Summer Feels Empty Without Him

[Netbug009]

Every summer before he died in Novemer, Dad would takre me with him in his truck and we'd go all over the place. No wonder summer feels so boring this year.

Father's Day stunk too. Not only is it annoying in the sense that if you don't have a dad you're a total outcast, but also because if I recall right the day I gave dad his Father's Day card last year was the day the doctor called with bad news about that tumor. Inhabited this year on Father's Day released a song called "A Song To the Fatherless". It's my favorite song now but at the same tme it makes me cry.

It's not fair. I still don't understand. I'm not ANGRY at God. not at all, just confused. Why now? Dad never got to even see me graduate, and he will never give whoever my first date is the "anything you do to her I do to you" speech like he said he was gonna do.

Dad understood me better than anybody too. I love my mom and all, but our connection just isn't the same as me and Dad's was.

I want him back so bad. I just don't understand why God did this. I had total faith that he was gonna get better. I really did. I beleived that after all the crud I'd been through God wouldn't let any more bad stuff happen to me. It's like I never catch a break. But he just kept getting worse and worse, and then went into the hospice. And November 11th the amount of pain he was in and how sick he looked got to me and I went to the bathroom and just prayed "God, if you're not going to heal him, just take him now." He died at 4pm that day. Would he have lived if I hadn't prayed that? Did God punish me for my impatience? I wish I was one of those super faith Christians that had no doubt and could raise somebody from the dead like it was nothing. I wish I had the strength to just say "be healed" and watched the reast of his body and soul magically come back from the cremated ashes. Or at least I wish I knew somebody who could do that. By the power of the holy spirit I mean, I refuse to resort to witchcraft when it comes to this issue. Dad wouldn't want that.

Life just feels like a bad dream I'm gonna wake up from when I think about this kinda thing. All that I have left is some of his stuff. I read from his Bible now.

I just don't understand WHY?! WHY WHY WHY?! WHY HIM?! HE HAD JUST BEEN SAVED IN JANUARY!! HE CoULD HAVE DONE SOME AMAZING THINGS FOR THE WORLD! Was he even doing God's will? Wat if he didn't make it to heaven?! If he didn't I don't know how I'm going to cope. I WANT MY DAD BACK.

 

[Petunia]

Sickness, tradgedy and death are the result of a fallen world. This is where we live right now. So bad things happen here. We can always ask the Lord to protect or heal us.. and He may do it. But those things aren't promised to us in this world. Only in the next world.

Jesus said "in this world.. you will have sufferings, but take heart, for I have overcome the world."

You prayed out of the love and compassion of your heart for your dad. He was suffering so much. For those suffering, death can be a release from the suffering. But you should also know that death is not the end of existence.

Your dad still has the same personality he had in this earthly realm. And he still knows you.. and still loves you. You will see him again. It may feel like you've lost him forever.. but when you do see him again, it will be like you just saw him a few minutes ago.

Write a letter to your dad, and tell him you miss him and that you love him. Tell him everything that is on your heart. After you've written it.. put it away someplace and ask the angels to deliver the message to your dad.

I believe they will.

 

[Netbug009]

Thank you. I'll try that. *hugs*

 

[peacechild4]

My heart goes out to you..

It is okay to feel these emotions they are part of the grieving process but God is there with you to take them from you.. Continue to tell God how you feel as you pray.. and let Him take your pain.. and any other emotions you feel..

God really does help us deal with grief and that is how we can trust Him with all we don't understand.. and although we always remember and miss them.. God can help us through every dark valley we must walk..

I found a book online about Heaven that might help you.. by Mary K Baxter.. I think when we can look at what happens after death.. it encourages us to find peace till we meet with our loved ones again.. Because your father would want you to go on with your life and be all that you could be here on earth!! He would know that you would miss him.. but he would want you to know that heaven is so beautiful and perfect and want you to go on and do all you can for the Lord before you go there yourself!!

I really think this book would encourage you.. to see that there really is so much more to all this then just our short lives here on earth.. It would be devastating if we just lived and died in pain and didn't live a full life here and that was all there was.. BUT because there is such a thing as eternal life.. and God has a plan and there is a heaven for those who find Gods plan!! We can look forward with hope no matter what happens here..

God bless you.. Look to God.. He will help you and be with you every single moment you miss your Dad!!

http://www.spiritlessons.com/a_divine_revelation_of_heaven.htm

 

[rushingwind62]

I know just how you feel. I lost my dad on March 11, 2003. Like you I seen my dad suffer and told God the same thing you did. He took him the same day as well. Just remember all the things your dad taught you and you'll make him proud. I know there is always that question after someone dies...."Why"....the only answer is it is something we all have to endure. Death is not an easy thing to accept or deal with. And the older one gets the more they have to deal with it. What matters is the time we spend with those loved ones when they are alive. I remember everyday the times I spent with my dad and by doing so he stay alive in my memories. To this day I still apply things to my life that he taught me and I find myself becoming more and more like him in many ways.
Hang in there and keep seeking God's comfort....God Bless You

 

[ladyt28]

First off hon, I am So Sorry for your loss! This is such a hard thing to deal with but, praise God, you are not alone. Jesus promised us the Holy Spirit and called him the 'comforter' - I pray to Him daily for the strength and understanding in understanding my own losses. Be the wonderful daughter that he raised you to be - that is the best tribute you can give him. And yes, your Dad WILL be with you on graduation day and the day you get married - you just won't be able to physically see him but I bet you will feel his spirit as he is a part of you. I know you said you don't have the same kind of relationship with your mom but please don't forget to be kind and loving to her - this is the woman that your dad loved enough to marry and her heart is broken too. I am proud of the way you express yourself and want to thank you for allowing us the chance to be here with you. Keep us posted, ok?

 

[Netbug009]

Thanks guys. *hugs you all*