Suicide

[melly611]

There is something terribly wrong with both my husband and myself. To make a long story short, due to his drinking, we lost our home, both of our cars, he lost his job temporarily for about 5 months, then we lost another home and my so called "friends" were like vultures when we moved out, taking what they wanted that belonged to us, stealing from us, etc. So now, what once was, I have a son and a daughter from a previous marriage, and he has a daughter by a previous one, and I have 2 beautiful grandsons, and none of these kids want anything to do with us because we're down and out. He has stopped drinking because of all of this, thank you Jesus for that, BUT, we are living in a motel room, have been since December. Last November, he was arrested, and I was in my hometown, no legal tags on our new car, and he got arrested and extradited back to OK. I lived in the streets for 6 weeks during a blizzard, and not one of my friends wanted to be bothered with me. I take pain killlers for bone spurs on my spine and my so called "friends" stole all of them, I didn't have any money, no place to sleep, (I slept in the cemetery in a very cold car). I did go to the Salvation Army and all they would do is give me 6 heart pills and a voucher for a meal at McDonald's. And there's so much more that's happened, but I would have to write a novel to tell it all. We are slowly getting back on our feet, and he is back at work, but all I do all day long is sit on a bed. I have no friends, no family, nobody. All I want to do is sleep, sleep, sleep, and on the weekends, that's all he wants to do. Is that normal if you're depressed? I feel so bad, and now I have myself convinced I have a brain tumor, even though I just had a CT scan and an MRI done 1 year ago, I'm obsessed with that thought. Now I'm seriously considering suicide. Do you think that God forgives those who commit suicide, when life is so unbearable and you can't even see light at the end of the tunnel? When you're all alone and nobody cares? Because if I find out that He does, the I'm going to do it.

Melanie

 

[GryffinSong]

Oh, Melanie, please don't give up. Where there's life there's hope, and it does take time to dig yourself out of so many problems. You say that you're starting to get things back together. Things will get better. It takes time to rebuild. But if you kill yourself, your husband will feel devastated. And you will have given up the chance to get better. I have a different belief system than you do, but I've always heard that suicide is a sin. I believe that it is a terrible thing, because of what it does to all around you.

Please, please get help. Any help you can find. But NO thoughts of death please. There are free suicide help lines you can call. I think there are numbers on this site.

My thoughts and hopes are with you in this difficult time.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

God allows you to suffer to just about your breaking point for he knows you better than you know yourself. You can look at everything and say I been so miserible that I just want to die. Reality you been thru so much that you are very strong, you just don't know it.

First you have to get your mind off death, suicide is NOT an option. Also you have to let go of thoughts about that tumor, until you have hard proof there is no reason to let it depress you.

Melanie, I want you to grab ahold of that small thread of reason thought and never let it go. That and your spirit will help you survive the tidal waves of negitive thoughts in your mind. It will challenge the negitive thoughts and over time try to convince you that it is not as horrible as it seems.

Spirit was introduced to me when did self study on selfcontrol. (Galatians 5:16-26)

"25 Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. "
"16 So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives."
" 22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control."

It is a very hard to hear voice in my mind. Sometimes it rises to the occation, but for most part it is ignored. I turned my spirit into my personal foreman to give me guidance in difficult times or confusion. I think it is what we call our conquence now of days, a strong sense of responcibility, true, and reason.

Try to meditate, in all the screaming the sinful nature is doing. There is a whisper like voice in your mind, it will be total opposite of the screams. Learn to focus on it and grab ahold of it. When in times of doubt or looking to know what is the right way, it will guide you.

 

[TrueHope]

There is something terribly wrong with both my husband and myself. To make a long story short, due to his drinking, we lost our home, both of our cars, he lost his job temporarily for about 5 months, then we lost another home and my so called "friends" were like vultures when we moved out, taking what they wanted that belonged to us, stealing from us, etc. So now, what once was, I have a son and a daughter from a previous marriage, and he has a daughter by a previous one, and I have 2 beautiful grandsons, and none of these kids want anything to do with us because we're down and out. He has stopped drinking because of all of this, thank you Jesus for that, BUT, we are living in a motel room, have been since December. Last November, he was arrested, and I was in my hometown, no legal tags on our new car, and he got arrested and extradited back to OK. I lived in the streets for 6 weeks during a blizzard, and not one of my friends wanted to be bothered with me. I take pain killlers for bone spurs on my spine and my so called "friends" stole all of them, I didn't have any money, no place to sleep, (I slept in the cemetery in a very cold car). I did go to the Salvation Army and all they would do is give me 6 heart pills and a voucher for a meal at McDonald's. And there's so much more that's happened, but I would have to write a novel to tell it all. We are slowly getting back on our feet, and he is back at work, but all I do all day long is sit on a bed. I have no friends, no family, nobody. All I want to do is sleep, sleep, sleep, and on the weekends, that's all he wants to do. Is that normal if you're depressed? I feel so bad, and now I have myself convinced I have a brain tumor, even though I just had a CT scan and an MRI done 1 year ago, I'm obsessed with that thought. Now I'm seriously considering suicide. Do you think that God forgives those who commit suicide, when life is so unbearable and you can't even see light at the end of the tunnel? When you're all alone and nobody cares? Because if I find out that He does, the I'm going to do it.

Melanie

Oh Melanie.....I swear on my life, if I were home...In the states...I'd drive to where you are and pick you up and take you out....lift you up....give you what ever I have that you need...HELP!

Believe me, I know down and out....I also know from many, many homeless men and women that I aided on the streets so many stories....so many much like yours. And there is ALWAYS HOPE!

Believe me...when we are so down, the Lord Carries us. We may not feel it...but He does!

Please don't think suicide. It is so hard often not to think it....I too get to those points! But it is thoughts only....more....."I can't anymore...take me or I have to take myself" Yet I get up every day.
And still can survive....SO CAN YOU!

I believe in You! Christ believes in You! Remember Foot Prints in the Sand.....It is so inspirational.

In all of your hardship, you are learning so much. Who you CAN depend on and who you CAN NOT. Christ is the ONLY one you can! He Loves You! He adores you! His heart bleeds for your pain! But in this you will GAIN so much! And you will be a winner! That is a promise! It seems like it will never happen, but it will!!!!!

I am sending you HUGE cyber hugs from Greece. I really do wish I were there to aid you in your hurts. Only words I can give right now.

God Bless you and stay strong!

 

[JoshuaM]

i have known people and myself been through suicidal thoughts in the past. I know somebody who did it. It is traumatic to all those people who care. Sometimes people you don't know cared may come out of the woodwork. If you are having trouble getting out of the house, please try watching sermons and Christian programs if you can at the motel. Keep reading your bible, no matter how hard it is. Keep telling God how you feel, ask him to help you let go of the thoughts of death and a tumor so you can endure this hard time. Also there are audio bibles online. One is at http://biblegateway.com if you click on I believe it says "other resources"

A lot of people also cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have been struggling with depression and sometimes wonder about my future. But I know it is in God's hands and He is faithful to those who are faithful to Him. Ask Him to help you trust Him.

 

[Mask]

Oh Melanie, I'm so sorry that you've had to go through so much garbage in your life! Please don't give up now...you are on the up side of all of that stuff! Things will get better! I pray that God would heal the hurts in your heart, that He would send you real friends, people to love and support you, that He would give you wisdom to make the right decisions about your financial situation, but most of all, He would fill you with His great love for you and give you peace that passes all understanding !
Sending you big and prayers .

 

[hopebox1982]

Melanie

Listen, you dont want to kill yourself. You got on here for help maybe a last cry for help but it was for help. I live in the same state you do. Do me a favor. Call 911 right now and tell them what you told us. It will save your life. They will send someone to help you. If you can't do that for some reason email me through here and I will reply with my phone number. I can get you some help. God loves you but there is a reason and a purpose for everything. read Job his life was so unbareable but he kept his eye on the prize. You have a purpose and if you kill yourself your purpose may go unfullfilled. This idea that is running in your head it's because Satan knows how strong of an influence you can be to others who don't know God or can't make the the choice because they are too weak from the struggle. If you off yourself Satan has won. Please PLEASE call 911 and tell them what you are feeling.

 

[melly611]

See, I've never been through depression before. I've been checked out physically and other than a few small problems, I'm fine there. So they say I'm depressed. Well, I didn't know that depression could cause a person to feel like I do. Tired all the time, so I sleep much of the day, weak legs from sitting on a bed all day long. I used to be a real bubbly, energetic person and now I feel like my life is over anyway, that I'll never feel good again, so why bother. And the stuff I told you before, ha, that's just a drop in the bucket compared to what I'm going through. My brother, whom I adore, told me he wishes I would die and go to hell, just because his wife stole 2 pictures of Jesus from me, one my deceased Grandmother gave me and the other my deceased Mother gave me. So I confronted her with it and asked for them back and he went off on me, even though if it weren't for me there would've been many times in the '70's early '80's that he wouldn't have had a place to live because he was driving my Mother and Dad crazy with his drinking and drug abuse. My sister has told me she wants me to die too, I miss my grandsons, and I've been told by my son, that since we don't have the money to spend on his family that we used to, we're not welcome at his home. I won't bore you any further with what all is going on, but I don't want to live anymore, I just want my life back the way it was, I want people to quit hurting me. I don't do that to others, why do they have to hurt my husband and me?
If I call 911 here, they'll swarm this place and lock me up. I just need somebody to talk to. It's hard to be alone all day long, 24/7 with nobody. My husband comes home from work and is asleep in 30 minutes and sleeps in his clothes till time to get up and get out of them and go to bed for the night. And there are times when I feel like I'm dying, physically.
I'm rambling now, but it feels good to vent. I haven't vented in a long, long time. If you guys knew the rest of the story, I think you'd understand why I want to die, simply so I won't have to hurt and go through so much hell ever again.

Melanie

 

[TrueHope]

See, I've never been through depression before. I've been checked out physically and other than a few small problems, I'm fine there. So they say I'm depressed. Well, I didn't know that depression could cause a person to feel like I do. Tired all the time, so I sleep much of the day, weak legs from sitting on a bed all day long. I used to be a real bubbly, energetic person and now I feel like my life is over anyway, that I'll never feel good again, so why bother. And the stuff I told you before, ha, that's just a drop in the bucket compared to what I'm going through. My brother, whom I adore, told me he wishes I would die and go to hell, just because his wife stole 2 pictures of Jesus from me, one my deceased Grandmother gave me and the other my deceased Mother gave me. So I confronted her with it and asked for them back and he went off on me, even though if it weren't for me there would've been many times in the '70's early '80's that he wouldn't have had a place to live because he was driving my Mother and Dad crazy with his drinking and drug abuse. My sister has told me she wants me to die too, I miss my grandsons, and I've been told by my son, that since we don't have the money to spend on his family that we used to, we're not welcome at his home. I won't bore you any further with what all is going on, but I don't want to live anymore, I just want my life back the way it was, I want people to quit hurting me. I don't do that to others, why do they have to hurt my husband and me?
If I call 911 here, they'll swarm this place and lock me up. I just need somebody to talk to. It's hard to be alone all day long, 24/7 with nobody. My husband comes home from work and is asleep in 30 minutes and sleeps in his clothes till time to get up and get out of them and go to bed for the night. And there are times when I feel like I'm dying, physically.
I'm rambling now, but it feels good to vent. I haven't vented in a long, long time. If you guys knew the rest of the story, I think you'd understand why I want to die, simply so I won't have to hurt and go through so much hell ever again.

Melanie

Melanie....I support you! If you need to vent, PM me....I will give you my email! You need a friend and someone who listens and can take your tears! Our Lord will not abandon you! He hears You...He really does! I know you feel so down and out right now...and I am so sad to hear how your family is. The rebellious spirit that is swallowing the planet is fierce. Stealing pictures of Christ....wow. I won't even go there!

Seriously, PM me!

Not only have I felt like you, but I have also worked in a field where I had to deal with this type of thoughts regularly. You are overwhelmed. That's ok.

I suggest getting on your knees and crying it ALL out to our Lord!!!!! ALL OF IT...the good, the BAD, the anger.....Everything!

Try to find a church near by that you can go and talk to the Minister or Pastor there. Trust me, someone is around the corner waiting for you....you just need to find them.

My husband sounds like yours regarding the clothes/after work thing....ugh! Know that feeling!

Honey...You are a survivor!!!!! And you always WILL BE!!!!!!!


Huge Hugs!!!!!

 

[melly611]

............that all this has been building up with me since I lost my Mother in 1999. She died of cancer and I quit my job to take care of her because she wanted to die at home. I had no help from either my brother or my sister and my Dad was still working, so I did that alone. I'm sure there are those of you who have seen someone die of that disease, it's not easy to watch, especially when it's a loved one. Then I married a man who turned out to be nothing short of a maniac, then, my Dad died suddenly, and neither of my parents were old. Dad's "angel" date is coming up the 27th of this month. Then, within a year, I lost 3 great friends, 2 of whom I had once dated and was serious about and one was like a brother to me. The 2 that I dated were both murdered by ex-girlfriends and my "brother" was killed in a car wreck. I stayed close to David's family(one who was murdered) and I got close to Steve's family (the other who was murdered). So I don't know if there's some grief that I'm suppressing or not. I never talk to anybody about any of it.

Melanie

 

[TrueHope]

YOU'VE GOT MAIL!

 

[AWorkInProgress]

See, I've never been through depression before. I've been checked out physically and other than a few small problems, I'm fine there. So they say I'm depressed. Well, I didn't know that depression could cause a person to feel like I do. Tired all the time, so I sleep much of the day, weak legs from sitting on a bed all day long. I used to be a real bubbly, energetic person and now I feel like my life is over anyway, that I'll never feel good again, so why bother. And the stuff I told you before, ha, that's just a drop in the bucket compared to what I'm going through. My brother, whom I adore, told me he wishes I would die and go to hell, just because his wife stole 2 pictures of Jesus from me, one my deceased Grandmother gave me and the other my deceased Mother gave me. So I confronted her with it and asked for them back and he went off on me, even though if it weren't for me there would've been many times in the '70's early '80's that he wouldn't have had a place to live because he was driving my Mother and Dad crazy with his drinking and drug abuse. My sister has told me she wants me to die too, I miss my grandsons, and I've been told by my son, that since we don't have the money to spend on his family that we used to, we're not welcome at his home. I won't bore you any further with what all is going on, but I don't want to live anymore, I just want my life back the way it was, I want people to quit hurting me. I don't do that to others, why do they have to hurt my husband and me?
If I call 911 here, they'll swarm this place and lock me up. I just need somebody to talk to. It's hard to be alone all day long, 24/7 with nobody. My husband comes home from work and is asleep in 30 minutes and sleeps in his clothes till time to get up and get out of them and go to bed for the night. And there are times when I feel like I'm dying, physically.
I'm rambling now, but it feels good to vent. I haven't vented in a long, long time. If you guys knew the rest of the story, I think you'd understand why I want to die, simply so I won't have to hurt and go through so much hell ever again.

Melanie

If you dwell on all that pain, of course you are going to want to end it all. I know it is easy for me to just say this, but you have to learn how to let go of all that pain.

Venting is healthy, as long you don't rip anyone appart feel free to do as much as you want. We are humans and we can not ignore our human side. We all have problems and it is good to express ourselves, just make sure we don't get stuck in the pain thou.

Let's start simple, what is depression.

a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.

negative altitude

Ok now depression is step that leads you to suicidal thought, which you are already there. Bible talks about this some, I always look at these passages.

Luke 8:30-33


30 Jesus demanded, “What is your name?”
“Legion,” he replied, for he was filled with many demons. 31 The demons kept begging Jesus not to send them into the bottomless pit.[a]
32 There happened to be a large herd of pigs feeding on the hillside nearby, and the demons begged him to let them enter into the pigs. So Jesus gave them permission. 33 Then the demons came out of the man and entered the pigs, and the entire herd plunged down the steep hillside into the lake and drowned.

Proverbs 15:13
A glad heart makes a happy face;
a broken heart crushes the spirit.

Proverbs 18:14
The human spirit can endure a sick body,
but who can bear a crushed spirit?

Ultimately all that negitivity has crushed your spirit and your sinful nature is trying to convince you that you should "drown".

This is where your faith and hope in God and our Lord Jesus gives you a ray of hope to pull out of the jaws of death. You know that you are a wonderful person, just lost grip with it thru all the garbage satan and sinful nature thrown at you. Now is not the time to give them victory, now is the time to pray to God to help you. It is the time to seek his wisdom and learn how to defeat your enemies. You can have a victorious life, but it is up to you if you will grab what is infront of you.

Without faith, bible is just bunch of funny looking words. When you open your eyes to the abundance of wisdom in there... well Jesus said it best.

Luke 6:46-49
Building on a Solid Foundation

46 “So why do you keep calling me ‘Lord, Lord!’ when you don’t do what I say? 47 I will show you what it’s like when someone comes to me, listens to my teaching, and then follows it. 48 It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against that house, it stands firm because it is well built. 49 But anyone who hears and doesn’t obey is like a person who builds a house without a foundation. When the floods sweep down against that house, it will collapse into a heap of ruins.”

I am well over my depression, struggling from my other problems. I just want to tell you it is all about what is going on in the mind. Evil has convinced you that you are weak and can't handle it anymore. Reality you are strong, but you do not believe it. The bible will teach you how to believe in yourself, one step at a time.

Deny your enemies victory my sister, I know you can do it.

EDIT:

One last thing, you look at your body and use that as measure stick on your overall health. This is a false indicator and here is why. We talk about the trinity (God, Jesus, Holy Spirit) well we have our own trinity within us. The Spirit(Freewill), the mind, and the body all together makes one being yet each part is different and unique. The Spirit(freewill) controls the mind, the mind controls the body. Each one reacts to it's controller, since your spirit is crushed, so your mind is, and so the body before you is. If you strengthen your spirit and take the controls away from the mind, then the rest of your trinity will respond. I hope I am making sense to you. Strong spirit is more powerful than any failing body.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10

7 even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.
8 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. 9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

 

[hopebox1982]

............that all this has been building up with me since I lost my Mother in 1999. She died of cancer and I quit my job to take care of her because she wanted to die at home. I had no help from either my brother or my sister and my Dad was still working, so I did that alone. I'm sure there are those of you who have seen someone die of that disease, it's not easy to watch, especially when it's a loved one. Then I married a man who turned out to be nothing short of a maniac, then, my Dad died suddenly, and neither of my parents were old. Dad's "angel" date is coming up the 27th of this month. Then, within a year, I lost 3 great friends, 2 of whom I had once dated and was serious about and one was like a brother to me. The 2 that I dated were both murdered by ex-girlfriends and my "brother" was killed in a car wreck. I stayed close to David's family(one who was murdered) and I got close to Steve's family (the other who was murdered). So I don't know if there's some grief that I'm suppressing or not. I never talk to anybody about any of it.

Melanie

Depression in any case whether it i due to mental illness or death of a loved one is very serious. The reason why is because it causes you to think thoughts that you don't normally think. It makes you make choices out of fear instead of out of logic. My Dad tried to commit suicide. Before he tried to comment suicide he kepts saying things that he wanted to comment suicide. My Dad never really wanted to kill himself all he wanted was attention. Here is the thing, one day he got it into his head that he was going to off himself and he tried it. Luckly they found him and the medication he took just knocked him out for a long time. If they even took you which believe me they don't always take you and lock you up like most believe but if they did you would go to Fort Supply most likely. You are not lock up there. You are given a room to stay and 24 hour cousiling Please consider this. If not atleast call 1.800.SUICIDE. It's a national hope line and it will do you alot of good. Not to be little anyone on this forum but in most cases we are not trained professionals to help. We can give adivise, hope for the best and be on our way. If you call that number just by talking to you they will be able to determind what will be the best help for you. Please please I beg you to consider this. You may not think this is a big deal or that we are judging you and so you have to make it sound like it's not a big deal. And this is for everyone if at any point you think I want to kill myself or I want to die you should always seek help.

 

[treat]

See, I've never been through depression before. I've been checked out physically and other than a few small problems, I'm fine there. So they say I'm depressed. Well, I didn't know that depression could cause a person to feel like I do. Tired all the time, so I sleep much of the day, weak legs from sitting on a bed all day long. I used to be a real bubbly, energetic person and now I feel like my life is over anyway, that I'll never feel good again, so why bother. And the stuff I told you before, ha, that's just a drop in the bucket compared to what I'm going through. My brother, whom I adore, told me he wishes I would die and go to hell, just because his wife stole 2 pictures of Jesus from me, one my deceased Grandmother gave me and the other my deceased Mother gave me. So I confronted her with it and asked for them back and he went off on me, even though if it weren't for me there would've been many times in the '70's early '80's that he wouldn't have had a place to live because he was driving my Mother and Dad crazy with his drinking and drug abuse. My sister has told me she wants me to die too, I miss my grandsons, and I've been told by my son, that since we don't have the money to spend on his family that we used to, we're not welcome at his home. I won't bore you any further with what all is going on, but I don't want to live anymore, I just want my life back the way it was, I want people to quit hurting me. I don't do that to others, why do they have to hurt my husband and me?
If I call 911 here, they'll swarm this place and lock me up. I just need somebody to talk to. It's hard to be alone all day long, 24/7 with nobody. My husband comes home from work and is asleep in 30 minutes and sleeps in his clothes till time to get up and get out of them and go to bed for the night. And there are times when I feel like I'm dying, physically.
I'm rambling now, but it feels good to vent. I haven't vented in a long, long time. If you guys knew the rest of the story, I think you'd understand why I want to die, simply so I won't have to hurt and go through so much hell ever again.

Melanie

i think it would be easier wouldnt it , im about to give up i dont care ,i love god but if he wants me to continue suffering then i dont care what he says either

 

[AWorkInProgress]

Leaped before looking again. Ignored this please.

EDIT

i think it would be easier wouldnt it , im about to give up i dont care ,i love god but if he wants me to continue suffering then i dont care what he says either

It is easier to do nothing than it is saving oneself. Brother please make a post and tell us what you are going thru. Many great people here to help you that will help you. No matter what your going thru, it is not worth throwing away your gift of life. Suicide is Not an option.

 

[TrueHope]

i think it would be easier wouldnt it , im about to give up i dont care ,i love god but if he wants me to continue suffering then i dont care what he says either

This is going to sound awful given your situations...but this is sooooooo important.

Sometimes in order for us to get closer to God, He ALLOWS us to get to our breaking point and Then Some to learn how to DEPEND on HIM. I know that is the way it has always been for me. The breaking point where your thoughts consume you with How you will do it. I know many Christians will not agree with me, but when this point is happening...it IS ok to get upset with God....He UNDERSTANDS! Sometimes He is testing you to see how you feel your relationship is with HIM....He is your father....to be respected, first and foremost, but also to demand explanations on why the toughness!!!! The devil wants us to think that we can't or shouldn't do that. I learned through some really hard times and I mean really hard times that I HAD to get it all out and yell at Him...TO Him.....question Him. And once I had done that....it seemed within moments I was delivered and miracles happened bringing me closer to Him.

I went to my priest about this, and cried, feeling so horrible....he confirmed it for me....Sometimes we HAVE to....because still, through it all, in the end, when we are back up and running, HE will always get the glory. He works through us to SHINE HIS glory to the world, even though we may not see it...

I hope this makes sense. God Bless !!!!