Stupid, stupid need advice.

[berry2000]

Okay here goes. Don't really know how to say this or why i am doing this exactly but will try to explain the best i can.

I was mad last night so I purposely didn't take my meds. Needless to say I didn't sleep well, had nightmares that I can remember mostly the whole night.
I woke up furious. And I don't want to take them anymore.

I think i am sabataging. I think i'm afraid that if I continue to be "well". Then I will lose my therapist and psychiatrist. And some immature part of me is acting out to make sure they know I still need them.

Does any of this make any sense to anyone?

 

[COVINABP]

Berry, I wish I knew what to say, I will pray for you, Please take your meds, you will not lose these guys, they will always need to make sure all is still right. We love you here, please keep us informed. One thing to get my wife home I had to do was to assure her I would only do meds as doc said (no taking myself off) so I think this feeling is normal for us bps.

God Bless,

William

 

[Zita123]

Okay here goes. Don't really know how to say this or why i am doing this exactly but will try to explain the best i can.

I was mad last night so I purposely didn't take my meds. Needless to say I didn't sleep well, had nightmares that I can remember mostly the whole night.
I woke up furious. And I don't want to take them anymore.

I think i am sabataging. I think i'm afraid that if I continue to be "well". Then I will lose my therapist and psychiatrist. And some immature part of me is acting out to make sure they know I still need them.

Does any of this make any sense to anyone?

William,

It's very scary thinking that you will be "CURED " and won't need your doc's anymore. Beleive me BP is not a cureable thing but rather a controlable thing with therapy and meds. You " might " always need them throughout your life but, let them know that they are doing a good job too!!
Hope I helped at least a little.
Thanks and GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS!!
Zita123

 

[berry2000]

Thank you for your support. I am still struggling.

 

[wonderwaleye]

Dear Berry2000


Answering with only one word needed!!!



NO!!!


NEVER FORGET WHAT OUR MIND IS CAPABLE OF!!! IT IS GOOD THAT YOU ARE DOING WELL AND THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT.


Want to be a TICKING TIME BOMB???


THEY WON'T LEAVE YOU!!!



JUST REMEMBER:






X Even though you can't see him, GOD is there!!! O
( click on the x and drag to the O ) ( then see who is with you ) steven

 

[PrairieGurl]

Thank you for your support. I am still struggling.

First of all Berry...please do not call yourself stupid! You're a kind, loving, friendly, and a freely giving of your time woman

This struggling we go thru...is like I said on one post, 'a roller coaster ride. You're in a dip my friend. No it is not a good place to be, actually, (for lack of a better word), it sucks!!!

We do all struggle with this 'quitting our meds' . I don't want to be dependent on them the rest of my life, if I get better, people will not help and support me anymore, etc. Many a time thru out this disease...I did quit my meds and ended up worse than when I did the last time. I did have these thoughts.

You've read my posts...on the right meds, still doing the rollar coaster thing
We are hear to support, love and pray for you!
You are loved

Lots of Love, s & s,
Wendy

 

[berry2000]

So i woke up furious. And I knew I need to do something so I went ahead and took my meds...and an additional 2 Xanax for the anger/irritablity/anixety. Then I went to church. I made it through 2 songs and then went into my car and fell asleep. I slept from 11am to 5pm. I am feeling much better.

Maybe not the smartest plan...but definately not the worst either.

 

[berry2000]

Thanks Wendy friend and all friends who replied. I needed to know there are people around me!

 

[Crystal~Rose]

I havent been at this very long though I can relate to the fear of losing the support I have recieved from my counselor and psychiatrist especially since I have no INS. and they see me for un heard of low rates..Praise the Lord. I am praying for you in this time. TAKE CARE OF YOU!

 

[Jeshu]

Okay here goes. Don't really know how to say this or why i am doing this exactly but will try to explain the best i can.

I was mad last night so I purposely didn't take my meds. Needless to say I didn't sleep well, had nightmares that I can remember mostly the whole night.
I woke up furious. And I don't want to take them anymore.

I think i am sabataging. I think i'm afraid that if I continue to be "well". Then I will lose my therapist and psychiatrist. And some immature part of me is acting out to make sure they know I still need them.

Does any of this make any sense to anyone?

It seems to me that meds are not controlling your mood swings properly as you are reacting to inner fear rather than logical reasoning. This tells me that you are unstable rather than well.

Could it be that you need more medications rather than less? It seems to me that instead of playing around with your meds, you are better of talking with your therapist and psychiatrist about your fears.


I pray that God will show the right way.

Gerry

 

[georgie2319]

Hi im sorry you are dealing with this. I was suffering from depression and i say was because its something i no longer wish to deal with in my life and i want God to be the one who keeps me sane and well and healed.
Am praying for you and please seek someone in your church who can probably help you more. Pray to God. Please i hope all is well with you. I am praying for you. If u need to chat pm me ,
Sorry to hear your dealing with this i know its not a nice feeling. In Jesus mighty name Be healed. and recieve all he wants you to have which is him in your life. He wants you to be 100% healed talk it from your mouth and tell your self he has healed you and has made you new he took all your pain on the cross.

 

[Alive again]

praying for you!!!!

 

[walshclan]

Berry:

I'm sorry I'm posting so late but I'm glad you got on your meds that day. Good for you. It was very smart. NOT STUPID. Because you arent stupid. We all have our days when we'd just rather not be bp and wish it didn't exist. I'm proud of you for posting and then for taking support and acting. Good going.

Blessings

Connie

 

[berry2000]

Thanks everyone. I am feeling better today. Someone said I should be talking w/ my t and pyschiatrist about my fears rather than messing w/ my meds. YES. That is so true but I am a chicken when it comes to admitting stuff like that.

 

[Alive again]

Aren't we all but we all must get to the point where we can do it and then we realize it wasn't as bad as we feared and we begin to feel stronger and helthier with each baby step we take!!! You are an amazing woman and you have made it this far with GOd on your side-do not fear, God will not fail you and you can facew these fears and put them behind you again.

 

[berry2000]

I just feel so horrible. Like I could cry at the drop of a hat. I'm so negative right now...like everything is black. It's my attitude it's lousey.

Who said I should jsut pray to God to be 100% healed. I don't believe that. I believe God doesn't want me healed. Not that he wants we to have bp but I truly believe this is part of his will for my life.

Sorry for my lousey attitude i just feel bad.

 

[PrairieGurl]

I just feel so horrible. Like I could cry at the drop of a hat. I'm so negative right now...like everything is black. It's my attitude it's lousey.

My Dear Berry,
Sounds like a 'bad' day in the life of me Not like you want to hear this right now...but this will pass. Is there anyway you can go be yourself and till there are no more tears are left?

Who said I should jsut pray to God to be 100% healed. I don't believe that. I believe God doesn't want me healed. Not that he wants we to have bp but I truly believe this is part of his will for my life.

I know I wouldn't ever say that. I don't believe 'God doesn't want to heal you'...you my friend, were born with a few chemicals missing in your brain. You need meds and tecniques to deal with this mental disease. See...they call it a disease. Not always easy to accept, but this seems to be our lot in life

Sorry for my lousey attitude i just feel bad.

Don't ever apologize for sharing how you are feeling. It just gives us more to rejoice about when this passes.

Lots of Love,
s & s,
Wendy