down at the moment grief makes it very hard at times to feel pain for my friend she died three years ago of suicide yeh i feel pain in my heart bt its hard to express it to God . i didnt get to the funeral . i want to write a diary bt done that before bt i just get too down or think im wasting my time but i will do it again- diary. my friend died in a horrible way her body was found later . i feel that guilt like i wish i could of talked to them before they died. ive tried to forget it and just bury it but the pain is there i miss them. badly ive lost them its a loss regardless of spiritual matters i feel tht loss. i dont like to go in the area where they died it freaks me. i just want to open up to God my healer and not run. i dnt want to ignore this. special love to the guy who lost his japenese friend