesn't mean giving it up entirely; it's a matter of trusting God with the details. Is this the right girl? When will this happen? What else don't I know that could make a difference?
She's yours, God. I don't know what You'll do with her, what You'll do with this thought & dream I had, or what You'll do with this post on the Internet about it all. But thank You for the grace to trust You; life is much better when I remember the presence of someone higher.
Lately, I've begun replacing my morning routine of going online with a morning routine of praying. I reach for a Crucifix instead of my tablet, and this has been the single best step in my spiritual growth since coming back from college. Without this step, what I soon heard is something I would've missed.
I heard a little voice, not as a vision but as a thought, telling me to surrender this to Jesus. I did, with a heavy heart. It made me sad to give up something like this; even if it was just a thought, just a dream, it was still wonderful, Godly as can be, and being without it made me sad.
This little thought voice asked, "Why does this make you sad?". I thought for a bit, then replied, "This is so much of what I was made for. Being with a woman & with God is all I want out of life." The little thought voice came back, "If this is what you were made for, why do you not want to give it back to your Maker?". It occurred to me the irony of my sadness when the little thought voice continued, "If He is the one that made you this way, He can figure out all the details. You don't have to, and you know there's details that could make something else be better for you."
Among the details I don't know is if this girl is even single, so that last point made a lot of sense. The sadness began to turn to joy, as I realized what it really means to surrender something beautiful to God. It's hard to imagine something more holy & fulfilling that praying to the God I love with a wonderful woman, and if marriage is my calling, this will happen at some point in my life. Surrendering something beautiful to God doesn't mean giving it up entirely; it's a matter of trusting God with the details. Is this the right girl? When will this happen? What else don't I know that could make a difference?
She's yours, God. I don't know what You'll do with her, what You'll do with this thought & dream I had, or what You'll do with this post on the Internet about it all. But thank You for the grace to trust You; life is much better when I remember the presence of someone higher.
