Struggling

[Born2Serve06]

I have finally put into the light that I am in a domestic abuse situation with my husband.

Last month a week before I went I a women's retreat with my church my husband and I got into a huge fight and he left bruises on my arms and chest. I confinded in my pastor's wife what had happened and showed he what was left of my bruises.

A few weeks ago my husband got violent towards our son for not trying his veggies. With my husband you never know when he is going to blow. It could be months upon months before he explodes.

I will admit that I have a temper and I can yell and throw things and that doesn't help the situation. The more I grow spiritually it slowly is going away. I am seeking help as well.

After putting my problems with my husband into the light it is dragging out more stuff. I am waiting to hear back from a Christian Counselor that my pastor has referred me to.

This morning as I was getting ready for work. I realize that I am very angry at my mom. When I was a child I was sexually abused by my grandfather. Later on in life my sister and I told her what happened and her response was I suspected something was wrong. I am angry that she didn't do anything. I am angry that when I got pregnant with my son she pushed me to marry my husband.

I don't know if I am looking for blame or what. Please pray for me today.

 

[tapero]

I have finally put into the light that I am in a domestic abuse situation with my husband.

Last month a week before I went I a women's retreat with my church my husband and I got into a huge fight and he left bruises on my arms and chest. I confinded in my pastor's wife what had happened and showed he what was left of my bruises.

A few weeks ago my husband got violent towards our son for not trying his veggies. With my husband you never know when he is going to blow. It could be months upon months before he explodes.

I will admit that I have a temper and I can yell and throw things and that doesn't help the situation. The more I grow spiritually it slowly is going away. I am seeking help as well.

After putting my problems with my husband into the light it is dragging out more stuff. I am waiting to hear back from a Christian Counselor that my pastor has referred me to.

This morning as I was getting ready for work. I realize that I am very angry at my mom. When I was a child I was sexually abused by my grandfather. Later on in life my sister and I told her what happened and her response was I suspected something was wrong. I am angry that she didn't do anything. I am angry that when I got pregnant with my son she pushed me to marry my husband.

I don't know if I am looking for blame or what. Please pray for me today.

Hi, I am so glad you told someone of your husband hurting you. That's a big and good step.

And it's good too that you are working on recovering from things you've had to go thru and deal with.

Healing takes time, but God is faithful and that you are seeking it, is something many don't do as they don't see in themselves needs for things and so again, I commend you for seeing and working on things.

I pray you can get support you are looking into, and someone good to talk with.

As I'm not in your situation it is easy for me to say this, but is not so easy to do - anytime your husband lashes out at you or your child in a physcial way call the police.

Any time he dare touch you or your child call the police.

My ex never hit me, but in my marriage I was angry as well. He drank and was emotionally abusive. At first I lashed out in anger as well during his tirades.

I saw I didn't like that part in me and stopped it (my lashing out.)

Everyone is different though and depending on one's personality and what they went thru, someone can do one thing and another can't.

See, this is how I see it. An abuser is manipulative. And while I was wrong to lash back at hubby, what was occuring was he was controlling me in a sense, tho I was letting him.

So, I refused to allow him to have control over me, which is how I stopped lashing out, by seeing it as such.

Abusers are very manipulative and what occurs is one tries to change theirself so much to please they wind up losing who they are. It is the way to stop the violence, never be oneself and this way they don't get violent.

After years of abuse, and after tearing myself apart with the bible to fix me, I realized this is not my problem but his problem. And I was free.

While I did have many relationships of physical abuse, hospital visits, scars etc., when I got married to the alchoholic by that time and by that age, I said never again, tho I just found a different sort of abuser.

So, working on healing is good and I'm praying for you.

While calling the police on him each time, will cost money and cause problems, he will think twice if he's going to get hauled to the police station and looked up and down in judgement by men and women who eye him as abusing a woman and a child, and has to go to court to answer for his behavior, it will help you to be safe.

Don't back down, which I don't think states allow now anyway, to drop charges. Let him pay the consequences, and hon, I nearly got killed many times, and it's not worth all the financial security in the world to not do something.

You and your child are worth fighting for. You are precious in God's site, and He loves you, and he gives us authority (police) to help us.

praying,
tapero

 

[Johnnz]

I agree with Tapero.

You are prepared to face up to issues in your own life. Bless you.

Your husband must do the same. If he won't then there is a potential tragedy afoot, either for you or your child. Plus no child should ever be reared in a home where there is violence - that's not a good model.

John
NZ

 

[zsepthenne]

I empathize and sympathize with you. I'm sorry you're hurting. I pray the Lord is at work in you family's life.
Some links that helped me: http://www.hiddenhurt.co.uk/ ----Has a religion and DV area.
http://http://community.rhiannon3.net/topics.cfm?communityid=1&siteid=1
Has a home page, but I really liked the help pages to the right of the message board.
Books: "Keeping the Faith: Guidance for Christian women facing abuse" by Marie M. Fortune-----this book was a Godsend for me.
"Why does he do That" by Lundy Bancroft-------a look into your husband's head. Kinda scary.
You can PM me and ask me about anything, including leaving or staying...anything...
God bless you

 

[pennsyginny]

I have finally put into the light that I am in a domestic abuse situation with my husband.

Last month a week before I went I a women's retreat with my church my husband and I got into a huge fight and he left bruises on my arms and chest. I confinded in my pastor's wife what had happened and showed he what was left of my bruises.

A few weeks ago my husband got violent towards our son for not trying his veggies. With my husband you never know when he is going to blow. It could be months upon months before he explodes.

I will admit that I have a temper and I can yell and throw things and that doesn't help the situation. The more I grow spiritually it slowly is going away. I am seeking help as well.

After putting my problems with my husband into the light it is dragging out more stuff. I am waiting to hear back from a Christian Counselor that my pastor has referred me to.

This morning as I was getting ready for work. I realize that I am very angry at my mom. When I was a child I was sexually abused by my grandfather. Later on in life my sister and I told her what happened and her response was I suspected something was wrong. I am angry that she didn't do anything. I am angry that when I got pregnant with my son she pushed me to marry my husband.

I don't know if I am looking for blame or what. Please pray for me today.

Are there any support groups in your area? I belong to a domestic violence support group and a sexual assault support group. The strengths we are able to share with one another are so affirming.
I hope the counselor helps you.
I think many of us have anger issues with our Moms. We don't know why they did not protect us. I guess bottom line is that they did not. I chose to never talk with my mom about my abuse but I know that she must have known.
I think that the situation with your husband is fueling your past anger and vice versa. I used to be so angry but I kept it all buried inside. Not good for me. It didn't hurt my abusers that I was being ate up inside but it sure hurt me.
I'm glad you are getting a counselor. I hope you have strong women friends you can talk to as well.

 

[Surviving]

What you are going through is really hard and I pray that God will be with you to protect you at this time and keep you safe.

I wanted to let you know that I can kind of know how you feel with your mum and everything. I was being sexually abused by a child minder. She asked me once and I denied it because I was so scared of what was going to happen. It was 4 years before she asked me again. I only wish that she had asked me alot earlier and I would never have gone through what happened to me.

If you need to chat, you know where I am.

 

[Born2Serve06]

Thank you all. I am praying about going to a support group. I found one and I was excited to go and then I found out two ladies I used to work with go to it. One was in my bible study but the other one was in a management type position and would talk badly about her staff. I don't need this getting out at my old place of employment.

 

[Kristen.NewCreation]

I'll be praying for you and for your husband in this journey of healing.