Support for Joyful11

[Canuk]

Cory, love the fact that your church is stepping out with accountability groups. Hope more will follow.

T - More are following. The church which runs my recovery meetings (that's a big step up right there, isn't it?) also runs 'Iron Man Groups' which is simply focused on bringing men into community with each other for the purposes of accountability, growth, & friendship.

I have talked with a number of men in my church and we are looking at doing something very similar. Masculinity is bestowed by masculinity...if we don't have real authentic relationships with other men, how will we ever learn to be "men" ourselves?

 

[tp65]

I have talked with a number of men in my church and we are looking at doing something very similar. Masculinity is bestowed by masculinity...if we don't have real authentic relationships with other men, how will we ever learn to be "men" ourselves?

Excellent points! Glad to hear that guys are stepping up. I do think the church has become feminized (is that a word?), but how do we make it more of what men need if men aren't involved? Sure, we women have ideas (tons of them), but that is part of the problem...women trying to give men what they need when in this case, only men can give it to other men. Don't know if that makes sense, it did in my head.

 

[cory533]

Our assistant pastor gave a talk a little over a year ago at our monthly men's breakfast. The nugget many of us walked away with was that " the Church is only as strong as her men" We have taken that as a challenge to step up and disciple each other and build a core group of men in the church. ( this is not to say anything negative about the women we are just focusing this particular effort on the men)

 

[Romanseight2005]

Joyful11,
I just wanted to send you some flowers!

 

[joyful11]

Thanks sweet girl!! Week 2 has been harder for me than week 1, so I needed these.

 

[Romanseight2005]

Thanks sweet girl!! Week 2 has been harder for me than week 1, so I needed these.

Hugs! Is there a particular way that we can pray for you?

 

[joyful11]

Yes, I found out that the physical part of the relationship went on the whole time...he lied to me. I feel really stupid and betrayed. Knowing that he knew how much I was struggling and kept it up anyway is really hard for me. I know this is addiction...but I can't get past feeling like how could he love me and do this. Also, I've very worried that she could be pregnant. The chance is minimal, but still possible...without getting too graphic. Since he admitted about the physical part being the whole time, my issues have gone from trust to being consumed with details and pictures of them together. I'm not sure if I should block images out of my mind and try to ignore them, or if it's ok to think about them and grieve them. I'm not sure. I think I'm getting attacked spiritually and I need to be resisting the enemy more. Thanks for continuing to pray. I really love you all.

 

[Romanseight2005]

Oh Joyful11! I am sorry!I am going to pray that the Lord directs your steps. My gut instinct about the images, is to tell you to get them out of your head because I think they will haunt, not help. Nevertheless, you may need to take each thing M has done with her and give it to the Lord. I don't think this requires visual imagery though, and in fact I will pray that as you forgive these offenses, you are not attacked by the enemy to dwell on them at all. I am so sorry to hear this, but it does show that trusting M should come slowly.

 

[Romanseight2005]

One more thing. I think grieving the betrayal from your husband is something that you will need to do, but, general betrayals, not specific images. Those will destroy you. Anyway, I am praying and I just want to encourage you to keep giving it all to God.

 

[tp65]

J, I am sorry. I agree with R8, including the trusting slowly part. I will also pray that she is not pregnant. I am so sorry. T
I hate to bring this up, but you did get tested after finding out about them, didn't you?

 

[cory533]

my vote is to try to get rid of the images as they come up.When I went though this I found myself obsessed with this kind of cr... er, stuff. It was never helpful to go there it was kind of addictive and when I let it go too long I used it to justify my own bad behavior. (not that I am justified except by the blood) God told me to give the obsessive, need to know, can't trust, snooping for evidence, bad visualizations...etc Then healing began. prior to that I found I was becoming codependant needing her to misbehave. Since I gave all that nonsense to God there has been real healing in our relationship. Of course we have a long way to go.

 

[joyful11]

Thanks for the advice. We've both been tested and everything came out negative, although our Dr. said M should get tested 6 months after the last contact to be sure he hasn't contacted HIV. I'm not concerned about me because I haven't been with him unprotected since he's been with her unprotected.

 

[GoNoles]

My advice on the images and negative feelings is not to try to stop thinking about them, because that's impossible. When they come, just redirect them to Christ... ask Him to replace them with His thoughts.

This "concept" is described in Restoring the Christian Soul by Leanne Payne. This book was invaluable to me as I was recovering.

 

[joyful11]

Thank you. Thanks for the book recommendation too. Does anyone else have any good book recommendations for M and me right now? We should have a lot of reading time this summer. I might read EHR again and M has EMB. He's reading Waking the Dead now. Let me know if there's any others that we can't pass up.

 

[tp65]

J, I am so glad to hear of the negative readings. Wish I had some helpful books to share but I will continue to pray!

 

[cory533]

My advice on the images and negative feelings is not to try to stop thinking about them, because that's impossible. When they come, just redirect them to Christ... ask Him to replace them with His thoughts.

</p>
Good point I guess I left that out of my post I'm glad you mentioned it.I would recomend Love and Respect by Emerson EggrichsGood book and good video series. I really think it can be a big help in restoring communication to couples. It's one of those venus/mars type books that can really help to see how we damage each other without meaning to.And how to avoid that.I saw the video series first and at first I would laugh at the ridiculess assertions he made about what women are thinking then I saw all the ladies in the room nodding in agreement with him.later I was ashamed at how inconsiderate I had been for years.

 

[Romanseight2005]

How about God's Word? I don't know if you are already doing that, but study the Word and pray together!

 

[Romanseight2005]

Joyful11,
I don't know if you are up to this or not, but we are going to start a book study for Power of a Praying Wife. You are welcome to join us.

 

[pete56]

I know I have not posted for a while, but I wanted to let you know J that I am really pleased in how the Lord has moved M already, and I am still praying for the complete restoration of your marriage.

Remember it is a biblical principle that what the locusts consume the Lord will restore to you double for all you troubles!

Be blessed J.

Pete

 

[Romanseight2005]

I know I have not posted for a while, but I wanted to let you know J that I am really pleased in how the Lord has moved M already, and I am still praying for the complete restoration of your marriage.

Remember it is a biblical principle that what the locusts consume the Lord will restore to you double for all you troubles!

Be blessed J.

Pete

Amen!
Joel 2:24-26

24 And the floors shall be full of wheat, and the fats shall overflow with wine and oil.

25 And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm, and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent among you.

26 And ye shall eat in plenty, and be satisfied, and praise the name of the LORD your God, that hath dealt wondrously with you: and my people shall never be ashamed.
KJV