Support for familes/friends of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD's)

[STARINELSON]

I have recently discovered that three members of my family suffer from BPD. Including my mom. One of my sisters (sis #2) & her daughter also suffer from it.

I just think that because of all the tears we family members (or friends) have cried; we need a support group as well. Just for us.

It's not to bash anyone who suffers; it's to help each other through the range of emotions that occurs with this disease.

I know; I have dealt with *not knowing* for 30+ years. Now that I'm aware of what the problem is; I'm trying to get to the healing process.

God Bless.

 

[madison1101]

Two good books you can look into are

"Stop Walking on Eggshells" and "Understanding the Borderline Mother." My kids have read the Eggshells one, and one of my sons has also read the Borderline Mother one. It helped them.

 

[STARINELSON]

Thanks. I have *Stop walking on Eggshells* on request at the library. I"ll read it before I get brave enough for the other
Right now is a somewhat *peaceful* time....... I'm
taking one day at a time.

 

[srhm0123]

Hi Starinelson,

I agree with you. I recently became aware of bpd traits in a loved one after many years, am looking and KNOW I am in need of a good support group, as well.

I feel like I can understand what you're feeling ( it's draining), hope we find something as we learn to cope with all these ranges of emotions and wish you God's speed in your healing.

Blessings to you.

 

[STARINELSON]

Hi Starinelson,

I agree with you. I recently became aware of bpd traits in a loved one after many years, am looking and KNOW I am in need of a good support group, as well.

I feel like I can understand what you're feeling ( it's draining), hope we find something as we learn to cope with all these ranges of emotions and wish you God's speed in your healing.

Blessings to you.

It is very draining. The best part ( if there is one) for me, is the fact I can *vent* to my older sister.. and she to me. I could NOT do this without her. We both have so many walls built; as I'm sure you know about.... we're both scared to even let go. Although, as I told her.. I don't want to live the rest of my life this way. Living 12 hours from the family members has helped.. distance can be a blessing at times.. just to see things in a different light.

Blessings to you, and if I can EVER help..... message me..... we all need support at times.

 

[psalmreader]

Hi, I am new here, and beleive with all my heart that God lead me here!
I just came out of a relationship with a man with BPD. We were engaged and together for five years. I feel like I have been brainwashed! I never could do anything right, he was always suspicious and jealous and would twist everything around and blame me! I find this a terrible thing to get over. Any suggestions out there?

 

[STARINELSON]

First of all....... NOTHING you ever did would have ever been good enough & it's not your fault.That's the first thing you have to realize; it is an illness & totally beyond YOUR control. I lived with a mom and sister ( and a niece!) with this disease. I KNOW how hard it is I'm still dealing with the issues.
PM me if you want to talk more.

 

[huk]

Theres a HUGE network out there,
www.bpdcentral.com

 

[psalmreader]

Huk suggested a site, and I would advise anyone struggling with this illness or anyone who is a victim of it to RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN TO THIS SITE! It is so enlightening! We al lneed support for things like this, for it affects every part of you. It is devastating to say the least, and only those who suffered the effects of it can understand.

 

[cory533]

I agree the site is good but once it is breached by the person with bpd you are living with it is much less usefull. Also I have found the "Christian" suport groups there sometimes to have a different definition than the ussual one here. Is there a suport forum on this site for family and freinds of those with bpd? I could use fellowship with Born again beleivers that understand what it is to live with someone with bpd.

 

[STARINELSON]

I agree the site is good but once it is breached by the person with bpd you are living with it is much less usefull. Also I have found the "Christian" suport groups there sometimes to have a different definition than the ussual one here. Is there a suport forum on this site for family and freinds of those with bpd? I could use fellowship with Born again beleivers that understand what it is to live with someone with bpd.

I started this thread in hopes of making it a support thread. It hasn't really happened yet; but I grew up with bpd mom, sister and now my niece. Believe me; I know what living with one is like.If you want to chat; I have MSN messenger, or there are other ways you can message me.

 

[cory533]

Thanks Star,
I can use the support. Right now I just covet all your prayers my wife is in a full blown rage and the meds aren't helping.what's more she is pushing me over the edge, my words to her have been most unGodly.
And the cycle turns..
Peace in Christ,
Cory

 

[STARINELSON]

Thanks Star,
I can use the support. Right now I just covet all your prayers my wife is in a full blown rage and the meds aren't helping.what's more she is pushing me over the edge, my words to her have been most unGodly.
And the cycle turns..
Peace in Christ,
Cory

Sometimes,, it is very hard not to lose control. *Walking on eggshells* lol
I have found a supportive forum, if you're interested. No, it's not Christian, but they do deal with BPD on a daily basis; just as you do. It's easier for me since I moved 12 hours away;but, it does still affect me & I will always bear the scars, I'm afraid. One phone call with my mom can reduce me to a two year old again.

Let me know if you want the link to the other forum.
God Bless!

 

[JeanR]

I believe that my daughter has bpd. I say "believe" because she has not been formally diagnosed. She does not stay with a therapist long enough for the therapist to get a handle on her situation. She was diagnosed as bipolar, but, quite frankly, the therapist did not see her long enough to really diagnose her problem. She feels that the therapists are "stupid" and refuses to return and just jumps from therapist to therapist.

We have been through so much with her. She is now 28 years old. My husband (her dad) recently passed away and she has now turned on me. She refuses to speak to me or her siblings. She moved out, but now wants to come home. The only one who seemed able to control her was her father and with him gone, she is out of control.

 

[STARINELSON]

I am so sorry about your husband.
I know what you're going through with your daughter, though. My niece is 29 and she is constantly causing drama in the family. Noone, but, noone can control her and, according to her, she *has* to have the last word.
For your own sake, and I know this is hard, but, she doesn't need to come home. You don't need that for your own sanity. I couldn't imagine turning my back on my child, but I know from experience, in cases of BPD, there isn't anything you can do to make it better. There is nothing that anyone can do, your daughter, at this point, is in charge of her own life. She probably does need to be medicated.But, she would have to do that herself.You can't.
My heart goes out to you, and I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[cory533]

Jean, if you can get any input into what councilor your DD sees. try to find one that has experience with BPD and is willing to take it on. Many will either not take a bpd or not recognize the problem. If you have trouble there try someone with drug counseling experience. Persons with bpd are notorious for lying to their councilors and thinking them stupid for not catching on.My DW burned through several councilors before the current one who has dealt with BPD for 20 years she isn't fooled she calls her on the bologna. And my wife respects that. She is also a Christian but leaves that out of the sessions.(good thing cause my DW would walk out at this point) The drug councilor Idea is just that they are also used to having to deal with clients trying to feed them a line and may have more experience with BPD as it often pairs with addictive behavior. good luck.
may you be blessed with the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ,
Cory

 

[4everfalling]

wow...I guess I understand a little more what this is doing to people I love....no wonder they have all given up on me...

I came in here cause I was curious about how people involved with someone with BPD are affected...This thread isn't for me I know..but like I said...I don't take any of this personal in case you were worried....I am glad you have people in your life to help you...Just frustrates me is all...to know what my life must be doing to my family and other people I care about...

Have a good day...

 

[STARINELSON]

Honey, I just hope you're getting all the help you need.It's just as terrible for someone who has it as it is for their loved ones.




On a side note; I asked a phsyciatrist for some information about genetics. Just because I tend to worry lol

Here is his response:


Dear Ms. Nelson:

There is good evidence that borderline disorder most often has a genetic predisposition. The mode of genetic transmission is a little complex. If you would like to read about it, I have attempted to describe it in detail in my book, Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified.

To answer your question briefly, if members of your family do have borderline disorder, it is possible that you carry a few genes that increase the risk of developing the disorder. Fortunately, if you do carry such genes, it seems that you do not have enough of them, or are they of insufficient severity for you to be symptomatic. Given our best current understanding, in order for your son to be at significant risk for developing the disorder, he would need to have inherited those genes, and your husband would also have to have passed on a few such genes himself.

I hope that this helps.

Sincerely,
Dr. Friedel

 

[cory533]

4ever,
remember when you look at pages like this we are not writing about the good days we don't need help with them.And yes somedays it can be rough but hey it's never boring.
I can only speak for myself but I wouldn't change a day of my life if I could. It's all part of who I am now and I like who I am. starting again in a new life there are decisions I would make different (no pot,get the education etc) But if I changed this life I might not have my kids and though she can definitely be a pain I like my wife and I love her. She is worth it.
Cory

 

[JoshuaM]

is there a lot of brothers here with friends or family with BPD?