Student Parents

[Cordy]

My husband and I are full time students, and it appears we will be for a long time. When we got married (as students as well), people told us that marriage would pull our studies down, or our studies would put stress on our marriage etc. – basically that we couldn’t or at least shouldn’t get married while in school. Well, we got married anyway and discovered that our studies have improved and we continue developed a strong marriage. We found that, despite the warnings (mostly of people who hadn't done it themselves), marriage and school are extremely compatible!

Now that we have been married a few years, we are starting to think about having kids, but are wondering how that would work while we are in school. I realize that the changes involved with having children are much different than getting married. For instance, I couldn’t tell a hungry baby to hold on for 30 minutes while I finish proof reading my assignment. But I still think we could make it work.

Are there any parents here that are students, were once student parents or have friends/family that are students parents? If so, I would love to hear of your experience.

 

[okiemommy26]

Well we just started going to school this fall semester, both of us full time. Mike does his online for right and he works and when im not in school I stay home with the kids. My kids are 2 and 6. So my 6yr old is in school all day. Well my mom watches the 2yr old for me when Im in school. Its hard to spend time with them and do our studies but we have made it through the first semester fine without us missing out too much on them. When my daughter gets home from school we do her homework together, then we go and fix dinner and watch tv and eat dinner, after dinner we spend time as a family. Till its time for bed and then we go do our homework while they are in bed most times. Now on the weekend usually hubby is at work so it leaves me home with both kids and usually homework, usually studying for a test so what I do is do it durning the 2yr olds nap time and let my 6yr old color, watch a movie do a craft or go on her own computer. Sometimes i take my homework, if its a studying and go in the living and spend time with them and study. Next fall my hubby will be going to the same school im going to and we both are getting our teaching degree we have a least 4yrs of this because i dont know with the kids how long it will take us to get it done. But with my families help we will be able to do it. We have a great support system and that helps a lot. Just pray and see if its the right time for a child in your life. We have been married for 7yrs. Through God is the only way we are able to accomplish this and only through Him have i passed my classes with A's and B's.

 

[2lplvr]

I had my first child my sophomore year in college and my second between semesters of my senior year. I made sure that my professors knew that I had young children, not so I'd take advantage of that but so they would understand where my priorities were. With our first, my dh and simply scheduled our work and classes so that one of us was with him. With our second, I only took classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I breastfeed them both and made a point of scheduling time to go pump. I look at pictures of myself then and I was exhausted. My babies were happy but I was l burning the candle at both ends and in the middle. Our marriage probably took the biggest hit because there was no time for one another between work, kids and school.
We did not have a support system and I think that would have made all the difference in the world.

 

[faith renewal]

My husband and I have been in and out of school full time since our son was born. One of us has been in school every quarter, more often both of us. It wasn't too bad when my son was an infant, but now it is VERY challenging. He can't simply come along with us when the babysitter is ill, a toddler will not sit through a business law lecture. Also, Jonathan is at the age where he wants to do every Mommy and Daddy do, including homework. I have several books that are missing more than a few pages. With a child you can't just run over to the library. You have to make sure that someone is available to watch them, or that they will behave while you are there.

Also, I found going to school extremely difficult while I was pregnant. I was very ill my entire pregnancy. I only attended one quarter while pregnant. It was simply too much for me to handle. If you feel you will be able to handle school and pregnancy, my advice is to wait until near the end of your academic career to have children. It was okay until my son became mobile. I would aim to be finished with school by the time your first child turns one, if you really want to have kids. Otherwise, just wait!

I agree that marriage is very conducive to academia, you always have someone to support you, you are well settled, and it can greatly help with motivation. However, I strongly recommend waiting to have children! They are beautiful and a wonderful blessing from God, but they make going to school very problematic.

 

[HeatherJay]

My hubby and I had our oldest daughter when we were both sophomores in college. I don't remember it being all THAT hard. We had access to a phenomonal day care that was on campus. My daughter couldn't go until she was 6 weeks, but during that time if Mark wasn't home from class to watch her then all my professors were very understanding about me bringing her with me to class (she would sleep in a Snugli on my stomach). I had her in the middle of the semester and I was back in class the next week. In future semesters, Mark and I just planned our schedules so that one of us could be home with her (when possible) and when that was impossible, we utilized our day care option...the easiest way was me taking tuesday/thursday classes and he took MWF classes. Or he would take afternoon classes and I'd take morning classes. It CAN be done, but it takes quite a bit of commitment and organization. I was 8 months pregnant with our youngest daughter when he graduated. Be advised, most campus daycares have a LONG waiting list...if you do decide to have a child then get your name put on the list as soon as you find out you're pregnant.

 

[Leanna]

When my husband and I got married, he was in school full time and I was working. It worked out great. Now that he is finished with school I have been going to college. I had a baby August 27 so I took this semester off. I want to know, how can you AFFORD to go to school full time and take care of a baby? Who pays your bills? I am going back to school in the spring but am only taking two classes. My campus daycare doesn't take any babies under 2 which is of no use to me. It is possible to have a baby and go to school, but you are right that you can't ask baby to wait while you do your homework. It depends on your type of baby, some babies just float into the world and enjoy days gazing around the room. At least this is what I hear. Not my baby! He is high energy and I know I am going to have trouble focusing on my schoolwork. But I am going to do it anyway. I think if you have a choice, I would definitely recommend waiting until you are done with school to have kids. Why not fully enjoy the experience of school and later fully focus on your baby?

But, I do want to know, how old are you? and how many years is a "few"? It makes a difference not to rush things. My husband and I almost decided to have a family while he was still in school, and now that I have had the experience of a baby I am SO GLAD that we didn't. It would have put extra stress that was unnecessary, and since we are young, whats the hurry?

 

[HeatherJay]

I want to know, how can you AFFORD to go to school full time and take care of a baby? Who pays your bills?

Well we both went to school full time for several years, actually. LOL, we paid our own bills. We lived in the campus apartments which covered all utilities except electric and long distance and had very reasonable rent. We had a car, but rarely used it since our classes were a 15 minute walk away, so no huge gas expenses. We bought generic food when we grocery shopped and I had WIC which helped us out with baby formula. My husband had his GI Bill and worked on campus for about 15-20 hours a week. And what we couldn't pay for with our income we took out students loans for.

It can definitely be done if the commitment is there to make it through.

 

[alaskamolly]

Our first year of parenting involved school, work and baby. (I taught half-time at a private school, so she was just down the hall in the nursery, and then I took a few night classes at a Bible College). It was a very relaxed school, though, so I could just bring baby with me and sit in the back (wonderful!!!). My husband continued school full-time, and worked full-time. It was a very busy but very happy season of our lives.



I have to say, though, that I really appreciated NOT doing school or work anymore after that first year. I mean, my brain's probably grown MORE since I've not gone to school or out to work, but that's because I can persue the studies I want to, at my pace and in the times which suit me. *grin*

...Like right now, I'm reading a book on "Mothers in the Fatherland," about the lives of women during the Nazi years in Germany. Fantastic book! And I'm head over heels in love with the book of Ezekiel right now (and busy trying to figure out what the heck is going on in the Hebrew in those first chapters). And I'm working on my website too, but that's always going on, and working my home business here and there as well. And my Middle School Bible Study is always something I enjoy doing each week--I love those (annoying, rowdy, zitty) youth so much!!! But my husband and children come first, and I can give my best hours to them--I can give MYSELF to them, in that sense, and it's so freeing to just relax and actually enjoy them, as opposed to trying to get them to "be quiet and go away so I can get on to something more important." Yikes! Right now, my "side hobbies/studies" are just that--side things--things I can do in my free time, not things that demand my time.



Anyways, I think that with one child, you can probably get away with doing school and parenthood all at the same time--I bet it would be a joy and something you could easily work around your studies--not that it would always be easy, but you would eventually transition into a rhythm that would work for you all. More than one child, though, and I bet it would get to be a real zoo, and something would have to give somewhere for it to be manageable.


Oh--one big tip! I would plan on not doing school for at least the first 2-3 months of baby's life. That is such a crazy time period, especially for the first one, and you are so brain-dead from sleep deprivation and just the overwhelmingness of it all. After baby gets a touch older, you get your brain back (and your energy) and life starts transitioning back to normalcy again (or the new definition of "normal" that parenthood brings--heehee). That would be my only big piece of advice! The other parts of this post are only late-night ramblings of a woman who's putting off loading the dishwasher before bed--heehee!


Ok, enough procrastinating...
Love to you,
Molly

 

[Leanna]

She's right, at least 6 weeks is needed.

 

[Cordy]

Wow, there is quite a broad range of perspectives here, and I am really glad to read the varying experiences.

One week before going back school? Heather Jay, you are some kind of super woman!

My husband and I are not thinking about having children immediately - it is just a topic that has been on our minds for quite a while. When looking at our long-term plans, having our first child during school is definitely worth thinking about.

Thank you for the responses, and please add anything else you would like to mention.

 

[HeatherJay]

Wow, there is quite a broad range of perspectives here, and I am really glad to read the varying experiences.

One week before going back school? Heather Jay, you are some kind of super woman!

My husband and I are not thinking about having children immediately - it is just a topic that has been on our minds for quite a while. When looking at our long-term plans, having our first child during school is definitely worth thinking about.

Thank you for the responses, and please add anything else you would like to mention.

LOL, no, I'm definitely not superwoman. I did, however, have a pretty easy labor and a very supportive husband who had a particularly light class load that semester. He helped me out so much.

Looking back, I should have taken it easy for awhile. I was definitely exhausted, but we made it work as best we could. I think 6 weeks is a good amount of time to take off, as the other ladies said.

 

[faith renewal]

I want to know, how can you AFFORD to go to school full time and take care of a baby? Who pays your bills

Actually I've found that finances is one of the easier things we've had to deal with. Financial aid is quite generous for undergraduate studies, especially if you are married w/children. We also take advantage of state aid programs like foodstamps and Medicaid. WIC was also invaluable the first year while our son was on formula. My husband has always worked 15-20 hours/week when in school and full-time when not. I haven't worked regularly, just done the odd tutoring job when things were really tight. It helps that we've never needed to pay a babysitter or pay for daycare, we've just arranged our schedules or sent my son to work with my husband (he works at a daycare right now).