Support

[Camalinda]

I'm sure this has been done here before, but since I'm new I want to hear everyone's experiences.

As a Christian, I find that in real life, I have the most support for what my children and I have gone through from NON-Christians and social agencies. I have a few IRL friends that are both Christians and supportive. For the most part, I feel ignored.

I have a HUGE online base of support through a Christian homeschooling forum that I have been part of for 6 years now. I am not homeschooling since we left, but these women continue to support me. By "huge" I mean probably 4 women who I absolutely, positively know will almost drop everything to answer emails from me if I'm in crisis or having a really hard time, and probably 20 others who pray and encourage me.

My extended family- not so much. In fact, when I first left my husband several months ago, they helped HIM. We had to return after a month because there was no place for us to go.

My church- so-so. They did help me financially in order to be able to move here. But otherwise I feel invisible a lot of times to them as well.

My local homeschooling group- feeling pretty ignored and invisible.

I find that with Christians, so often, if they have not truly experienced themselves or walked through it with someone close, they just can't handle the break-up of a marriage. Even if adultery is involved, there is a lot of pressure to go back and forgive.

What have you found in your lives? Who has been the most/least supportive? I realize not everyone uses social agencies (in my case, I qualify due to abuse), but if you have, have you found them helpful?

Would you like to start a divorce care or support group? I think about that at times- when I have my head above water more, that I would contemplate doing that.

So fill me in.

 

[BlueJay83]

Camalinda,

My church was VERY dissapointing in its support. (not in separaton, but in my Ex's hospitalization for BiPolar)

There was two ladies who helped when my Ex was hospitalised.
They made meals and were very supportive in terms of practical help, not just a slap on the back. I didn't get one call from the leaders to see how she was or how I was doing.

I got more genuine help from Government Agencies than from my "brothers and sisters" who I had been in very close relationship with for the preceding 9+ years.

I'm not on a mission to create support groups or "organised" groups, I will however o out of my way now to actively help those around me.

I don't care what "they" at the old church say about ending the marriage. I know I've done the right thing.
A new church I've visited has called me 4 times asking what they can do to help. I have only asked for prayer but the love and support from them is phenomenal.

 

[Camalinda]

C-man, Unfortunately, I believe it is the same for Christians supporting someone with mental illness as it is for Christians really coming alongside someone divorcing or needing to leave someone with a mental illness for their (spouses and/or children's) safety.

I attended a church years ago that had a "counselor" who has trained in Biblical counseling. I find nothing wrong with biblical counseling. However, this man was counseling people who were diagnosed bipolars to GO OFF their medicines and trust the Lord for their stability. *SIGH* I cannot imagine counseling a diabetic to go off their insulin and to trust the Lord for their blood sugar stability, but yet, because it is 'mental' it is either of the devil or of the afflicted person's own making because they do not trust God enough.

When I was at my absolute worst in my initial bipolar diagnosis, I called one of the women from this church who had been helping to care for my children and told her I needed someone to come watch my kids because I knew I needed to have a major break or I was going to HAVE a major break! You know what she offered me? To come over and read the Bible and pray with me, but NO, she would not watch my kids. I needed to trust the Lord more.

I realize people are ignorant. But when I'm ignorant of something, I try (or at least I HOPE I try) to remain silent on it and not just spout forth words of despair to people.

<Stepping off my soap-box>

Anyway, I honestly don't wallow in that past, but it was very difficult to get through that.

I see why Christians with problems are not more open. As someone once said, "Christians are the only ones who shoot their wounded." Not always true, I realize, but very often so.

The one thing that really does encourage *me* through all of it is the verse that says that someday, we will be able to comfort others with the comfort we ourselves have received from God Himself during these times. I hope that is so. And believe me, 20 years ago, I could be very black-and-white and judgmental of those going through major problems. Praise God He continually conforms us to the image of His Son!

 

[BlueJay83]

Anyway, I honestly don't wallow in that past, but it was very difficult to get through that.

Past tense! It's over and the future is bright!

 

[Camalinda]

Past tense! It's over and the future is bright!

I like you're thinking, C-man. I need reminding sometimes that the future is bright and that God has a good plan for us.

 

[PreachersWife2004]

MOD HAT ON

Thread has gone through a bit of a cleanup and while I'm here, let me remind you of the rules for posting in the Divorced or Separated forum:

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Divorced or Separated Forum Statement of Purpose

A forum for the support of divorced or separated Christians. This forum is only for those members who are divorced or separated. All of the site wide rules of Christian Forums apply (those rules can be found here).​

I've underlined a key point of the rules. If you have questions, PM me.

MOD HAT OFF
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