Student loans and marriage

[jennwiln]

Hello Members;
I posted a message in the Singles Forum but not getting any concrete help. I have student loan debt in the tens of thousands plus interest. I am 26 years old and I deciding that it will be best to not get married. The loan debt will get in the way and it would be best for me emotionally and financially not get married. Unless God can do a miracle, that is my best option. I would like to know if it is okay to not get married due to debt? I know the bible talks about some choose to be single by men or circumstances.

I appreciate your advice.

Thanks,
Jen

 

[madison1101]

Many people your age have student loan debt. My children are no exception. My son just got married on Saturday and he has student loans.

I do not understand the problem with having student loans and getting married. College debt is nothing to be ashamed of, and it is usually in the tens of thousands of dollars. College is not cheap.

I do not believe that God would use your student loans to exempt you from marriage. I suggest you seek the Lord in this matter. It could be that you are using the student loans as a convenient reason to not seek a relationshp. Explore that with the Lord and see what you come up with.

Trish

 

[Johnnz]

That's a personal choice. Debt is not a reason for not getting married, but it does have consequences into a marriage - some good (two incomes to pay it off) some less so (harder to own property on one income and debt) as examples.

John
NZ

 

[Solidlyhere]

Jenn asks: "it would be best for me emotionally and financially not get married. ... I would like to know if it is okay to not get married due to debt?"

No one needs a reason to NOT get married.

So, if you are pretty sure that "emotionally" it would be good for you to not marry, then (by all means) stay single.

I have known several women who have chosen to remain single.
The main thing in Life is: Find what you feel good about doing, and do it.
This goes for a career, and a hobby, and a marital status.

I am sure that God is pleased with you.
God loves you now (as a single person).
God will continue to love you.
Find your peace, and hold on to it.

 

[Sketcher]

That debt doesn't mean you shouldn't get married, that just means you should marry a rich man.

On a serious note, you seem conscientious enough about it that this debt would be manageable. If it was consumer debt, it would be something else entirely because that indicates a lot less responsibility. There are ways to pay this debt off, and if you can chip away at this and get it significantly reduced, maybe you should reconsider.

 

[bliz]

Is there a young man in this situation, or is this a theoretical discussion?

 

[Praising4eva]

I wouldn't let debt stop me getting married (being that it's positive debt i.e. gained by studying which will set you on a pathway for a job that will hopefully pay well as opposed to negative debt i.e. gained by gambling or excessive purchasing). The debt might seem over-whelming now but little by little, you can handle it and get it paid off. Getting married, especially when young and just starting out, is financially challenging debt or not. But it's one of those things you face together and somehow you get through.

 

[OceanFloor4]

CAREFUL. In my opinion, emotional and spiritual readiness are NOT the only things to consider when you are thinking about getting married. Keep in mind that it is possible, even if you take preventative measures, to become pregnant when you are married. You are responsible for your child even if it is unexpected. In the event that you become pregnant, will you be financially able to support your child in the way that he/she deserves? Having a kid often requires that you put some other aspects of life on hold, including some moneymaking parts. Don't get married unless you are confident that your situation would be manageable in this unlikely, but still possible, instance.

Remember that if you don't get married soon, you're still not necessarily fated to be single for the rest of your life.

If you feel that you and your potential husband would be reasonably ready to handle the challenges, both expected and unexpected, that are associated with marriage - then by all means, get married. If you're dating someone but you don't feel that you're ready to be married because of your collective debt, then if he's a good one, he'll understand and you can continue dating with plans to marry later.

Finance isn't the do-all and end-all, but do use prudence in this life decision.

 

[R3quiem]

Eh, this thread is kind of scary. I am in my second year of college and already have $23,000 of debt.

Anyway, Paul in the Bible writes that staying single is a fine choice. I'm not sure if debt alone is a good reason though- if it is a marriage based in something real, then it shouldn't be able to be defeated by finances right?

 

[jive4005]

Seems to me that God's laws and rule are more concerned with LOVE than with finances. Sounds to me like some self-examination and adjustment in priorities might be in order.

His,
Rev J

 

[mrscplus]

I agree with the others that debt, especially from education is not enough reason to not get married.

I was blessed to be educated in Canada, and before tuition went insane, but I graduated with some debt. I was working full time, and DH, being a pastor had the congregation look after housing, so after my tithe, the next thing to get my money was the debt.

If you continue to take responsibility for the debt, and not expect the spouse to take care of it, then it's not an impostion.

What we did though was all of our money is in joint accounts, and we pay all the bills out of that, so he paid off my student loans, and I paid for his post graduate work.

It all comes out in the wash, and God will provide if as a couple your priorities are right.

 

[jennwiln]

Many people your age have student loan debt. My children are no exception. My son just got married on Saturday and he has student loans.

I do not understand the problem with having student loans and getting married. College debt is nothing to be ashamed of, and it is usually in the tens of thousands of dollars. College is not cheap.

I do not believe that God would use your student loans to exempt you from marriage. I suggest you seek the Lord in this matter. It could be that you are using the student loans as a convenient reason to not seek a relationshp. Explore that with the Lord and see what you come up with.

Trish

I just feel that I do not want to be a burden. I am a burden to my 61 year old mother because I am not providing what she needs. I guess that I am helping a man from having too much on his shoulders.

 

[jennwiln]

Jenn asks: "it would be best for me emotionally and financially not get married. ... I would like to know if it is okay to not get married due to debt?"

No one needs a reason to NOT get married.

So, if you are pretty sure that "emotionally" it would be good for you to not marry, then (by all means) stay single.

I have known several women who have chosen to remain single.
The main thing in Life is: Find what you feel good about doing, and do it.
This goes for a career, and a hobby, and a marital status.

I am sure that God is pleased with you.
God loves you now (as a single person).
God will continue to love you.
Find your peace, and hold on to it.

I do not believe I can handle the stuggles that comes with marriage. The arguements and the tears. My mom was hurt when my dad left. I do not want that to happen to me.

 

[Johnnz]

I can understand that. but our approach to life must be defined by God and His designs for us. Not our parents and their failures, not our own failures and self doubt, not others' expectations and demands, but Christ in me the hope of glory/

John
NZ

 

[Solidlyhere]

Jen admitted: "I do not believe I can handle the stuggles that comes with marriage. The arguments and the tears. My mom was hurt when my dad left. I do not want that to happen to me."

God bless you, Jen.

You can make up your mind NOW to remain single.
This is a good thing.

If, years from now, you wish to change your Marital status, then that will be THEN.

The Best way to avoid a lousy Marriage is: Don't get married.
So, for now, you have made the best decision for your Life.
I wish you the Best.

 

[Theogonia]

From the clinical way you talk about marriage, it is hard to believe that this is an immediate concern relating to your life instead of a mere theoretical question, but perhaps you should make it clear.

Also, I find it odd that you appear to express the feeling that you must get married; as do some of the responses.

When did marriage turn from a loving commitment to an obligation?

If this is a question about you, honestly, it depends. Despite what others may tell you here about trusting God, God expects us to use our heads. If getting married while in debt is not a wise decision, then don't get married, it's as simple as that.

It really depends on the financial situation of your husband though.