Well, yesterday was a lovely day in the UK. The weather was gorgeous. I decided to brave it and wear a T-shirt. I wore my wrist band, as always, which covers up the worst part of my scarring. But there are still visible scars that go further up my arm, mostly old ones, but a couple of bad old ones and one newer one.
I got some make up and tried to cover over the scars that were visible. I figured I would have some faith in the human race and hope that they wouldn't notice, or at least wouldn't make any comments which put me on the spot.
I was sat playing my guitar with my boyfriend when my friend came over. We hadn't been sat there long, when he said to me outright and pretty loudly:
"Claire, have you been cutting yourself?"
He said it in the most business like of tones, he just asked me straight out. I mean for goodness sake, what does he expect me to say? My only possible answers were:
"Yes, my life sucks and I hate myself. Now you know what a complete failure I am."
or
"No." Which would be a blatant lie.
So I opted for the lie and just mumbled "no" and kept on playing guitar. It's not even like he asked it in a concerned manner. It was so matter-of-fact. What did he expect me to say? And this guy is a Christian.
Later on in the day, my sister wanted to look at the bruise I had on the back of my arm by my shoulder (I went paintballing ) and I could see her looking suspiciously at my arm. I might have been being paranoid, but I just could NOT handle her asking any questions. So I just quickly stuck on a jacket and started talking to someone else.
I don't know if I can handle this all summer. I'm in counselling at the moment and am currently working on recovery. I've made the biggest steps that I've ever made towards beating this, but it's still SO hard and a daily battle. How am I supposed to succeed if every ten seconds I'm interrogated about the state of my arm? What if people notice like my parents? Or if my sister did notice yesterday, what if she tells them? That is a pressure that I just could not handle. I would not deal with that well at ALL.
I suppose the point of this post is mainly for a question. What should I say to people who ask? This seems inevitable since yesterday was the first time I've worn short sleeves around friends, and I already got one person asking questions...
Also, another question, will you be wearing short sleeves/shorts/whatever this summer? What will you say to people who question your scars? Or will you hide them under clothing?
I so love summer. But I'm scared that the whole summer is going to be ruined because I'll be constantly worried about people staring at my arms and making dumb comments.
I got some make up and tried to cover over the scars that were visible. I figured I would have some faith in the human race and hope that they wouldn't notice, or at least wouldn't make any comments which put me on the spot.
I was sat playing my guitar with my boyfriend when my friend came over. We hadn't been sat there long, when he said to me outright and pretty loudly:
"Claire, have you been cutting yourself?"
He said it in the most business like of tones, he just asked me straight out. I mean for goodness sake, what does he expect me to say? My only possible answers were:
"Yes, my life sucks and I hate myself. Now you know what a complete failure I am."
or
"No." Which would be a blatant lie.
So I opted for the lie and just mumbled "no" and kept on playing guitar. It's not even like he asked it in a concerned manner. It was so matter-of-fact. What did he expect me to say? And this guy is a Christian.
Later on in the day, my sister wanted to look at the bruise I had on the back of my arm by my shoulder (I went paintballing
) and I could see her looking suspiciously at my arm. I might have been being paranoid, but I just could NOT handle her asking any questions. So I just quickly stuck on a jacket and started talking to someone else.I don't know if I can handle this all summer. I'm in counselling at the moment and am currently working on recovery. I've made the biggest steps that I've ever made towards beating this, but it's still SO hard and a daily battle. How am I supposed to succeed if every ten seconds I'm interrogated about the state of my arm? What if people notice like my parents? Or if my sister did notice yesterday, what if she tells them? That is a pressure that I just could not handle. I would not deal with that well at ALL.
I suppose the point of this post is mainly for a question. What should I say to people who ask? This seems inevitable since yesterday was the first time I've worn short sleeves around friends, and I already got one person asking questions...
Also, another question, will you be wearing short sleeves/shorts/whatever this summer? What will you say to people who question your scars? Or will you hide them under clothing?
I so love summer. But I'm scared that the whole summer is going to be ruined because I'll be constantly worried about people staring at my arms and making dumb comments.
my scars are small and up to several reminding inches. 
