Stumped about how to help someone

[dhh712]

Sorry this is long. There's someone I work with occasionally who I'd like to help. It involves a student loan. I've tried to think of ways I can do this without her knowing about it. Why I don't want her to know is for this: it will create an awkward environment in the workplace.

I'm been bouncing around a number of ideas and seeing if anyone here can come up with something other than just giving her what would help her out.

1) I can talk to the pharmacist at work and have her give it to her from an anonymous person. The obvious problem with that is can I trust her not to tell? I'm thinking I can, but you never know.
2) Having my husband go there and give it to her anonymously. That will take a while since I'm not even scheduled to work there anymore at the moment. Then I'll have to take a look at the schedule which I hope is put up and then also hope she hasn't switched days or anything.
3) Taking a stab in the dark and calling one of the major student loan servicers (already called the university and they can't help me) and seeing if there's any information that way. Not sure they can help me either and even if they were to come up with a student with an account with her name, her name isn't all that incredibly uncommon and these people deal with likely millions of students.

That's about all I have so far. I'm not 100% opposed to just straight out giving it her I'm just trying to weigh the pros and cons of that. Of course the benefit would be that she gets it. The cons of that are a lot however: it creates and awkward work environment in a number of ways the least of which is probably she'd feel awkward around me. Also, that place is a great place to work where everyone gets along and I'm worried doing something like that may foster feelings of jealousy or something.

Probably the best bet if I go with not caring about anonymity is just passing it along through the pharmacist, so if nothing else I'll probably go that route. Just wondering if anyone had any other ideas. Been praying for God to guide me.

Very appreciative of any ideas.

 

[pdudgeon]

Sorry this is long. There's someone I work with occasionally who I'd like to help. It involves a student loan. I've tried to think of ways I can do this without her knowing about it. Why I don't want her to know is for this: it will create an awkward environment in the workplace.

I'm been bouncing around a number of ideas and seeing if anyone here can come up with something other than just giving her what would help her out.

1) I can talk to the pharmacist at work and have her give it to her from an anonymous person. The obvious problem with that is can I trust her not to tell? I'm thinking I can, but you never know.
2) Having my husband go there and give it to her anonymously. That will take a while since I'm not even scheduled to work there anymore at the moment. Then I'll have to take a look at the schedule which I hope is put up and then also hope she hasn't switched days or anything.
3) Taking a stab in the dark and calling one of the major student loan servicers (already called the university and they can't help me) and seeing if there's any information that way. Not sure they can help me either and even if they were to come up with a student with an account with her name, her name isn't all that incredibly uncommon and these people deal with likely millions of students.

That's about all I have so far. I'm not 100% opposed to just straight out giving it her I'm just trying to weigh the pros and cons of that. Of course the benefit would be that she gets it. The cons of that are a lot however: it creates and awkward work environment in a number of ways the least of which is probably she'd feel awkward around me. Also, that place is a great place to work where everyone gets along and I'm worried doing something like that may foster feelings of jealousy or something.

Probably the best bet if I go with not caring about anonymity is just passing it along through the pharmacist, so if nothing else I'll probably go that route. Just wondering if anyone had any other ideas. Been praying for God to guide me.

Very appreciative of any ideas.

how about sending her flowers, add a gift card, and enclose the money with the card. that way you could arrange to have them delivered on a day that she is working but you aren't.

and if you don't tell anyone at your workplace what you're doing, then everyone can be surprized.

 

[Sketcher]

Give what to her?

She needs to be on her own for student loans, if that firm boundary is not kept, then that can lead to resentment on both sides and the end of the relationship. Now, if she came to you asking for advice on how to pay them off or how to budget, then you can give advice. But don't help pay them off. If she didn't ask for advice, don't broach the subject. Definitely don't involve other people because her finances are not their business.

 

[Take Heart]

I agree with the card and flowers. Or since Christmas it nearing, you can put it in a Christmas card with an envelope and then maybe put it on her desk/locker at work? Or mail it to her without a returning address.

 

[dhh712]

The card/flowers is a great idea! I never would have thought of that. Thanks, I may go that route.

(I wish I knew her address and I would definitely mail it, but I don't. I don't want to mail it to her work place with her name on it either; it might not get to her. I know one place I used to work, the people who got our mail were horrible at getting things back to us).

The bad feeling I got about possibly her finding out is valid indeed, so I definitely am not going to go the route where she can possibly find out. I thought it was just me putting my feelings above the greater good of being a steward, but no--the thought I had of bringing up negative feelings is definitely not worth the risk.

 

[pdudgeon]

The card/flowers is a great idea! I never would have thought of that. Thanks, I may go that route.

(I wish I knew her address and I would definitely mail it, but I don't. I don't want to mail it to her work place with her name on it either; it might not get to her. I know one place I used to work, the people who got our mail were horrible at getting things back to us).

The bad feeling I got about possibly her finding out is valid indeed, so I definitely am not going to go the route where she can possibly find out. I thought it was just me putting my feelings above the greater good of being a steward, but no--the thought I had of bringing up negative feelings is definitely not worth the risk.

if you have the flowers delivered to her work place on a day that she is working, the florist who delivers it will see that she gets them.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Don't discuss this or her finances with anyone unless she's given you permission to do so.
If you're going to bless her with a gift of money, approach the lady privately and discuss the matter...ask her out for coffee or something...talk to her about paying for her education.
This way you can pay for her education when the need arises instead of giving her a sum of money beforehand and she might be tempted to spend the money on other things.

You see, a friend helped me, I signed up for the college course and my friend offered to help me with paying for my education, so once I got the tally of the amount needed, my friend had the check made out to the community college I was to attend. That way there was no doubt the money went for paying for my education.
In our situation there was no awkwardness, me and my friend even worked together and the matter stayed private because neither one of us went about broadcasting such matters. My friend knew me personally and she saw that I worked hard, provided for my sick parent as well as helping out the people I lived near who needed some help... I mostly did babysitting and housekeeping back then.