- Mar 15, 2004
- 195
- 11
- 38
- Faith
- Non-Denom
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- US-Republican
hey, i have been having a really bad past 4 months, alot has happend, okay i have been cutting for since last April well the end of april last year (05) and i'm still struggling with that, in december my bf's mom took me to the docter for depressing and everything, the medication helps but then again it isn't, it just makes things hader anti depressins really mess with the mind, also in december my boyfriend called of the wedding, we were going to get married, that was really hard to hadle i cut big time then, and then me and my boyfriend were still going out and stuff january he apoligized to me for being all werid latly, then in febuary the wendsday' ( week valentins day) we got to celebry our v-day he got me a rose and a card, and we also had sex, i said No, before it got to in to it, so he stoped we prayed and he promised me he wasn't going to leave me that he would be there for me no matter what, and that he is going to marry me,,... well then 2 weeks ago i saw him and we were talking and everything and we were talking and he asked that if anything happend to us that we would always be friends, i told him of crouse. then over the weekend he said maybe we would be better friends then we are married and that he shouldn't have made those promises for me, i cried and cut myself because at chruch because of everything .... then last weds my boyfriend called me and i was talking to him asking him to pray for me and asked him to please help me with breaking tho cutting and depressing and everythig and he said that he has been talking to peeps and he said i could be you're friend but not you're boyfriend but i still love you and care for you that was really hard for me but i didn't cut, then i called him this week and told him how i felt and he made me upset and i cut myself, there was alot of times i cut because of something he did, or i took something he said way out of contects.... and i feel like i pushed him away by cutting, his family still loves me and is there for me... well next year i'm going to college in the same town my boyfriend and his mom and dad lives, the offerd me to live with them , well i talked to his mom last night and she told me that it would be better off not to live with them becuase it would be hader for me, but i am still welcome over there, anytime, and she love's me liek a daugther but i need to give (my boyfriend) space, and i need to get better and love myself and stop self harming and i understand that andi want too. .so i am going to live with a friend thtai s going to college up there too but her dad dosen't like the idea of us getting apparment, God lead it on my heart to live with her in the first place but i was to scard to tell my boyfriend's mom about it until she said what she did, the apparments are cheap for both of us working and stuff, i need prayer that i can get better , and God would take care of everything with finding a job, apparment, my relationships, cutting, self-image , convidence and so on and so forth, please pray for me and i am in need for encougment, i found my calling while going out with my boyfriend i am to talk to teen girls about issues, i know that is what i am to do but i'm having alot of doubt i can do it, and how i am going to get in to it , even tho i know God wants me too.. i'm so confused about everything. i am in need of something awesome to happen.. i know i have people ther that love me i have talked to all of them and they are all praying for me and behind me helping me, but i need more of God.... sorry if this is confusing and long.
God has you going in the right direction. you just need to keep being willing.... isn't God awesome for seeking us out right where we are! we all need more of God... even those appearing to be walking with a 'holy path'.... hang in there and keep searching. 
