Stuck in a rut

[LivingforGod13]

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 7 months now. We're close and we know each other pretty well, but I get annoyed with him a lot because he talks a lot and I feel that I rarely get a word in edgewise. My boyfriend is 20 and I'm 17. The age difference isn't that big of a deal because I'm very mature for my age and my boyfriend still isn't in college due to money issues.

Lately, my boyfriend and I have been talking about becoming more intimate in our physical relationship. I feel that I already know, from a Christian point of view, we shouldn't step into any deeper physical relationship until we're married.

To give you a little bit of back story on our relationship, he and I have already had sexual relations but stopped due to the fact that we just weren't ready and we only ever did sexual things when we were together. We wanted more depth to our relationship so we quit.

I'm stuck in a rut because I feel that I shouldn't leave him because of the fact that we've already done sexual things and so maybe it's okay to keep doing them because we're never going to split up anyway. I really do want to make this relationship last a long time, but I'm afraid if sexual relations may destroy what we have.

What's the right thing to do? How can I fix it? How can I make things last?

 

[NiobiumTragedy]

Well, for one, you shouldn't bring intimacy back into the relationship. Regardless of whether or not you've done it in the past, he needs to respect you enough to not pressure you into it. Just keep in mind that can be hard for a lot of people to accept.

Question is, what exactly does he do to help himself? What does he even want to do in the future to support himself and someone else? There are ways to get into Uni if you really desire to. Many government loans and such are available so that people can afford to take classes and get a career. Just takes desire and drive to do it.

 

[Luther073082]

Honestly this doesn't sound like a relationship you really still wish to be in.

The fact that you had sex in the past doesn't make you somehow spiritually married or anything of that nature. It makes it a mistake, one you shouldn't have done that is in the past.

As far as the having sex now. God tells us to wait until marriage, not until "we feel like we'll be together forever". Lots of people feel like they are going to be together forever. That doesn't mean they are. The together forever thing is way too often used as an excuse to comprimise standards in order to have sex at an earlier time. I understand that, I truely do. . . but that doesn't mean its right. And it definatly doesn't make it a good idea.

As far as him annoying you. You might want to get this figured out and definatly do it before you go so far as to get married. Your relationship with your partner should be very strong before anyone goes so far as to get married. Marriage I can say from experience only makes things harder and makes annoyances even more annoying.

Also I'm curious though, are you sure that your relationship works because you are more mature for your age or because he is immature for his age. I don't have all the information but to be honest it sounds more like the ladder.

My brother is about the same age and he dates girls about your age. But that isn't because they are mature for their age, its because he is immature for his.

 

[LivingforGod13]

Thanks for the advice! It really helped.

 

[miss.leanne]

I feel like my past can relate to yours in some ways. When my boyfriend and I started dating, we were the same ages as you and your boyfriend are. The only difference there is that we were both in college, but I'm not sure that makes a difference. We started having sexual relations five months into the relationship, and actual intercourse after nine months.

We are now at a point where we are pursuing purity as we look toward marriage, but I know it was really hard to get to that point. I understand that we all know "The Bible says to save sex for marriage," but I also know it can be hard to accept what has almost become a overused cliche when you're there. But I've learned, it's just not worth it to continue to live a life of impurity. God's will for you is to be holy and set apart for Him. He loves you so much, and He only wants the best for you. His will is for you to be with a man who will wait for sexual intimacy with you until your marriage night. No matter how much you love each other, or how committed you are, waiting is truly the best decision.

The good news is, our sins are washed white as snow. You know you have made mistakes in the past, and those are wiped clean. You might slip up again - and those will be wiped clean too! All I can say is, seek a relationship with Jesus Christ first. You will need his grace to face this situation, and thankfully He gives it in abundance!

I'm praying for you, sister

 

[LivingforGod13]

I feel like my past can relate to yours in some ways. When my boyfriend and I started dating, we were the same ages as you and your boyfriend are. The only difference there is that we were both in college, but I'm not sure that makes a difference. We started having sexual relations five months into the relationship, and actual intercourse after nine months.

We are now at a point where we are pursuing purity as we look toward marriage, but I know it was really hard to get to that point. I understand that we all know "The Bible says to save sex for marriage," but I also know it can be hard to accept what has almost become a overused cliche when you're there. But I've learned, it's just not worth it to continue to live a life of impurity. God's will for you is to be holy and set apart for Him. He loves you so much, and He only wants the best for you. His will is for you to be with a man who will wait for sexual intimacy with you until your marriage night. No matter how much you love each other, or how committed you are, waiting is truly the best decision.

The good news is, our sins are washed white as snow. You know you have made mistakes in the past, and those are wiped clean. You might slip up again - and those will be wiped clean too! All I can say is, seek a relationship with Jesus Christ first. You will need his grace to face this situation, and thankfully He gives it in abundance!

I'm praying for you, sister

Thank you so much. This encouraged me so much and brought me to tears. I just needed to hear that.